in gentleness

and in breath
and in peace
and with intention.....
i will walk softly through my day.

in gentleness

another perfect day.

grey skies.... soft breezes.... gentle rains..... the children are following quiet pursuits of mellow computer games and painting.

this morning Maddie and I left home for a neighborhood walk - carrying a large brown basket, a pair of scissors, and an umbrella. We collected sunflowers, and rusty dried weeds that will be beautiful in our Autumn arrangements.

Since then I've collected roses, lavender, and peppermint from our gardens.

It feels like a Sunday.

There's a hush in our home - probably attributed to the closed windows, the soft whoosh of air coming from the heat vents, lit candles, and the gentling essential oils simmering in their pot.

There is beauty and gentleness here, today.
All is well.

burrowing into

Even though the weather isn't unfriendly, I'm still finding myself burrowing in.

Staying in my home.
Cleaning thoroughly and often.
Warming up the kitchen with soups, cookies, and pots of water for tea or decadent chocolatey coffees.

It's another reconnection, I think.
In the spring we awake and are enlivened by the joy and life Mother Nature offers us. We tread so softly on the earth - carefully watching for the youngest sprouts and tiniest buds.
She invites us to join with Her in celebration --alive!, alive!, rejoice!, she sings and sways.
And we celebrate life with her. For the next several months.

And then suddenly - and it does seem to happen suddenly, for me - everything slows down.
The fruit stops falling from the trees. The beauties in the garden just stop ripening.
Now there seems to be a hush across this land of mine - everything seems to have just... stopped.
There are not many obvious signs of autumn here, yet.
The trees in the valley are still green. I don't hear the rustling of leaves, or see them tumble pell-mell down the road.
All the world is not colored in golden oranges, browns, and reds.

But it's here, none the less.
I can feel it making its way into my thoughts, and even into my daily activities.

Inside my Self I can feel autumn breathing its first sighs.
I feel it in the mornings when I awake, burrowed into my lush comforter filled with down.
I feel it as I put my feet into the first pair of socks I've worn in months.
I feel it in my mind - wanting to get to a deep and still place, instead of being lured by the excitement promised by gallivanting adventures.

Outwardly, my world seems to have paused at this precipice.
In our very next collective breath, shared between Mother and I, I expect this world to change right before my very eyes.

All of me welcomes it.

a thousand things

i had a thousand things to do today


i chose slow and easy instead.


namely, puttering around my beloved pond.


...my sacred space.

Becoming

It happened that my husband worked dayshift today instead of evening.
So he got home at around 5:30 or so.
Bearing dinner. (One of the perks of being Chef at a place.)

Right after dinner, I thought... Oh, I need a walk.
I know, I know... the usual.

It's so amazing to me how imperative these quiet moments to myself have become.
It's my life's breath.
Quite literally.

I've always taken moments here and there, but let me just tell you - it is not the same.
Sitting down and saying "I need a few minutes, please" is not the same as being Out There (wherever your There is) uninterrupted -- just you and the sky.
As soon as I shut that front door behind me it all changes.

That's why it has become so imperative a practice.
The changes come over me automatically and instantly.
I don't even have to exert any effort. (Except the other day when I was trying to "walk it off", and I had that episode with that guy in the car.)
I just automatically fall into breath, and calm, and mindfulness, and a peaceful, blissful place.

I'm not running from anything.
I don't feel the need to escape the children, or my husband.
It's not about that.

It's... coming back into my self.
It must be like playing the violin with your eyes closed and with your soul wide open.
Like getting lost for hours in creating a painting.
Like a devoutest's time spent in deep prayer.

It's amazing how this practicing (oh so earnestly and sincerely) is sustaining me in my ordinary moments. In my everyone-needs-four-things-right-this-second-and-is-not-willing-to-wait-for me-to-get-the-first-one-done moments.
I cannot quite claim that I am constantly walking in bliss and perfect peacefulness -yet, thank-you-very-much, but I feel so very different from the striving, wanting to be different, short-tempered person that I have always previously been.
I am changed.
I've shed that part of me.

