Evolution Part I

I remember a few years ago, when I was having a bit of trouble with Trev, he may have been eighteen months or so - sitting at my mother's table with my sisters, and saying "I just want to be able to use a sing-song voice with him, you know, speak softly and sweetly, not have to shout or get angry." or some such thing. And I remember they raised their brows, and said "With him?!? No, it's not possible! It doesn't work that way." or something similar.I somehow knew even then that I could parent this child differently - better- than mainstream parenting does. I felt sad and disappointed (in myself and in motherhood) when my sister's made their comment. Sad that there wasn't another way, sad that my relationship with him was going to suffer through shouting, frustration, sad that he wasn't going to have a magical childhood with an exceptional mother cheering him on.
My mother contributed to my evolution in a major way. Not how you may think, and not even by demonstrating how not to do it (we'll get to that later lol) but by gifting my newly born daughter with a book. I think it's called "My Mother gave Me the Moon". She wrote an inscription inside to Maddie, telling her lucky she was to be born into this family, how lucky she was to have me for a mother.
Now I felt like it was more of a gift to me than to my daughter. And I tell you, even though I did not feel like that mother, I sure wanted to be.
I would just quote you the book, but it needs the pictures to affect, so I will just give you an idea. It talks about how the author's mother gave her a love of living things, teaching her gentle ways, gave her the sun, stars, and the moon, how she made ordinary days extraordinary, and special days nothing short of magical.I think reading this book was the second big step in my evolution. I wanted to be that mother for my children. I want to give them the gift of a love of life and learning, to make everyday into "ordinary life magic".

The other day after Littles playgroup we had our second doctor's appointment to get a check-up on Trevy's finger. Trev knew about the appointment, and I reminded him at about 1/2 an hour before we had to leave, and then at about 5 minutes, and then a minute, and then went to collect him and he was trying to hide. It made me smile. He was peeking out of the slide enclosure, looking at me, wondering if I knew where he was. I just went over and told him it was time to go. I knew he wasn't going to want to, of course, but it got ugly.
The difference this time was that it wasn't the opinions or judgments of other mothers (not my group) that I was worried about. I wasn't concerned with them, as I had seen many a mother drag a screaming child out of the park that day. I was concerned with my relationship with my son. I really had to go (it was about 1:25, the apt was at 1:30), and I tried talking with him, and ended up grabbing his arm (that made it ugly, he was screaming "let go of me!" he detests feeling trapped.) and saying "We have to go!!!" Told everyone 'bye as I passed by with my struggling son, then I let him go and he stayed with me. I hated it. I wasn't even concerned with the scene, which I would be ordinarily, I was concerned that this was not going well. Another step in my evolution, to be sure. More concerned with my child's feelings than being judged as a mother that cannont control her child, ie labeled "a bad mother".
Two days later Trev witnessed a child (an acquaintance) being handled in the same manor, held by the arm, and he did best to liberate the child from the mother. I wasn't sure if I should laugh, or be mortified. I understood his concern, of course, but I stepped in and told him that it wasn't his place to come between a child and her mother when they were talking. Secretly, I am sort of proud of him, as he understood well that feeling, and was going to do his best to right the wrong. Maybe the next time I'll handle it differently, and just be there to protect him if the mother transfers her frustration on him. I don't know, I think I have some major evolving to do before I could let it go that far! lol. I will probably just talk with him again, and tell him he probably doesn't know the whole story, that I understand that he is trying to help his friend, but that the mommy is frustrated, and needs help from the child, and his interfering will probably make her more frustrated. That doesn't sound right, though. Why shouldn't he stick up for her? I'll have to think about it.
The thing is, there really is no reason that children should automatically respect adults when the adult does not automatically respect the child. People are people. Just because you are young doesn't mean you have not earned the right to be treated as a human being, or that your feelings, thoughts, fears, and concerns are not as valid as everyone else's. I have come across lots of people who's opinion isn't worth much to me, but it has more to do with their ignorance, lack of judgment, or inability to think for themselves that I discount, and what better way to raise a sheep then to mow down a child fourty times a day with a "because I said so" or because "that's the way life is" or because "the neighbors may talk". That doesn't teach them how to think for themselves. It teaches them that they don't matter much. That doesn't seem to me to be the best way to make the world a better place.
When I think of a child that an unthoughtful adult might deem as "good" or "well-behaved", it usually means a child that obeys everyone (all adults, and even other children), that never gives anyone any grief, never issues challenges, never makes joyful noise, doesn't show emotion other than a smile or laugh (never screams in frustration, terror or jubilation), never does anything differently than any one else would, etc. I think we all would agree that this child would be a bit terrefying. We would be terrefied for him. We would seriously have to consider that he had some serious damage to him done, and should maybe be tested for sociopathy or worse.

