Me Part II

I'm arrogant enough that I take pleasure in knowing that my personality type (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging) makes up just over 2% of the population. I like being considered different, as you probably know. I take great pleasure in being in this particular group with Chaucer, (yes, I am name dropping in the most shameful sense, but bear with me) Robert Burns, Jimmy Carter, Mother Theresa, Shirley Maclaine, Martin Luther King Jr., and Nelson Mandela (I've only named my very favorites.) At least, according to my results of the Personality Quiz by HumanMetrics that I mentioned a couple of posts ago. Now, if I could only boast to be in with Albert Einstein and Mark Twain, why, I believe I would swoon!
I mention this sort of outrageous companionism because I've always been strangely comforted by such lists. I don't know why, as I'm not a person that enjoys flattery, but for some reason give me a list of others that I can be grouped together with (no matter how eroneously) and I think "ooooh!"
It's silly, I know! But there you have it.

On to my point.
My results of the aforementioned quiz brought up some very interesting things for me. I've never delved too deeply into formal psychology, though I tend to travel inward into my own psyche quite often. But, as it's Me, I pretty much see it as sometimes "completely out there" at worst, to "a peculiarity" at best. One only knows his (her) own mind, after all.

I found lots of things intriguing, interesting, and thought provoking about this quiz and the results. Some I had never before considered, others were not news to me.

Here are some of the things that I find most interesting (this information was copied from TypeLogic, written by Joe Butt and Marina Margaret Heiss), though I found the whole thing absolutely true regarding "who I am".

"Those who are activists -- INFJs gravitate toward such a role -- are there for the cause, not for personal glory or political power."
Of course. I (and surely others like me) don't see what the purpose would be to pretend you're something you're not. It doesn't benefit personal evolution. What good would being pretentious bring to the world at large?

"INFJs are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden."
I've known and understood my whole life that I'm a champion of the underdog.

"Though affable and sympathetic to most, INFJs are selective about their friends. Such a friendship is a symbiotic bond that transcends mere words."
Very true about my friendships and people preferences. Although "symbiotic" made me smile - as I thought of rhinos and the tickbird.

"...introverted intuition frees this type to act insightfully and spontaneously as unique solutions arise on an event by event basis."
I would like to think that I can rise to a particular occasion.

"...expresses a range of emotion and opinions of, for and about people. INFJs, like many other FJ types, find themselves caught between the desire to express their wealth of feelings and moral conclusions about the actions and attitudes of others, and the awareness of the consequences of unbridled candor."
lol Yes. Didn't I get in trouble with this recently? In fact, several times this last year?
And continuing on....
"Some vent the attending emotions in private, to trusted allies. Such confidants are chosen with care, for INFJs are well aware of the treachery that can reside in the hearts of mortals."
Ahem. Moving on.....

"... thinking is introverted, turned toward the subject....A comrade might surmise that such detachment signals a disillusionment, that she has also been found lacking by the sardonic eye of this one who plumbs the depths of the human spirit.... such distancing is merely an indication that the seer is hard at work and focusing energy into this less efficient tertiary function."
Absolutely. I'm often intrigued by others comments and questions, and then able to delve into my own mind to see what's in there.....

"Sensing, however, is the weakest of the INFJ's arsenal and the most vulnerable. INFJs, like their fellow intuitives, may be so absorbed in intuitive perceiving that they become oblivious to physical reality"
Yes. I'm often astounded that others are seemingly unaffected by the chaos that surrounds me in a certain situation, when I feel energy stabbing and shooting about (from) me; I feel it so keenly that it seems strange that others don't run away from me at once!, until I remember to reign it in, to contain it.

"Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J (justice) preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.
Aah. This accounts for my need to fix the world's wrongs.

"They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people -- a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates." "
I said earlier, before I lost this post, that I thought The Mamas would be surprised at hearing me graded as an introvert, as most of them are more quiet than I. Then I came to the conclusion that they must mostly be introverts, too. I'm just the noisiest one, probably. Could be because I'm the eldest, and coming into my own (again) while nearing the big 4-0. Could be because I spent my twenties working in bars, learning how to stand up for myself, and to not take any shit. Could be just because I'm bossy by nature.
Continuing this paragraph:
While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers."
I think this is true, but only of my intimates. My family, my extended family, and with close friends. I simply haven't the energy or desire to be a people-pleaser for The World At Large. I just don't have it in me.