Tonight after my walk I asked dh if I could come downstairs for a while (which meant that he'd be on duty with the babes for the next couple of hours).
I brought down my books, notebook, ipod, things I thought I may need.
Left my shoes at the door.

I may even be tempted to grab a musty blanket out of this closet and spend the night with my stack of books and ohming and chanting music.

I'm not in a hurry to leave this place that I have found myself for the last couple of weeks, for I believe that I am building a strong foundation of the Self that I have always wanted to be.

I am Becoming.

in this quiet place

Last night and again this morning while lying in bed I was thinking about the last week - particularly, in regards to walking, being present, and meditation.

It is so incredible the changes that have come to be.

I spoke a few days ago of getting mad (irritated) three times that day and being able to step outside of it, almost as it was happening, with only a slight delay. (Like I was stepping outside myself and the situation.)

I've grumped about something three times since then. Not shouted, mind you, not pissed, not angry, just slightly-to-medium annoyed. Three times since then. That was.... a week ago. Last Monday. I've gotten slightly annoyed three times in the last week. !
One was three or four days ago, and I don't remember even what it was.
One was I think Friday night when Eric got home after work (he works nights on Friday) and Trev was still up and I was sleeping on the couch and they were talking, and woke me up, and then Trev whispered in this loud stage whisper, and I was further annoyed, and then I realized (even in my delirium) and said "I'm sorry, Bud, it's not your fault, I know you're trying to be quiet, I'm just grumpy because I want to sleep." A first for me, to be sure. I'm never sane when being woken up.
Then last night Eric woke me up (fell asleep on the couch again), asking if I wanted to wake up and go to bed, and I grumped (I was snipey then, admittedly) at him about a few things.
The funny thing about that is, I noticed even then that instead of it being something that I normally experience, it was so foreign to me. Even as I was grumping at him, I was thinking "What is this? This isn't mine!"

Yesterday when we got back from skiing I was in a bit of a slump, not angry, just didn't feel very good, for some reason.
I just sat for a minute, and breathed, and acknowledged the feelings of not well-being, and then a few minutes later it had passed. Just like that.

All of this is so amazing to me.
It's like I'm the same Me, but I'm -at least half of me- a completely different person.
Like a huge part of me, and who I have always been, has been transformed. Not into something totally different and foreign, but.... I don't know. Better. Lighter. Maybe unattached is a good description. My responses are different. My reactions. It's like their mute. That's it! It's like my reactions (which I have courted and carried my entire life, and are pretty predictable) have been muted. Like someone hits the Pause button.

How can that be?

How is it that meditation, and practicing mindfulness (whenever I remember) -which just means right now to be aware of my breathing and all of my self- can make a such a huge difference in my every day (every moment) life?

Maybe it's other things, too.

Maybe it's that I have intended this, and now I have manifested it.

Maybe it's that I am taking care of myself all the way around. I take fish oil, St John's Wort :), Green Tea capsules (I drink it, but I've started taking it, too), and a vitamin for women.
I've been walking for at least an hour most days. (love love love that.)

A few days ago I got in the mail a book and card package that I had ordered. (Ask and It Is Given are the cards, by Esther and Jerry Hicks.)
One of the cards says

"There is tremendous value when you are able to deliberately cause even the slightest improvement in the way you feel, for even in that small emotional improvement, you may have regained a measure of control. You no longer feel powerless. And so, your trek back up the Emotional Scale is now not only possible, but it is relatively easy."

That's how it began, maybe. With an intent. With deliberation and liberation. With uttering the words two months ago, "I am done with this."
Maybe with those words I caused the initial slightest improvement.

Maybe all that studying and listening and reading has finally sunk in, and I am aligning myself properly (with my thoughts and actions) with what it is that I desire to manifest for myself.

It appears that in this quiet place I am re-creating myself.
How astonishing.
And how lovely.

ego

When I typed that in, I typed in "dgo". Maybe that would be better. :)

I think I've pretty well got it figured out.
Mostly.

It gets easy to judge whether or not your actions come from ego.

