Did I say that I've totally flailed in the strewing department lately? It's like I've been on a parenting leave-of- absence!
I'm not sure why that is, other than maybe the holidays are busy, and then after that I was sort of pursuing my own interests, and trying to fix some things rattling around, kicking up dust and rust in my head.
I was reading posts here from September, when I really was doing a fine job at strewing lots of great things. For some reason I felt guilt about it, like I was doing it wrong. Maybe I had a couple of moments of seeming coersion, I dunno. I don't think so, though. Maybe I was just worrying that other ruers would think our learning to read at four and five instead of later was coersive. Maybe it was because I was just starting to be really good at it (strewing), and was actively doing it, instead of letting the children take the lead. I think that's probably most of it. Previously I had let them lead, but when we got into a lull, I took the lead, (inviting them to join in) and that felt really different.
Now we're in another lull, and it's time to take the reigns again! I actually really enjoy getting those particular juices flowing. It's fun to me to come up with new ways of doing things, or bringing up some subject into which we have yet to dip our toes.
Oddly enough, it really helps when I keep up on the blogs, it keeps me tuned in to what we really are learning and exploring every day. It helps me to recognize the moments of learning.
I've actually been encouraged reading other unschoolers' posts and blogs, reading about learning to write, read, count, etc. I've also decided that it's quite acceptable to bring things that may bear a slight resemblance to the dreaded textbooks to the table. It's just as acceptable for me to bring up something I'm interested in, as it is for my children to express an interest in the things they do. What I mean is, I'm finally beginning to find a balance in this way of life - unschooling and respectful parenting. Throw biology books in the cabinet. Check out some biographies suitable for young readers from the library. Choose Discovery Channel when it's my turn to watch. Sometimes when asked "Does this look interesting to you?" the answer will be an automatic "uh, not really!" (since it has no resemblance to dinosaurs or scooby doo) but I'm learning that it might be just the ticket to get it anyway, and to watch, read, play with it, and if no one else is interested, that's fine. If others join in, then great!, I have company. We might even be swept away wondrously to some new, enchanting place.
The line for me is becoming more and more clear, between manipulation and leading. Leading (and by that I mean strewing) is to me, what I just described. It's being unattached to the outcome. Manipulating is trying to get something to go your way, and then being perturbed when it doesn't pan out how one had intended, and then perhaps still trying to get things to go a certain way.
I'm finding that it has a lot to do with my feelings about the subject. Not in an analytical and justifiable sort of way, but if the doing of it makes me feel crappy, or free. (like when I tell Trev "no" about something, because I am experiencing fear about what will come of it - too much cartoon planet, too much candy, etc. When I do that I feel tense, angry, and controlling. Altogether a very crappy feeling!) Tuning in and paying attention to my words and thoughts/feelings about it.
This seems to be the lesson of late, for me, go within often, listen, and be mindful.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Sunday, January 28, 2007
January 28
I'm not even sure what I'm going to write about, but it's been a really long time, so I at least wanted to check in!
Things are alright with me, I spose.
I've gotten to this wierd "seems like I'm always uptight" mode which I absolutely don't like. Not sure how I got there. But one thing I do know, and that is that having it be my focus sure as hell isn't going to change anything!
Trev and I were at odds and bickering for several days in a row for a while, and that was certainly not pleasant. I felt used and abused, he felt bossed around. Both of us were certainly within our rights to feel mistreated.
However, that particular spell has passed, even though I'm still feeling more stressed than I would like. I've started taking kava kava and St. John's wort. Feeling better. I also know that meditation and exercise (instead of just "activity") is definitely in order. Working on that, as well.
Been hitting the books again. Been studying my preferred strain of philosphy, as well as more... esoteric pursuits. It was time. I go along happy for miles and miles, and then somehow my focus gets put on the back burner, deemed unimportant, as ordinary life intrudes, and I have to clean up dog poo for a while. :)
Anyway, currently, with the latest afore-mentioned woes, I've decided (remembered) a few Very Important Things, which are (in no particular order):
As you think, so shall you Be. (Proverbs)
You can't solve a problem with the same mind that created it. (Albert Einstein)
Even the least among you can do all that I have done... and even Greater Things. (Jesus)
The ancestor to every action is a thought. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
and currently the most helpful...
Treat yourself as if you already are what you'd like to Become. (Wayne Dyer)
Now there's fodder for a welcome shift. Instead of dwelling on the mistakes, pains, and unsatisfactory responses of the day, and belittling one's (my) self for imperfections, and dwelling on them, start behaving and thinking as if I already AM that Great Being that I attain/desire to be, and much of the day's garbage just falls by the wayside. It's a non-issue. (Love that non-challenging living! when things are just natural and peacefully work out.)