This part was from Keirsey, written by Prometheus Nemeses Book Company
"Counselors (INFJ, Idealists) are not reluctant to express their feelings, their face lighting up with the positive emotions, but darkening like a thunderhead with the negative. Indeed, because of their strong ability to take into themselves the feelings of others, Counselors can be hurt rather easily by those around them.."
How interesting. It's true that emotions are on my face. It's amazing that my face isn't terribly wrinkled or permanently in a scowl. As for others affecting me - my goodness, I can't even express how affected I am by Eric's or my mother's moods. It's amazing.

"Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper..."
Aaah. Imagine that! I'm sure they meant the keyboard, too.....

I've got more to say on this subject, but for now I'm going to read about my friend's profiles, because I am terribly curious.

As usual, this topic is To Be Continued....

The In Between

This is my transition post, where I'll say

For ten minutes while I've been getting the babe ready for bed (britches changed and jammies) I've been incapable of any speech at all, I'm so devastated. I'm not crying, though I was at first.
I'm dumbfounded.
In shock.
May seem over dramatic to you, but this last entry was really important to me.

Other thoughts:
She did it yesterday, too.
The trouble with being a writer such as myself is that you learn as you write, and go more inside yourself as you write, and recapturing the thought after the moment of feeling it smacks of pretention and phoniness.

Another thought: Yesterday I was perhaps thinking "this is trying to tell me something", maybe too much on the pc, or something like that. Tonight, no way. I've been on and off this chair many times, being careful to attend to all the needs of my children. Thinking and pondering as I was tending to them, reporting back here when I had figured something out. Last night Eric was home to aid them. Tonight it's just me. Don't want to neglect them.

I think that's it. Had to get all that out.

Moving on to "The Good News".....
My post, should I dare to try again, will be much less arrogant than it was, no doubt I'll be feeling much more humble than I was two hours ago. (Yes, I've been writing for over two hours.)

hanging head very low... trying to find the courage to go at it with a different attitude....
steph

Did you hear me scream?

It was the "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!" kind, not the "aaack!" kind.
The pain of being a person of words of the readable sort is that when you write something that you're really attached to (i'm being mild because it cuts so deep) is that when your tot comes and turns off your pc while you're up to your shoulders in personal truth, it is really, truly, amazingly devastating.

wimper
i'm going to lick my wounds for a few minutes....

Perspective - It's all how ya look at it.

I just remembered something important...
Remember when I said there was another commercial that I couldn't remember that I loved from PBS?

It was a Dad coming up to the door at the baby-sitters to pick up his children.
Getting near the door he hears whooping and hollering, shouting, and in general noisy chaos.
He mutters to himself something about this baby-sitter being "highly recommended" and "it's the last time I leave them here", and inside finds the Woman with a patch on her eye, in a pirate shirt, holding a sword in one hand and the book Peter Pan in the other.
The children were, of course, actively acting out the book while she narrates the story in a happy shout.
The point?
"It's all how ya look at it."

I remembered because 2 minutes ago I went into my livingroom to find my son whooping and hollering in that same sort of way.

All About Me

Don't know if that's a good title for this post, as most of these musings are all about me, but today I started reading more about Carl Jung's philosophies, and heard of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.
Fascinating!
Here is a link to this test I found by Humanmetrics, a Jung typology test. If you take the test, I'd love to hear about your results!


You are almost never late for your appointments No
No!

You like to be engaged in an active and fast-paced job No
God No.

You enjoy having a wide circle of acquaintances No
Don't have a wide circle of acquaintances!

You feel involved when watching TV soaps -Yes
Though I don't watch any.

You are usually the first to react to a sudden event: the telephone ringing or unexpected question No
I usually stammer for a moment.

You are more interested in a general idea than in the details of its realization No
I like the details.

You tend to be unbiased even if this might endanger your good relations with people No
I'm hardly unbiased about anything, though I'm pretty diplomatic.

Strict observance of the established rules is likely to prevent a good outcome No
God no, again, laughing.
This edited in later: Ack! I read that as likely to ensure a good outcome! Scratch that! Will have to redo...

It's difficult to get you excited No
I get excited about a clean kitchen floor, butterflies in my yard and a cold glass of beer.

It is in your nature to assume responsibility Yes
Goodness, I take personal responsibility for just about everything.

You often think about humankind and its destiny Yes No
hmm. On the one hand, I believe in 'Think globally, act locally', and all that. On the other, everyone's life is made up of his decisions and thoughts, and he is free to choose. Not sure how to answer.

You believe the best decision is one that can be easily changed No
The best decision is the one that feels right.

Objective criticism is always useful in any activity No
Criticism hurts my feelings, I'm sure it hurts others, too.