I've had to really pay attention to the things I say, how they come out of my mouth, and really consider where it came from.
Sometimes (typically) the answer has been "because I wanted to demonstrate that I knew better than that."
Aaah, ego, then.
Stupid stuff.
Stuff that doesn't even mean anything - other than to point out to myself that I am better, or wiser, or more aware, or more conscientious, or better informed.
Not that these things (where one is upon his or her path) are insignificant - certainly they are not. What I mean is, I might give my answer or response in a snotty way (if only in my head), feeling that I am above some one or some thing else.
I don't even mean displaying arrogance, for most of the time it just happens in my head.

I'm pretty much astounded how often it happens. That I say or do things from that place.
In everyday stupid situations, even. It's ridiculous.

The trouble I was having in understanding it was that I couldn't separate the individual from the ego. Or dgo.
It seemed to me that without ego, we'd all blend into the same homogenized glob of nothingness.

I've since come to realize (since witnessing my doing and saying things from the point of ego) that there is more to Us than just That.
Since I know that All There Is wants only to express Itself (or Herself or Himself), and to experience All There Is instead of just understanding that It is All There Is, then to have Us be the exact same - sans ego - would be pretty pointless.
I mean - we have to be made of substance other than just ego.
Some of us are very, very serious (time after time, I believe). Some of us like to lead. Some of us love to make people laugh. Some of us find our hearts belong to animals. Or the hills. Or the sky. Or to the stars. Some of us long to dance. Some of us want to paint the streets of Paris, or fields of flowers, or ships on the horizon. Some of us want to be a Peace Pilgrim. Or a nun in Calcutta. Some of us imagine ourselves to be Gentlemen Pirates. Or farmers. Or opera singers.

So I've come to have a little more trust in God, I think. (I had a rather vast amount before, mind you, but somehow I believed that ultimately God wanted to take me away from myself.)
It occurs to me now - even as I sit here - that God (All There Is) has no need to take me away from myself - but that God is perfectly willing to allow me to be Me infinitely, as I am not actually separate, at all, but only in individualized part of All There Is. I am not and cannot be separated from It.
So God is missing nothing.
And God experiences everything.

And now I'm getting quite serious about kicking this ego of mine out of my business, and looking forward to the rewards for living my life even more on purpose.
Which will, of course, involve wondrous things like synchronicity. And manifesting. And greater intuition. And much more peace.
And "discovering that you're a greater person by far, than you even imagined yourself to be."

on holiday

Yesterday I went on holiday.
I could say that I went on vacation, but it is so charming and antiquated to say "on holiday", don't you think?

I'm not sure exactly though, when my holiday began. It may have begun the night before, when as I began adventures in India, I thought... the bath. I need to begin this one in the bath.
And it was divine, to be sure.

I didn't finish India that night, but I did decide somewhere there that I wasn't going to work the next day.

The next morning I tossed my camera into my purse, unplugged my laptop, tucked it under my arm, grabbed my purse, kissed my family, and said "See you in a few hours." Can you believe that? I actually left my family for a few hours.
Never have I done this. Never (aside from working on Saturdays).
Well, wait - I've left to go meet the Mama's a couple of times (once with the babes in tow) and once to go to dinner with Eric a couple of years ago.
But this is different,

This (kissing them all and waving as I went in search of solitary pleasure), in and of itself, :), was a holiday!

I sat in my neighborhood designer coffee shoppe (Beans and Brew) with two glasses of iced tea (I considered Chai, -it seemed appropriate- but I was looking forward to the caffeine) and a ham and cheese croissant, set up my notebook, listened to Thich Nhat Hanh and his words on Mindfulness, and proceeded to spend the next hour or two of my life in absolute bliss. Bliss, I tell you. Bliss.
Eventually I packed up my things and headed to one of my favorite locally owned book stores. Where I spend the next hour or two of my life. Perusing. Piddling. Inhaling decadent incenses. Touching stones. Listening to prospective cd's for meditation.
Bliss. Stillness.