Things are alright with me, I spose.
I've gotten to this wierd "seems like I'm always uptight" mode which I absolutely don't like. Not sure how I got there. But one thing I do know, and that is that having it be my focus sure as hell isn't going to change anything!
Trev and I were at odds and bickering for several days in a row for a while, and that was certainly not pleasant. I felt used and abused, he felt bossed around. Both of us were certainly within our rights to feel mistreated.
However, that particular spell has passed, even though I'm still feeling more stressed than I would like. I've started taking kava kava and St. John's wort. Feeling better. I also know that meditation and exercise (instead of just "activity") is definitely in order. Working on that, as well.
Been hitting the books again. Been studying my preferred strain of philosphy, as well as more... esoteric pursuits. It was time. I go along happy for miles and miles, and then somehow my focus gets put on the back burner, deemed unimportant, as ordinary life intrudes, and I have to clean up dog poo for a while. :)
Anyway, currently, with the latest afore-mentioned woes, I've decided (remembered) a few Very Important Things, which are (in no particular order):
As you think, so shall you Be. (Proverbs)
You can't solve a problem with the same mind that created it. (Albert Einstein)
Even the least among you can do all that I have done... and even Greater Things. (Jesus)
The ancestor to every action is a thought. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
and currently the most helpful...
Treat yourself as if you already are what you'd like to Become. (Wayne Dyer)
Now there's fodder for a welcome shift. Instead of dwelling on the mistakes, pains, and unsatisfactory responses of the day, and belittling one's (my) self for imperfections, and dwelling on them, start behaving and thinking as if I already AM that Great Being that I attain/desire to be, and much of the day's garbage just falls by the wayside. It's a non-issue. (Love that non-challenging living! when things are just natural and peacefully work out.)
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Evolution: Part II
I feel like I'm evolving at lightning speed lately.
The latest thought emerging, like so many lately, is not due to solely (or even mainly) to my own insights, but also accredited to my darling friend Melissia. It's amazing how fast I process, simply because she engages with me, spurring me into these shifts.
How wonderful for me! :)
On the way down the canyon from our mama's outing (Friday and Saturday) I mentioned my discomfort (recognition of the "wrongness") with saying "How would you like it if... (I did that to you)?" ie, if Maddy gets pushed, or Annabelle gets mistreated, whatever. For some reason, I've been acting and thinking as if I don't point out bad behavior to Trevelyn, then he won't recognize it. Intuitively, I know that to be untrue.
Let me be explicit....
Today when I was on the phone with Melissia, I hear Eric say "Apologize to your sister!" and I wince and grimace. Immediately I've checked out of my conversation with my friend, and started worrying about what's going on in the den. Melissia wraps up what she was saying, and I tell her of my current dilemma. She graciously excuses me, and I get off the phone.
I come back to the den, and since Maddie seems to be Recovered, and Trev runs over to me immediately, I attend to his needs first.
"What has happened?" asked I.
Eric starts in with his version about Trevelyn ran up to and with arms out-stretched pushed Maddie to the ground, making her hit her head Hard, and she cries in pain and distress, and Eric then insists on his apologizing, and Trev says "Sorry, for God's sakes!" and Eric is then mad because Trev has delivered an unauthentic apology. Which then Eric (being the Enlightened Father that he is) says "That's what you get when you Force it out of 'em!" and I thought..."yup."
And then after I speak with Trev about the happenings, Eric pipes in with something like "Now that you mention it, it didn't look like he did it intentionally, he was just exhuberant in his running."
And shortly thereafter I'm pleased, as everything appears to be copasetic again.
I had a Mama's Retreat on Friday night. The players were Teri, Travis, Julie, Aubrey, Alyssa, Melissia, and myself. We went for the night to Teri's family's cabin up near Heber. Had dinner and conversation until 4:30 am, though I checked out (in the chair) at about 4am. Stumbled up to the upper loft to sleep as everyone was disseminating at 4:30.
It was a great time. I didn't at that time work out any personal matters, though the conversation was still intimate and enlightening.
My personal work was really done on the the way up to the cabin, and then with the same company (Melissia and Aubrey) on the way home.
My relationship with Melissia is most satisfying. She enjoys exploring her thoughts and feelings about things very similarly to the way I do. And often at the same pace! It makes for very fortuitous conversation and thought exposure, enabling me to rapidly work through strategies or still-forming ideas.