You prefer to act immediately rather than speculate about various options No
I always speculate.

You trust reason rather than feelings No
I'm reasonable, to be sure, and I think things out, but how I feel about it will win the day.

You are inclined to rely more on improvisation than on careful planning No
Nope, I'm a planner. I like organization. Though the plan has to feel right at the planned time...

You spend your leisure time actively socializing with a group of people, attending parties, shopping, etc. No
Hardly.

You usually plan your actions in advance Yes
I find that things work best in Motherhood Land if I plan.

Your actions are frequently influenced by emotions Yes
Sigh. It's true.

You are a person somewhat reserved and distant in communication Yes
I really had to consider this one. Online I'm not reserved at all, but I think it's imperative that I put myself out there. But that's the written word. While writing I am exceedingly expressive. In real life, not so much. So, I put yes for reserved and distant. In a social setting I am more quiet and reserved.

You know how to put every minute of yourtime to good purpose No
Hardly.

You readily help people while asking nothing in return No
Have to admit to "no" on this one. I'd like to answer yes, but I kept thinking of waiting in a long line to turn left while driving, then seeing others zoom by and cutting in way up at the front of the line. I never let them in. So the answer will have to be "no."

You often contemplate about the complexity of life Yes
Well, of course!

After prolonged socializing you feel you need to get away and be alone Yes
This one made me smile, because I wasn't thinking "rest" so much as "write about it", which for me, is the same thing. I write. It's how I work through my thoughts and feelings on things. And rest!

You often do jobs in a hurry Yes
I do them in a hurry so I can move on to other things sometimes. Clean and dust the livingroom in 20 minutes! that sort of thing. Always thorough, though.

You easily see the general principle behind specific occurrences Yes
I can easily set myself in others' shoes, or figure out why a thing is happening, usually.

You frequently and easily express your feelings and emotions Yes
She laughs.

You find it difficult to speak loudly No
I have a very full voice. Sometimes I forget, since I was always one of the quiet ones in my family.

You get bored if you have to read theoretical books No
I said no initially, and then saw "have to", so I changed it to yes, but now I'm changing again, because "have to" for me usually means "wants to", so if I was interested, I wouldn't be bored.

You tend to sympathize with other people Yes

You value justice higher than mercy No
Justice sort of claims judgment and leaves no room for allowances. I like allowances, so I'll say no.

You rapidly get involved in social life at a new workplace No
What a nightmare.

The more people with whom you speak, the better you feel No
I'm not sure what that means, but it doesn't sound good to me.

You tend to rely on your experience rather than on theoretical alternatives Yes
Why wouldn't I? Either I trust my own insight, or I try to find a better way.

You like to keep a check on how things are progressing Yes
Cookies in the oven, seedlings in the garden.

You easily empathize with the concerns of other people Yes

Often you prefer to read a book than go to a party Yes
Well, I must, I read a lot more books than I attend parties!

You enjoy being at the center of events in which other people are directly involved No
If this is like "the center of attention", then definitely not.

You are more inclined to experiment than to follow familiar approaches No
I'm a creature of comfort.

You avoid being bound by obligations Yes
God yes.

You are strongly touched by the stories about people's troubles Yes
Of course.

Deadlines seem to you to be of relative, rather than absolute, importance No Yes
I take my deadlines pretty seriously. A gray area. I chose no.

You prefer to isolate yourself from outside noises Yes
Noise often irritates the hell out of me.

It's essential for you to try things with your own hands Yes
Gotta figure it out for myself usually. Has to ring with truth, anyway.

You think that almost everything can be analyzed Yes
Can't everything? (why does it say almost everything?)

You do your best to complete a task on time Yes
I do try, it's true.

You take pleasure in putting things in order Yes
My, yes!

You feel at ease in a crowd Yes
Crowds are anonymous, they don't bother me usually.

You have good control over your desires and temptations No
Lord, no.

You easily understand new theoretical principles No
I wasn't sure of the question, so I said no. It would depend, of course, if it were interesting or not.

The process of searching for solution is more important to you than the solution itself No
Nah, unfortunately I know to "enjoy the journey", but my mind is always on the finished result.

You usually place yourself nearer to the side than in the center of the room Yes

When solving a problem you would rather follow a familiar approach than seek a new one Yes
If I have one that I think will work, of course!

You try to stand firmly by your principles Yes

A thirst for adventure is close to your heart No
Not really, no. I'm not very adventurous.

You prefer meeting in small groups to interaction with lots of people Yes
I wasn't sure of the question, but I said yes.