All holidays must come to an end, and such was the fate of mine.
But it was lovely.
Lovely, lovely, lovely.
[smile] I highly recommend it.

surviving

I've made such a fuss about pmsing and my emotions that I thought I'd update.
The thing is - I know that there is away to fix it. I know that I can heal (or balance) any crazy fluctuations... I'm just not sure how.
And, of course, part of the problem is that when I'm in a serious bout of it, sometimes I don't even care. It's all I can do to just survive the moment. I think the first step is to change that, then maybe I can move on to "I choose peace instead of this," as I mentioned before.

Today was wonderful!
Though I have not spent any time at all with my Valentine - well my main one, anyway.
The babes and I headed out early to meet friends, and Eric scooted off to work shortly after that. He won't be home 'til probably long after we're tucked in and nestled like spoons.

But, we did get to pass the day with friends -The Mama's with additions, and it was a lovely afternoon.
No stress, no panicking.
I spent quite a bit of time downstairs this morning before we left, first blending some oils together that I thought would be helpful in less than tranquil moments, and then an uninterrupted and loooong meditation.

Now I'm here (with quiet music on my ipod), Maddie is sleeping peacefully, and Trev is watching a movie and giggling. (I can hear him, I always listen to my stuff quietly.)
The house is quiet except for his laughter, it's still and winter-white outside, so the world without and the world within - indeed, even within myself - are quiet, and peaceful, and still.

I welcome it, and am thankful.

give peace a chance

I wrote a (short) post earlier that questioned the wisdom of fighting terror with the terror of war. It seems crazy to me that we would terrorize hundreds of thousands of people in hopes of putting a stop to someone that we see as a terrorizing dictator. It seems to me that peace is the only solution to this hatred and related violence.

I changed my mind about sending it.
I don't want to write anti-war posts. I want to write for peace.
I don't want to fight terrorism (even the terrorism inflicted by my own government). I want to embrace (if only in my mind) the souls that are lost in that destruction and chaos.
It is not my wish to fight anything - even darkness.

Have you ever considered that bringing something of higher energy to something vibrating at a low level frequency not only nullifies low energy, but also converts it to higher energy? An interesting thought. Just as bringing light into darkness banishes the darkness.

***
This post has been sitting in my drafts for a day or so.
Since then I have read a similar post by my friend Sheri.
And now, today, I have stumbled (how very lovely and synchronistic) upon two cool movements that I had no idea existed - one is the United States Peace Government, and the other is Shift In Action - which is all about quantum physics, meditation, world peace, and consciousness.
Imagine that.

Things are looking up.

the last battle

Well, since I've gotten two out of the way....
I am now going to work on the last one.
Which would be zipit! when my babes are ...er... communicating in a way that is different than what I would choose.
I'm thinking observe.

What I know for sure:
They adore each other.
They like each other's company.
They like to help each other.
They are willing to help each other.
They both have an inclination for sweetness.

So - why do I have in my head that these two are behaving badly?

Just because it sounds bad to me (often in the next room) doesn't mean that it is bad.
Two year olds shout.
Two year olds get frustrated, and shouting is quicker than saying "Um, excuse me, Trev, but I wasn't done with that, and I was having lots of fun playing with it."
"Go away!!" is a lot faster than saying "Um, Madd, I really just need some quiet time alone right now, please."

There has been upheaval and some crazy mojo comin' from Mama this week and better, and a little staying-out-of-it and loads of gentleness when I'm in it might be just the ticket. ([rolls eyes] "Geez, do ya think?")

Really.
They love eachother and are kind (mostly) to eachother, and I think that needs to be my focus instead of "no more violence in this home" (even of the shouting sort - because sometimes that feels like violence to me).
If you see what I mean.