I'm much obliged to her!
The most recent evolution is moving from the thought of, as I mentioned, if I don't point it out, and Lead, then surely my child is too dense to understand the fact that if he doesn't like being harmed, others don't, either.
As I said, I haven't felt right about the practice. Melissia and I discussed it, asking why would we feel that way (I have to point out your mistakes so that you'll be an empathetic person) instead of just letting them be, as we do with other learning matters. Melissia pointed out that she thinks it's because the stakes are higher. If your child chooses to begin studying geography at 56, so be it. But if she doesn't become empathetic or caring until 80, well, that doesn't do the world or him, any good at all.
So I mentioned that it's fear holding me back.
If I were to treat my children (or all people) as I would want to be treated by personified God walking beside me, what would come of it?
If I had just hurt someone, or made some other mistake, I wouldn't want her (God) to blame or shame me. I would expect him to be kind, loving, and accepting.
So my current evolution is moving from a blaming "You did this!" bashing to a loving acceptance of what is. First I think it would be best to comfort the hurt baby or dog, to express that I feel empathy for others. Or, if something that I love has been broken, an honest expression of my sadness or regret. Not exaggerated, or done for demonstrative purposes, but an honest reaction to the damage that has been done. If it's not a big deal, and easily replaceable, then I'll voice that, too. (Like Julie says, "We can buy another xx, but we can't buy another (child)."
I'm coming to the realization that the best way to raise my children is not by beating over the head with my judgments and values, (which I've always thought but wasn't sure how to practice) but to simply live them. It's hard, but if I want my children to believe that they are divine beings, then the best way to make them feel they are is to treat them as such.
I don't know why I get hung up on "they won't learn this if I don't spell it out", especially since I've learned many things from my childhood that were certainly not directly pointed out to me. ie - "The most effective way to get a child's attention is to scream and yell. If that does't work, start hitting." and "if I don't have others' approval, then I am obviously inferior." and "I am powerless." and so on.
So I'm doing my best to make a shift from "what others expect of me" (insist my children behave a certain way) to "what's best for my children and untimately the world." I shall do my very best to treat my children, quite simpy, as I want others (God) to treat me. It sounds obvious, but it's really quite a long process. I'm sure it will have many more intracacies than I am currently seeing.
Happy trails.
The latest thought emerging, like so many lately, is not due to solely (or even mainly) to my own insights, but also accredited to my darling friend Melissia. It's amazing how fast I process, simply because she engages with me, spurring me into these shifts.
How wonderful for me! :)
On the way down the canyon from our mama's outing (Friday and Saturday) I mentioned my discomfort (recognition of the "wrongness") with saying "How would you like it if... (I did that to you)?" ie, if Maddy gets pushed, or Annabelle gets mistreated, whatever. For some reason, I've been acting and thinking as if I don't point out bad behavior to Trevelyn, then he won't recognize it. Intuitively, I know that to be untrue.
Let me be explicit....
Today when I was on the phone with Melissia, I hear Eric say "Apologize to your sister!" and I wince and grimace. Immediately I've checked out of my conversation with my friend, and started worrying about what's going on in the den. Melissia wraps up what she was saying, and I tell her of my current dilemma. She graciously excuses me, and I get off the phone.
I come back to the den, and since Maddie seems to be Recovered, and Trev runs over to me immediately, I attend to his needs first.
"What has happened?" asked I.
Eric starts in with his version about Trevelyn ran up to and with arms out-stretched pushed Maddie to the ground, making her hit her head Hard, and she cries in pain and distress, and Eric then insists on his apologizing, and Trev says "Sorry, for God's sakes!"
And then after I speak with Trev about the happenings, Eric pipes in with something like "Now that you mention it, it didn't look like he did it intentionally, he was just exhuberant in his running."
And shortly thereafter I'm pleased, as everything appears to be copasetic again.
I had a Mama's Retreat on Friday night. The players were Teri, Travis, Julie, Aubrey, Alyssa, Melissia, and myself. We went for the night to Teri's family's cabin up near Heber. Had dinner and conversation until 4:30 am, though I checked out (in the chair) at about 4am. Stumbled up to the upper loft to sleep as everyone was disseminating at 4:30.
It was a great time. I didn't at that time work out any personal matters, though the conversation was still intimate and enlightening.
My personal work was really done on the the way up to the cabin, and then with the same company (Melissia and Aubrey) on the way home.