When considering a situation you pay more attention to the current situation and less to a possible sequence of events No
Nope, I think about what will happen.

You consider the scientific approach to be the best No
Wasn't sure what that meant, but like I said earlier, I like to feel things out. So I said no.

You find it difficult to talk about your feelings No
Hardly

You often spend time thinking of how things could be improved Yes
sheesh

Your decisions are based more on the feelings of a moment than on the careful planning Yes
Careful planning first, but then we have to see when the time comes.

You prefer to spend your leisure time alone or relaxing in a tranquil family atmosphere Yes
Oh my, yes.

You feel more comfortable sticking to conventional ways No
That's laughable.

You are easily affected by strong emotions Yes
Ahem. Yes.

You are always looking for opportunities No
Not much interested in that. Sounds sort of competitive, fast-paced and actiony. Not my cup of tea.

Your desk, workbench etc. is usually neat and orderly Yes
True.

As a rule, current preoccupations worry you more than your future plans Yes
I get sort of compulsive about things (worries). Mostly it's the now's.

You get pleasure from solitary walks Yes No
I said yes. Then I changed it to "no". I like them best with my family. It didn't change anything (my results). It would depend on the moment.

It is easy for you to communicate in social situations Yes
I do sort of okay at parties, I guess.

You are consistent in your habits Yes
Habits? Yes. Ugh.

You willingly involve yourself in matters which engage your sympathies Yes
Sure.

You easily perceive various ways in which events could develop Yes
My brain works pretty well in that department.

This exercise has been great for me. It has uncovered a few things that have been in my head lately.
I'll be thinking on this subject for the next while, I am sure!

To be continued...

Perspective - It's all how ya look at it.

Which we all know, of course. I remember seeing on PBS some commercials a couple of years ago that were related to this idea.
One was a child who lived on a farm wanted to experiment with roosters, and he/she (can't remember which) constructed and carried out a plan to trick roosters with a light that simulated sunlight, seeing if the roosters would crow. They did.
There was another brilliant one, too, but I cannot recall it just now.
The closing statement was "It's all how you look at it."

My son lately, for a couple of months or so, has been (he watches television, remember, and lots of dinosaur -nature shows) coming up to me, and holding up his fingers, and saying "Mom! An apatasaurus is this big," with his pointer finger and thumb about three inches apart "and Man is this big" with fingers hardly seperated at all.
"Aaah." Say I, not quite knowing what to say.
Today, just an hour or so ago, holding up his fingers about 1/2 an inch apart. "Mom! This is how big a Giant Dragonfly (Prehistoric Park) is!"
"Oh! Do you know what that's called? That's called perspective. If you look at something that's far away, you can measure it like this (holding up my fingers to my eye), because far away it looks that big. But if the Giant Dragonfly were here, buzzing around my head, it would be this big!" Holding my arms out to about a three foot distance. "Right? That's called perspective."
He actually seemed thrilled that I knew of such a concept, and shortly thereafter went away smiling.

I was in the grocery store today, alone for once, and being alone, I had a chance to observe pe0ple a bit. There is a girl that I run into sometimes at fieldtrips for our Littles group - or other fieldtrips. Other times it's just homeschooler trips. Free zoo day for hsers, that sort of thing.
Today I ran into her at Wild Oats.
I don't know why, but I just really like her. It's almost like having a crush on someone. (Nothing irregular, I don't have any desire for that, just in case you're thinking along those lines.) She's sweet, and pretty, playful, and genuinely good and gentle, it just makes me want to be more like here when I see her.
At first I wasn't sure it was her, but later I asked (in the parking lot) if it was, and she said, "Yeah!", and I said "Hi", and went on my merry way.
Next stop was Harmon's, so I was people watching by this time, and setting my mind for how I wanted to be and act through the rest of my day/life.
Saw a Mama with an infant up front, driving a "car" grocery cart, and the toddler for whom the car was chosen was not in it, but on it.
Honestly, I wasn't paying much attention to the Mama, but the little girl who was so pleased to be riding on the outside of the car. She was about three and a half, maybe.
Now, when I get cars, I am ashamed (really) to admit, that I tend to worry about what Others Will Say (or think), and it's a challenge to keep Trev in the cart. I honestly worry about his safety, too, but mostly because Every Damned Time I'm at Home Depot an announcement comes on that says "Parents! Please keep your children off the equipment and inside the cart!"...yada yada yada. Every time, I kid you not. I wonder if it's standard procedure to push that button 20 minutes into our every visit.
But here was this Mama, driving really slow, and not saying a word about it.
"Aaaah." Thought I. "Here she is, and instead of saying 'Please Keep Your Arms And Legs Inside The Ride At All Times', she was just driving slowly, therefore any chance of knocking the child off the cart, or running into someone and hurting the child is nil. Now why hadn't I thought of that? Why can't I take that time to look at alternatives?"
Now, a couple of aisles later (you know how you run into the same people over and over again in the store, travelling up and down aisles methodically) I hear Mama say "Please get in the car, it's not safe."
Aaah.
Turns out Mama was just distracted, and not terribly enlightened after all.