Good things.
I'm focusing on good things.

anger ... Enlightened

Not too long ago (I really don't know when, I have a really warped sense of time - it could have been last week, could have been a month ago) when I was all bent out of shape about something, I thought Here we go again... I'm taking it out on these poor souls (that share this home with me), and it's not even their problem or fault - I could have prevented this if I had only been more____, yet I am angry and (possibly) shouting and sulking. At THEM.
So... Why?
I am soooo hangin' out with the right people, friends, because in one ear I have Laura whispering her wisdom and insight about prevention, and how well she tames it before it falls out of her mouth, and in another I have Carla, who often shares tales from ancient poets, and quotes things like
"It isn't the things that are happening to us that cause us to suffer,
it's what we say to ourselves about the things that are happening. ~Pema Chödrön
Which isn't really news to me, I've been a studier of various wisdom long enough to know that we get to decide what sort of Universe we live in.
My question is - Why? Why do we (um, Okay, I) blame someone (often anyone and everyone) outside ourselves?
I'm not saying that we should sabotage ourselves. Many of us lie the blame for a great many things at our own feet, and take responsibility for many of the world's problems - deservedly, or not. (Most likely not. Solely, anyway.)
But how to place a bridge over this Huuuuuge gap between the Quietest Voice that says "If you do something now, it will save you much trouble in the end..." and the one that rages against everyone and everything for standing between us and our happiness or even our desperately needed Two Moments of Peace?

Many, many, many (90%?)of my personal troubles come from this gap. Or, vortex, maybe. It sure seems like one most times.
Is it in this space that Enlightenment lies?

Maybe this is one of those Big Truths for me.
That I need to find the smallest space within myself where I can hear Loud and Clear that Quietest Voice. Which is, by the way, to what I was referring when I said "I intend to Listen to my Intuition."
sigh.
It's sooooooo hard to listen to it. It's not even the hearing of it - it's registering it and constantly practicing of Mindfulness, and quieting all the other external noise in order to do so. The children, the laundry, the day-t0-day, the bills, the tires that need to be rotated....
I'm not blaming, you understand, I'm just saying that it requires So Much.

I've got this voice rolling its eyes (can voices roll their eyes???) in my head that is saying "Well, duh! That's what we've been trying to tell you. Every day! Take moments Every Day - in quietness, tranquility, and peace, to Listen. To be in Stillness."
Oh, yeah. That would be meditation, of course.

Retreat.
Retreat....

I've got to think about this some more....

pms potions

Sometimes-especially when one has admonitions of "gentle..." whispering in her head-a girlhas gotta dowhat a girl's gotta do.

Silly, silly girl.

Dear Friends

Yesterday's (last night's) post was really personal for me.
It didn't get into any deep dark secrets, really, but judgment (of myself, included) is something I want so desperately to be rid of. As I said, I think it's my greatest quest on this earth, with learning patience a close second (though they certainly are connected, as patience for me involves accepting all things around me as good or what/where it/they are supposed to be - be that a screaming toddler demanding seemingly impossible things, or a jackass driver - both are who, what, and where exactly as they should be).

I mentioned religion yesterday, and my feelings on it.
I knew that most of my friends that read here - and probably strangers, should any come across this blog - are folks that belong to a religion.
While I certainly did not want to hurt others with my comments and shared thoughts, my aim was to get to the bottom of why I feel the way I do, and if it's really true that I disdain religious folks. It's a difficult thing to admit that you judge people (as "wrong") for believing differently than you do - especially when you're unacceptance of them is in part because you feel they are unaccepting of others. It is a difficult thing to discuss openly when it goes against what you know to be true and loving.
While I answered the first question, I left the second unanswered.

The answer is no.
It isn't true.
I don't believe that folks who are religious are mindless. Or automatically more judging. Or exclusionary in their relationships with their general society.
And I don't reject my friends (family included) because they belong to a (any) religion.