Yesterday at the park I was watching my son cause a bit of trouble for some people. He was (as children are want to do) climbing up the slide, a long sort of plastic tunnel one- and causing traffic jams.
A couple of mothers came over and were trying to get him or their children out, and initially I was concerned that he was showing "improper public behavior". I went over to have a chat with him about how there were lots of children who wanted to come down the slide, and it was only fair that they got a chance to do so, that little children might get hurt when they ran into him inside the tunnel. As I said on Ordinary Life Magic, he told me that he was "trying to sleep!", being a cat, and it was indeed a fine place for a catnap. He was pretty insistent, but eventually he came out, and went off somewhere else.
A few minutes later, maybe 10 or so, I saw him at the bottom again and an old man talking with him. Now this man had a child with him (his grandson, or great grandson) the boy was probably at least ten, and not a small child. Anyway, Trev didn't look too concerned, like he was threatened, so I wasn't too worried about it.
About a minute later I saw him walking toward me, bawling. I didn't know if he was hurt, or what! I asked him what happened, and he finally got out between sobs "That man pushed me off the slide!!!" and then a minute later "he called me a Bad Boy!"
I couldn't hardly believe it. I spotted the man I had seen the minute before walking away with his wife and the boy, and I asked Trev if that was him. He said it was.
I told Trev that the man did not have the right to touch him, much less push him (not sure how forceful he was, Trev doesn't like to be manhandled even a little bit) and I was so sorry that it happened. After I had dealt with his feelings (I think) I told him that the man might have been concerned with the safety of the other children, or that he might be someone who has no imagination, and believes there is only one right way to do things.
He stayed with me for a few minutes, and then I noticed that the slide had no one playing on it.
I pointed it out to Trev, and told him that now would be a good time to play on it however he wanted to, as there was no one else there. He happily ran off to do just that.
Too bad I had not thought of that solution a few minutes before. But the thought that the slide would open up soon had just not occurred to me! Now I know, and I'll know just how to handle it the next time. Just remind him that everyone has rights, and that it would be best to watch out for the smaller children, and to wait a few minutes, and play on it when it isn't so busy.

It's too bad that we cannot have a practice run at parenting. The only practice and skill building we get is when we experience it as children. Not always the greatest time to learn how to be a parent. Sometimes it works well, of course. But sometimes we get so used to the "because I said so"'s that we think that's just the way it is, and should be.
We tend to treat our children how we were treated, can't or don't evolve beyond it, or even question if we should.Not always a great circle, or conducive to a happy, healthy cycle.
Dr. Phil always says "Don't be too hard on yourself, you did the best you could with what you had." I don't really cotton to that notion. I think I have said as much before on this blog, ignorance is no excuse. If "When you know better you do better" is true, then people (I) should damn well hit the books and do some soul searching about how they are living their lives.
On the other hand, :), I can certainly understand it, as I said, you learn parenting from being a parented child. Some things we adapt, some we rebel against, some become intrinsic, and some are deep, dark, and ugly. Feelings of not measuring up... not being smart enough, kind enough, fast enough, good enough, bright enough, unworthy of being accepted or loved. Yuck. We cannot but help take that with us.
How we are treated as children determines how we see ourselves. It's not just that I want my children to experience a full of wonder, free, and magical childhood, it's that I want them to feel great and accepting about who they are.
If they know that they are better, they'll do better. They won't be able to help it.

Depleted

I am almost completely worthless today. I couldn't get anything done yesterday, either. I think it is probably from Trev's accident, I am just about totally drained. I get up to get a chore done, and within seconds I am drifting somewhere else, and then sitting down a few seconds later. The only thing that really appeals to me is laying down, watching tv, or sitting here reading.
A temporary dis-ease.
I just really wanted to get my house in perfect order today, for Eric has the day off tomorrow, and we usually try to have a fun family day. Maybe since I've spent two days in a daze, tomorrow morning I will be renewed, and can get some things done before they even wake up. One can hope.