sidenote: Just now Maddie comes in singing "cook-ies, cook-ies, cookies", I look up, and laugh because she has like 8 Fig Newmans, and she says " 'At Funny?"
"yeah, that's funny, but you can't have those! We're eating soon" if Mama can ever hurry and finish this post.
Back to business...

Now, I did not judge Mama, you understand. Well, maybe a tiny bit, becasue at the request in the name of safety I noticed her, and she looked a bit harried and lost.
But mostly I blessed her because I found some of my own truth in her life and actions.
Shortly thereafter I noticed several mama's/grandma's with a furrowed or constantly-disapproving brow, or an angry look on their face, whatever. I, not because I wanted to rub it in, of course, but because I had found Truth At The Neighborhood Grocer that day, was feeling quite the thing when I got home to my husband and children.

Now I'm thinking of having two or three copies of a signed statement in my purse at all times to pass out to any store clerk that comes to me with An Issue, and I'll just smile and hand it to them, and say "Just in case"" It will, of course say something like "My family takes full responsibility for itself, and I'll not hold you or this business liable or accountable for our curiosity, whims, or needs."

Decided then (thank God, it's been a while since my last revelation) that I didn't want to be one of those with a permanently furrowed brow. I don't want sad lines on my face.

One more oberservance - I'm sure it's relative, but I'm not sure yet how....
Whenever I get down on my knees, to really talk to Trev "at his level", lol, he gets on his knees, also.
What do you s'pose that's about?
:)

So I've yet again decided that I have a choice.
I can choose happiness.
I can choose joy.
I can choose laughter.
I can choose communication instead of demands.
Today I have.
Today I've chosen to be love, and to be happy.

(Author laughs-out-loud) This is, of course, To Be Continued....

Light Sabers and Life Savers Part II

I knew this would be continued, I just didn't know it would be less than 5 minutes after I clicked "publish"...

"Where did you put the Life Sabers, Mom?"
"Oh. I thought you said 'four' would do it?"
"Uh, how 'bout.... five?!?"
"Five more, or five total?" asked I, while holding up fingers for counting and making quick decisions.
"Uh.... five more!" He's bright, no doubt about it. Who says Math can't be learned naturally? He's only five, remember.
"Okay."
We head toward the kitchen and sniff, sniff, sniff around until we sniff out the bag of green life savers that someone at work on Saturday gave me because they have a preference for red and orange only.
"Here they are! One. Two. Three. Four. Five!"
Laugh, laugh, laugh, from Trev. That's what RU looks like in our house.

-Rustle-rustle-rustle.
He's found the light sabers. Evidently five isn't cutting it, either.
Mama sneaks up. "Rah!" she jumps out. Trev looks chagrined.
"Did I scare you, or just bust you?" asked I.
"You just busted me."
"Okay. (putting my hands as horse blinders on either side of his eyes) "Focus! (laughingly) Are you hungry, or you just want a sweet snack?"
"A sweet snack!!"
"Okay, (me), "Frozen Peas?" I'm wanting to run-through-the-gauntlet, and if it's really life savers he wants, it's fine with me. If he's hungry, then we need to do something about that.
"no"
"Carrots?"
"No"
(looking through the fridge....)
"Berries?"
"no"
Yougurt?"
"no"
"Wait, Yougurt? Yeah, I'd like some yougurt!"
"Coming right up."

(sigh) Aah. Two life lessons in less that one minute. Yup. That's what RU looks like in real life.

Light Sabers and Life Savers

It occurs to me, er, especially when I hear my son ask "May I have four... light... er.... life... sabers?" that yours truly, for a long time, referred to 'light sabers' as light Savers', or some such thing (all things being equal - life sabres, light sayers, life sabers, etc).
Not so with my Son.
Light Sabers came first.

I know that there is some sort of Meaning of Life post just begging to come out of this. I'm trying to wrap my poor brain around it, as we speak. I'll certainly keep you informed.

:) I'm sure no one is interested besides me.....

But it's my blog...