I was wondering the other day what religion is really about. (As I obviously don't belong to one, I can only speculate.)
It's a belief system, certainly - but I was wondering Why it exists.
I was wondering if people have it because it is very, very difficult at times to find God all by yourself.
Because rejoicing God or Jesus or Mary or Alla with others not only gives souls a sense of brotherhood (at one with God and Each Other) but it collects the common love and goodness (energy) into one place, and it's so much easier to feel God (to listen to the call of one's Spirit) with a bunch of souls who are sharing your exact same thoughts. I imagine the energy must be palpable - we can experience this many other times in life, too, get a bunch of people together with the same mind, and it's quite invigorating.
If because initially one person said "This is how I found God", and they were able to tell someone, and that someone was somehow able to find God that exact same way. Which is strange to me, as it is quite opposite of how I do it (search God out -or within, rather- for myself), but I suppose it's possible.
Or maybe in the beginning someone started asking questions in his village, and found the commonality of how and what the surrounding souls were asking of their selves and spirit, and started discussing philosophies and ideas with those same souls.
Or maybe it started with one thought - such as Love Thy Brother, and it expanded from there, the doctrine always trying to convey and explore that same simple thought.

I don't know.
But none of these things sound ill-formed to me. They all sound quite lovely, actually. I certainly couldn't blame someone for wanting to be a part of something like that.

So, as you can see, I have quite changed my mind. :)
I still believe that finding one's Truth is deeply personal and individual, and I shall continue to find my answers within, inspired by an infinite number of sources.
But I shall also continue to look for the common ground with my fellow man - and know that he, too, is seeking his Truth at every moment.

God's Rusty Car and Broken Furnace

So my question was - would God ever purchase a new car?
This is an impossible question, of course. It twisted my brain.

But after I dropped a drink on my laptop - on the Very Same Day that I had gotten it back via air-mail from the Dell repair center now with a new keyboard and system board (for pretty much the same thing) and considering I had been talking to a friend about Shit Happens, and whether or not that's true, just an hour before - I had to ask myself - "Why?" for the hundredth or so time in the last few months.

So I started going off on a little impossible tangent. (grin) Asking myself the really tough questions.
If God lived in a house, I supposed, would He ever have to replace His furnace?
Do things Just Happen?
If God wasn't paying attention, would Her car break down? (Course, God could fix it as soon as it happened, but still...) Do machines have their own minds? Well, not minds, of course, but... momentum, maybe....
The absurd questions went on and on through my head.

Somewhere along the trail I got into a different space - a place that asked not Why this? but one of What now? Not a "what the hell is next?" kind of thought, but in a "how do I feel about this?" sort of way.
I think I've come to the conclusion that while I very well may have brought these occurrences to myself (of course I did, if not me, then who?)- I'm not so sure the Why? (are these specific things happening) matters anymore.
Somehow I believe I've managed to let it go. I am considering that the answer to Why? might just be because you need to change your mind about your reality.
And - You are judging these things as "bad", as you are judging a great many things as "Bad" right now in your life - and We (the tree stumps and "ahems" and taps to the shoulder - in the name of God and spiritual evolution) are trying to get you to Change Your Mind, and to Change Your Perception of Reality.

The whole thing goes way beyond the second full drink being spilled into a delicate and expensive piece of electrical equipment.
Mostly it's about me judging Me.
About I deserve this.
About having a fatalistic attitude because I'm not measuring up. Being angry at myself because I am not entirely the person I'd like to be. (shrug) Which means perfect.
Such an attitude also spills over into my judgments of my children and their actions though I've been pretty good about that, lately. Well, mostly.

A new email/yahoo group was started in my area for secular homeschoolers.
Someone whom I have not met said something about "I don't want to be judged."
I wrote back a bit about myself and my family, and said "I will consider it a Grand Accomplishment if upon my deathbed I can say that I judge no one or no thing in this world and find it lacking (ie judge it as 'bad' or 'wrong')."

Then I really started thinking about it, and I thought "Well, that's a hell of an accomplishment."
Indeed, should I manage it in this life, I believe it shall be one of my greatest ones.