I've been reading this book, called "Spiritual House Cleaning". I read alot from other homeschoolers, and unschoolers, and a lot of them have a relaxed, "it can always be done later" philosophy. To leave the house, if it (the mess) is bothering you, and get outside and forget about it.
I'm not able to do that, and reading this book makes sense to me, as it is how I feel. If I see messes around me, it makes me feel nervous and chaotic, or angry, or completely frustrated. It feels like there is ....crap....taking over my life. I don't like it. That is not to say that my house is usually perfect, (because it isn't), only that I always wish it were. I find life much more pleasant, and bliss attainable when things are neat and tidy. It feels like starting afresh, and not having lurking garbage (physically and energetically) around helps me with moving forward into another happy moment. No crap wearing me down, or dragging me back into yesterday's yuckies.
Anyway, it was nice to read someone else's philosophies that are in line with my own, although she speaks as if she lives alone (grin).

I gotta go think about supper now.
bye for now

The Popsicle Police

I think I mentioned yesterday that I have been having trouble with Trevelyn eating an exhorbitant amount of popsicles. I mean like a dozen in a day.
Today I told him to hold off until I could think about it. A couple of days ago I started making them with condensed koolaid and no sugar, thinking that I would not care if he ate them all up in one day. But as I saw his stained cheek when he woke up this morning, and his blistered lips, either from sucking on something so cold, or they were cold and ripped some skin off his lips, I got upset. My true feeling was "I want you to learn to self regulate, but you are not doing it fast enough to please me so now I have to take away your freedom until you can be trusted to eat healthy foods again."
And then I realized that the boy does not have any apples in the house. Or washed and rinsed sugar snap peas. Or any grape tomatoes. Or crackers for peanut-buttered crackers. So. After being a decent parent, by practicing some mindful parenting and realizing that it was actually my fault that he was looking for popsicles, I then sat down with him and told him what I was thinking and feeling. That I wanted to allow him to have as much as he desired, but that I wanted him to pay attention to his body's need for healthy foods. So tonight when Daddy got home (or tomorrow, if it's unreasonably late) we would go to the store, and he could pick out lots of healthy foods for him to snack on. I also posted on the Littles group for great summertime treat recipes. Then I got on Martha's site, and found some recipes for yougurt and berry popsicles. So I made some out of yougurt, lemon juice, orange juice, and blueberries. Sarah on Littles also suggested chocolate milk popsicles. I am thinking with Ovaltine. Aah. Now we're thinkin'. I asked him if he was hungry, made him another sandwich, got him a huge glass of water, gave him some graham crackers, and am now feeling like a half-way decent RU mother.I had considered earlier that since his lip had blood marks that I was justified in taking away his right to the popsicles, but it just didn't sit well. I had to do some searching to figure out what I needed to do.
No doubt it helped immensely that I am reading "Unconditional Parenting - Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason" by Alfie Kohn. It's not specifically for RU, but about mindful parenting, teaching our children that we love them unconditionally instead of conditionally, ie respecting them as people, and not withdrawing our love for them when we are angry or frustrated. Which I am very guilty of. It's not that I don't love him, of course, it's that my emotions run high, and when I am angry I have a really hard time being pleasant, way too self-indulgent in my emotions. Or at least the display of my emotions. It is extrememy challenging for me to be the parent, and not a fighting-for-control child.
Back to the popsicles...he had a peanut butter sandwich, frozen peas, and carrots for lunch. Then a popsicle. Then grapes. Then another peanutbutter sandwich. Then the graham crackers. Then a popsicle. He was just in there for another, and I saw the red burn on his cheek, "Does this hurt?" "Nah, it only hurts a little bit!"as I was trying to scrub off the koolaid stain that I think is a red freeze-burn. "Trevy, I don't like this. Let's go see your cheek in the mirror. That's from freezing your cheek, honey. It needs to heal." and then the dreaded "no more popsicles today." But actually I feel okay with the decision, I don't like that angry red mark on his cheek. "How about some green beans?" "Broccoli!" great. Broccoli is on, he's in the fridge (it's now 6:00) getting out the peanut butter for another sandwich. Hungry boy today.
Of course the whole thing seems more pronounced and important than it probably is because it is constantly on my mind, and I am reading the book. Trying not to be controlling, and trying to muddle through this current issue with grace and consciousness.
Parenting is tough.

May 20, 2006

Much of life has passed since I have last written. No quarrels, thankfully. Oh, except with Trevelyn.
go back and forth with him.
I want to let him have his freedom, but then he eats a dozen popsicles in a day, and I worry that he is not regulating, paying attention to his body. Maybe I should spell it out for him - "You can have a popsicle whenever you want, I will not take them away from you. But please pay attention to the other things your body needs, protein, vegetables, fruit, and calcium." Every thing I read on RU says that after they see that you really are NOT going to take it away from them, or tell them how much they can have, the novelty really does wear off, as it isn't a matter of hurrying and eating as much as they can while you are outside mowing the grass. I did decide to make sugar-free popsicles at home, instead of buying $4 boxes of them. I'll make some real ones with juice (or buy them) but I also bought koolaid to make them, and am making those with stevia, a natural herbal sweetner. I also bought 4 more popsicle makers today, they make 4 at a time. Those cost very little to make, 25 cents for two dozen?, so it won't put me in the poor house, or make me irritated that he is eating them up all in one day.
sigh.
I guess that is what I should do, sit him down and talk with him about appropriate foods, what foods are good for what part of the body. A video and a couple of great library books. He would go for that, I think.
It's not as if he is going to fall over and die, I think most teenagers (and some of our adult friends) live on fastfood hamburgers and french fries. People can live a long time on that sort of stuff. I just need to let him know about how and why to keep his body healthy and strong.
He is a reasonable, intelligent boy, so I think he would listen.

We got a Leap dvd from the store the other day, and since then he has been going around the house singing "the 'a' says aaa, the 'b' says b" and so forth. He was singing in the bathtub a few days ago, and I took a couple of letters in there, an 'i' and 'f', and he managed to put them togetherto read "if". I, of course, was thrilled. Been asking him on and off a bit since then, but I don't want to take the pleasure out of it for him, and don't want to stress him, or make him think he can't learn it all on his own. He should be very proud of himself, he is teaching himself how to read. I am releived, thrilled, and very pleased. I don't want to forcefully teach him, and therefore am thankful he is learning on his own.

Parenting is a brutal business. Do you know it? God. You want to get it right, indeed - perfect, and it's a very tough game.I am currently reading Alfie Kohn's book "Unconditoinal Parenting", which talks about the trouble with rewards and punishments, and how devistating they can be to a child's confidence, learning, and destructive to who they are. It's a most valuable read, right now.
I am still in the part about "don't do this because this may happen", so I am eagerly making my way through to the "do" section.I am hoping for a paradigm shift, as I believe the theory to be true.
More on this later, I really have to get for now.
Stephanie

April 22

Yesterday we met with our local unschooler's group.They were a fine bunch! I liked them very much. They are all bright, exceptional women. There were six families including us. Some of them also belong to a club called "Project Wild", ( http://www.projectwild.org/ )which is an earth-friendly, eco-responsible theory for teaching and encouraging children to respect and cherish the earth and its inhabitants. I think we will attempt to go soon, maybe in a few weeks, as I have said, we are out of classes for the moment. Teri made it clear yesterday that it was very laid back and open. So we shall see. It sounds like something that my family would enjoy very much! Definitely in the future, if not immediately.
We have also been invited to a friend's house in Tooele for a knitting circle, which I would also love, but this month I don't have my materials, and I hope to get the truck's door fixed this week.
There is also swimming day at Fairmont Park, once a week, and skate days twice a month at the roller rink, alternative Fridays (from skate days) are Eastside Park days, and the Littles group plans to have hikes pretty regularly this spring and summer.I also bought a membership for Trev and I to Red Butte Gardens, (the theme this year is dinos! woohoo!), and we also get to go to the Eccles Dinosaur Park for free with our garden membership this year. Yay!
I think many of us are getting together at Liberty Park this year for outdoor swim days, for a walk then swim. There is tons to do there. Tiny amusement park, water play, playground, Tracy Aviary, much to entertain there.
Tuesdays we have playgroup. Unstructured.We have lots to do, and lots of friends to do it with! (But what about socialization? : ) )
This summer promises to be very fun-filled.
Eric is taking off work the week of Trevy's birthday, and we are going out to Dinosaur Land in Vernal.We have never been, and I think it will be really cool to see real fossils still-in-the-ground.
I told Trev that the whole town loves dinosaurs, that they are everywhere. He is very excited.
Don't know why I am going on and on about this stuff today, other than it is a magnificent spring day, high of like 74 today, so thinking and feeling spring and summer! (Three or four days ago there was a high temp of 42!)
Anyway, I'm done for now, and will be back soon.
Wishing you well, Steph

April 19

Well, today was much easier. T was open to suggestions of healthy foods, of course he woke up with "Can I have a green popsicle?" and I said "Oh yes, you may have one after lunch!" It didn't escallate, he accepted it and moved on.
He was agreeable and helpful today.I am tired and going to snuggle on the couch with dh and T.
Goodnight.