Melissia (she shrinks when I mention her name, but I feel like I'm being elusive when I don't mention specifics) and I were talking yesterday, and at the end of our conversation I said something about pretty much disdaining religion.
I have a hard time with accepting something that someone else lays out for you; for the most part I think folks should do the hard work themselves, and find the answers within.
Then she said something about how she didn't think that most religious people are unaccepting of others' truths, or others' ways, or blindly accepting of their religion's teachings.
In my head, I vehemently objected to this observation, as I haven't found that to be my experience at all.
I feel like most religious folks believe they are the only bearers of the Keys to Heaven.
That they know the only Truth, and therefore all others' ways are false.
That bothers me.
It bothers me equally as much that often times I believe that I know better than most, too.
More often than not, though, lately, I've found more similarities than differences in the Pursuit of Spiritual Evolution. Maybe that's a good beginning.
Most folks want a greater communion with God. Or the All. Alla, Buddha, Krishna, etc.
Most folks want to be true to their hearts.
Most folks want peace in their spirit.

So after I told Melissia of my disdain, I started wondering if it were true. Do I really believe that religious folks are mindless?
And unaccepting of all others ways?
What is it exactly that I object so strongly to?

Judgment, of course.
It's one of those crazy twisty "I detest intolerant people" feelings. Makes no sense at all.
But maybe I can find peace in the commonalities. Maybe I can get past the verbiage to the intent behind the words, and find brotherhood.

These are all parts of my quest.
To wholly, fully, completely, gently, lovingly, and unconditionally accept my children for Who They Are.
To accept the souls around me (in the world at large) for Who They Are.
To embrace the events that I most assuredly bring into my life for What They Are (and to remember it's not the events themselves that are "bad", but how I judge the events).

My life (experience) comes from how and what I think about a thing.
I believe I'm being led toward If you don't like where you are, or where you are headed, then Change Your Mind.
Change your mind.
Change your thoughts.
Change your heart.
Change your Self.
And remember that you have an eternity to do it.

olm

plain old ordinary Life Magic.

a promising morning

Well, maybe promising isn't just right - though it has certainly been a beautiful beginning to this day.
It's nice to see the little lights through the windows, their reflections twinkling on the glass, and maybe swaying a bit with the coming storm.
The sky was a beautiful glowing pink this morning.
The weather lady promised snow today.
I can hardly wait to see snow on the garland - frozen flakes meeting red velvet and pine bows.
So I've marked a few spots in my book, fixed my morning brew of vanilla mocha coffee with hot cocoa, and have tucked the children in their blankets with Clifford and Super Why, or Super Readers, as Maddie calls them, with the promise of french toast and berries to come.

So, now - to the business at hand.

The first point that really strikes me today (reading Everyday Blessings) is this:
Honoring what is deepest in people is symbolically reflected in the custom of greeting others by bowing to them....
This means "I bow to the divinity within you." It signifies a shared recognition of each other's intrinsic wholeness, of what is deepest and most fundamental, and always present. You are bowing from your true nature to theirs, recalling that, at the deepest level, they are one and the same, even as we recognize that, on other levels, we are all different, unique expressions of this oneness.
And I love this....
Sometimes, people bow to cats and dogs, sometimes to trees and flowers, sometimes to the wind and the rain. And sometimes the cats and dogs, the trees and the flowers, even the wind and the rain, bow back.

The second part of this same sort of thinking, ie living mindfully and respectfully with one's children (to me that's what it means) is discussed in the idea that all people long for sovereignty. And I truly believe that all people deserve it. (I probably believe that all things deserve it too, which includes animals, plants, insects, et cetera. - all things being bearers of energy.)
Sovereignty, in the sense of one's true nature, is a universal quality of being, and life, above all, an occasion to understand what that true nature is and how it expresses itself for each of us.

These two things I think are very, very important.
This says pretty much what I want for my children. I want them to express their true nature. I don't even mean their personalities (though that, too, certainly) - but their true spiritual nature. Joy, love, empathy, kindness, exuberance, liveliness.
There are a lot of things I get "right" with living ru, and certain practices that are not mainstream or necessarily common now seem natural to me.
But I get into big trouble sometimes. Mostly when my emotions are high - I do things reactively, out of frustration or anger.
I am wondering instead of trying to curb my emotions - which is sometimes I think a lost cause, if I can simply get to a place where I can view the events around me as... not opportunities, that's a bit too cheesy and fluffy for me to swallow, or even challenges, as I've never been a person motivated by such things - but maybe as chances to better my children's childhood, and possibly find healing of my own.