April 18

Grrr. Having trouble with T in the food department. Wasn't I just saying how much and often he chooses healthy foods? Not the last three days! Ever since the Easter Bunny came it's popsicles, jellybeans, chocolate, and that's about it! I told him I didn't like his choices, and he needed to consider eating healthy foods too, or Iwas going to have to take his choice away.
I know this is the wrong way to handle it, and I suppose if I let him eat complete junk food for three days he would come around. That's probably what I should do, let him have his way until he either gets completely sick of candy (or just sick) or eats it all! : ) The thing is .... I am really cranky tonight, and now I am wondering if it's because I have fought with him over this stupid issue today. I get mad, I take away his choice, he gets sassy and feels disrespected, disrespects me in return, I get mad at the way he talks to me, I yell at him to not yell at me... round and round and round we go...
Do you spose we could be in a cycle? A circle? I really need to pay attention and notice if when I am kind and patient if my child is "more agreeable". What I mean is, do I truly find him more loving and sweet when I am in good humor, or am I just more amiable and tolerant? I certainly notice beastly behavior when I am feeling beastly.
Do you suppose kindness and respect beget kindness and respect? huh. Wouldn't that be a novelty?

On the upside! I am inheriting my Papa's digital camera, I sent him a note asking about what to look for because I was shopping for one, and he informed me that he didn't use his hardly ever, and wanted to upgrade, so I could take his off his hands (his throw around one, not his professional one). The price was reasonable : ) so I agreed! Yay! So soon we will have pics up of my angels. If I can ever figure out how to work it.
One of the purposes of this blog is to sort of take note of our unschooling journey, so I will be glad to take pics of "ordinary life magic" as I like to call it.

Anyway. I am ready for bed, and there is a little boy and dh snuggling on the couch without me, so I think I will gather them up and point them to my bedroom.
Goodnight.

On Radical Unschooling

The name "Radical Unschooling" can seem a bit terrefying. Another name for it is "Whole Life Unschooling". What this means is... just as you trust your child's ability to learn and seek, so do you trust them to make the correct choices for themselves in the entirety of their lives.This is not to say that unschooling is unparenting. It's really quite the opposite. It's extremely involved parenting. Mindful parenting. Paying attention to everything-you-do-and-say parenting. Unschooling parents view themselves as the facilitators, not teachers. I believe that no one can ever "teach" anyone anything. To me teaching means standing over someone literally pounding facts into their head, and it has about as much permanence and use.
Memorized facts are released out of the mind either immediately after a institutional-type test, or as soon as they are no longer used.
Things that are discovered have a much more lasting and illuminating effect. I think we would all agree that figuring something out for yourself has much greater impact than hearing someone tell us about it in words we don't understand.
Lots of people believe that children must be controlled or they will simply spin off the earth (or somehow destroy it). Radical Unschoolers believe that if children are not controlled they will better learn to control themselves.

A few months ago I quit giving my son limits on his TV watching. Previously, I was concerned about it, I thought he was watching too much, worried that he was not learning enough, afraid his brain was going to melt, holding him up to the dreaded standard of his peers, and fearing that maybe he was lacking. Oh, and of course fearing that the televisoin would simply spontaneously combust from overuse.
Guess what? It didn't happen. Know what did? He started playing in his room first thing in the morning instead. He goes outside. He runs with Annabell (our Giant Saint Bernard). He wants to learn the letters on the computer.
Does he watch television? Oh, yes, he does. His current favorite is The Magic School Bus. He has learned about echolocation. (Bats using sound vibration to determine where the mosquitos are that they are wanting to eat.)
He has learned that (cough cough) "Mommy, bacteria is making me sick." That white blood cells eat bacteria, and that they shoot antibodies at the bacteria, also.
He has learned that water is permanent, and has three stages. Water, vapor, and ice. He knows that a water drop turns into gas (evaporation) and that it floats into the air and then joins with other vapor, making a cloud, then turns heavy and into rain again.
He knows that hawks are at the top of the food chain, and that grass is at the bottom of that one. That photoplankton is at the bottom of another, and that sharks are at the top of that one.
My son is bright, quick, kind, and loving. And he watches television. And he eats healthy foods. Another area of RU thought. That if given the choice, true choice, without recriminations, children will, in fact, quite often choose healthy foods. Granted, when we first get home from the store with a new box of popsicles, they are sorely on his mind and he is hardly unable to think of anything else, and he might eat one and then immediately ask for another. But after a quick non-lecturing reminder that healthy bodies need healthy foods too, he will remember the sugar snap peas that he was also very excited about.
The other day he actually came in and said "Mommy, I need some healthy vegetables!" I will admit that I am still new enough at this that I am often more pleased with our lives/choices than I should be. Soon I will take it for what it is - ordinary life magic, but for now it's special life magic.

Another area of RU thought is cleaning. I find it's best not to treat our "household chores" as chores. In more ways than one! First of all, I would never fight with my sweet son as I did when it was time for him to clean his room. Standing over him, pointing to something, "Right there! Pick that up, and put it where it goes!" "Now!"
This after two hours of "Clean up your room." "Pick up your dinosaurs." "Stack your books, and I'll put them away." Pick up your LeapPad and put it away." "Pick that up." "Hurry, friends are coming, and you only have another half hour!" or "You had better hurry, or we will not make it to the library!" Ugh. Let me tell you that those were not happy, loving, accepting, joyful moments. (hours.)
Secondly, I have changed the way I view cleaning. I see it as more of a ritual cleansing of the yuckies. Open the windows (I cannot tell you how happy I am that spring is here), letting the old air out, a cleansing breeze wafting through the door and windows, imagining bad feelings, frustrations, yelling, any yuckies being washed away as I clean. I now view cleaning as a joyful act, I truly and greatly appreciate a clean house, I want it clean, so I can function as a kind person, and so I clean it. Sometimes I get help, sometimes I don't. But if I want it clean, then why shouldn't I be the one to clean it?
That is not to say that no one should be responsible for picking up anything. But mostly if I ask, "Hey, will you pick that up and take it to your room? I am really appreciating this clean house!" or some such thing it's amazing how helpful and kind every one is.

Rules are another biggie in RU thought. "You have to have rules!" most people believe. RU thought is that you don't. Rules are some arbitrary thing that are forced upon you without your consent. Rules are broken and bent.
Now "principles" are another thing entirely. Principles are something you live by because you believe in its intrinsic value. Because you believe it is the right thing to do.
A rule is "no hitting". Living by principle would be "Be kind to others."I try to help my children to understand natural consequences. It is something I want them to notice, how I believe we can all take responsibilities for our lives. I am a firm believer in natural law, and I try to show my children where their choices might lead them to an unhappy ending or to a circumstance that they may not like. "You might want to pick up your dinosaurs so the puppy doesn't eat them." sort of thing.
Our "rule" in our house is "Everyone has the right to feel safe, happy, and free." We try to make our decisions accordingly.

I have possibly given the impression that our home is an enchated cottage that never sees strife, conflict or yelling, -or filled with rotten, beastly children -but it isn't so. I am working (actively at moments, theoretically during others) on not yelling, and making my home as magical and beautiful as possible, but it is a challenge. There are a thousand things a day that topple my composure (the puppy peeing in the house, T screaming at Annabell to "Leave me alone!" M getting into something, muddy paw prints, diapers that need folding, fixing this or that, hungry babies, etc., but the point is that I am working on it, I am trying, I am giving it my best. Someday I shall have a completely (windows, walls, basement, gardens, toilets) clean house, I shall be master of my vocal chords, my responses will be cultured instead of reactionary, and I will have nothing to do for the afternoon except sit on my patio and contemplate the serenity that surrounds me. Thank goodness I do get those moments in flashes, it is what keeps me going. Aah bliss.

But for now they are only moments. They come often enough to keep me going, and are happy enough that I can see that I am on the right road for myself and my children.

Stephanie

"Those who have been required to memorize the world as it is will never create the world as it might be."Judith Groch