One other gem that I am finding exceedingly useful information...
I've often criticized and berated myself for my seemingly out of control emotions. Often felt horrid and ashamed for not "behaving like an adult". Frankly, I'm not even sure exactly what that means, other than maybe not emotional, which I cannot fathom, and have no idea how to achieve such a thing, or even if I want to.
But here's what I read a few minutes ago:
On the other hand, if we can let go of our idea in such a moment of how things "should be", and embrace how they actually are with this child; in other words, if we can remember that we are the adult and that we can look inside ourselves at that very moment and find a way to act with some degree of wisdom and compassion, and in the best interest of our child - then our emotional state and our choices of what to do will be very different, as will be the unfolding and resolution of that moment into the next.
So, then, key words being adult behavior just being "using compassion and acting with wisdom".
That is something that I believe I can handle.

And now I really must be off.
Maddie has eaten most of the berries, and Trev wants to play pretend - he's worried about the dinosaurs' food source with the coming snow....
Til later today, hopefully.

In Stillness

On the heals of my last post I tucked myself into a quiet corner early this afternoon.

While I haven't received any earth-shattering insight, I was reminded of a few things - things my spirit may be in need of or wisdom that I'd do well to remember.

Being in Stillness is always time well spent.

Good Morning

This post is of no real import, think of it as a morning chitchat over coffee, if you will. :)

It occurred to me yesterday when I was cleaning my bedroom (alone and happy) that "living only love" for a day might take much practice. (Laughing at myself.)
Maybe the real essence of that Joyful Quest would be to try for it everyday of my life - over and over again!
I actually did pretty well yesterday with my Joyful Cleaning, but I tell ya, I'd be doing just fine, then here comes one of the babes, and knocks pictures (polished a few seconds before) off the wall.
Or grabbing stuff off my shelf, and tossing it on the floor.
hmmph!
It wasn't that they were annoyed with me, and that it was intentional, it was just usual life stuff, but I sure found it annoying!
So I've been thinking about #83, and wondering exactly what that means.
I guess it means no barking (certainly no harridan behavior). Feeling enchanted and gushy. Lots of snuggles. Lots of yeses. Lots of doing whatever our hearts wish.
Have to think on that some more.

As for this morning (I got up at 5:47), by eight o'clock I had cleaned Trev's room, Maddie's room, the picked up the playroom, cleaned my bathroom, picked up, dusted and vacuumed the livingroom, took stuff on the stairs (stuff for filing, craft papers, a lincoln log, marbles, legos, piece of track, magnets) downstairs and put away where they belong, and picked up a pile of thirty+ videoes that Maddie insists on strewing all over the den forty-nine times a day.
Not bad. I'm off to a marvelous start.
But you should see my kitchen!
Whoof!
Definitely the order of the day.
Along with lots of following the babes around to see what they're up to.
A Happy Day to you.

October 10

This one's probably going to have lots of subjects - :) but not necessarily any interesting ones!

Whenever I add on a couple of things for "103 Things" I repost it again. In doing so, like yesterday, I am often reminded of the things I'd like to do to better enjoy my life. Well, maybe not better enjoy it, as we do pretty well, but of joyful things -bigger or different things - that I might forget about. That list was a really good idea (if you'll remember it wasn't mine, I got the idea back in June from Sally - she has since taken her list down).

Yesterday was pretty great for me. We played alot, and did some crafty things. After reviewing my list, I was thinking maybe I'd be able to claim #83 (live only love for an entire day) for yesterday, but while it was an easy and flowing day, I think I'll try to make it especially shiny, and try to claim it for today.

Today I'd like to be able to cross off #83, which means always acting out of love and patience.

I'd also :) like to get my house the rest of the way cleaned. It's all done but my bedroom, -er, add the kitchen to that, too - but 'course everything else will have to again be wiped down or polished or dusted and vaccuumed, but that doesn't take too long.

Can you have lots of love and a clean house in the same day?
That is the question, isn't it?
We'll see....