My relationship with Melissia is most satisfying. She enjoys exploring her thoughts and feelings about things very similarly to the way I do. And often at the same pace! It makes for very fortuitous conversation and thought exposure, enabling me to rapidly work through strategies or still-forming ideas.
I'm much obliged to her!
The most recent evolution is moving from the thought of, as I mentioned, if I don't point it out, and Lead, then surely my child is too dense to understand the fact that if he doesn't like being harmed, others don't, either.
As I said, I haven't felt right about the practice. Melissia and I discussed it, asking why would we feel that way (I have to point out your mistakes so that you'll be an empathetic person) instead of just letting them be, as we do with other learning matters. Melissia pointed out that she thinks it's because the stakes are higher. If your child chooses to begin studying geography at 56, so be it. But if she doesn't become empathetic or caring until 80, well, that doesn't do the world or him, any good at all.
So I mentioned that it's fear holding me back.
If I were to treat my children (or all people) as I would want to be treated by personified God walking beside me, what would come of it?
If I had just hurt someone, or made some other mistake, I wouldn't want her (God) to blame or shame me. I would expect him to be kind, loving, and accepting.
So my current evolution is moving from a blaming "You did this!" bashing to a loving acceptance of what is. First I think it would be best to comfort the hurt baby or dog, to express that I feel empathy for others. Or, if something that I love has been broken, an honest expression of my sadness or regret. Not exaggerated, or done for demonstrative purposes, but an honest reaction to the damage that has been done. If it's not a big deal, and easily replaceable, then I'll voice that, too. (Like Julie says, "We can buy another xx, but we can't buy another (child)."
I'm coming to the realization that the best way to raise my children is not by beating over the head with my judgments and values, (which I've always thought but wasn't sure how to practice) but to simply live them. It's hard, but if I want my children to believe that they are divine beings, then the best way to make them feel they are is to treat them as such.
I don't know why I get hung up on "they won't learn this if I don't spell it out", especially since I've learned many things from my childhood that were certainly not directly pointed out to me. ie - "The most effective way to get a child's attention is to scream and yell. If that does't work, start hitting." and "if I don't have others' approval, then I am obviously inferior." and "I am powerless." and so on.
So I'm doing my best to make a shift from "what others expect of me" (insist my children behave a certain way) to "what's best for my children and untimately the world." I shall do my very best to treat my children, quite simpy, as I want others (God) to treat me. It sounds obvious, but it's really quite a long process. I'm sure it will have many more intracacies than I am currently seeing.
Happy trails.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Family Traditions: Thanksgiving
I really have been thinking on this topic. Been trying to figure out how/what/when to incorporate traditions that don't feel false or contrived. I was reading a bit in The Heart of a Family a few minutes ago, and the author told of one lady who as a teen always fasted onThanksgiving because she was horrified at the exploitation of the Native Americans in this country. Hmmm. And I also read that turkeys came about post War World II via the poultry companies. Hmmm again.
I like Thanksgiving. I like the temptation of picking at the pecan pie (even though my mother always burns it), anticipating the perfectly beautiful golden of the turkey, and even making sure there will be soft butter for the rolls. I like the colors, I like the warmth of the house from cooking all day, I like the noises; and I like the thickness of the air from steam, different aromas, a full oven, and family chatter.
But other than those things, they are never the same, as we alternate between families every year. I would like to incorporate traditions for MY family, ones that we can celebrate regardless of what or where we will be celebrating later that day.
So!
I think I'm going to paint on butcher paper a large tree, cut it out, and tape it in my hallway. I'll enlist Trevelyn and Eric in tracing their hands to make leaves, and through out the week preceding Thanksgiving, we'll write on one of our own leaves something that we are grateful for, then place it somewhere on the tree.
I think Thursday morning we'll have an intimate, large breakfast, full of seasonal fruits, maybe some pastries, maybe even some ham or sausage if it suits us - to celebrate bounty, and the abundance in our lives.
We'll visit our tree as a family, and marvel at its beauty and fullness, hopefully. Maybe next year I'll even save a branch of a tree, (or even this year if I can find a branch that begs to be trimmed) and use a real branch, instead.
This appeals to me greatly, I like the idea of having something tangible to see (and show my children) of all of our many blessings and a record of (our noticing) the bounty in our lives. Maybe we'll fill up the cornucopia and put it in a place of honor. Maybe I'll incorporate some of the tapered candles with the beautiful fall colors that I made last year. Maybe we'll light them all over our house in hopes of being mindful all year that we are blessed and hope to always be living in gratitude. Maybe it will be ceremonial. Maybe not.
But this is something we can do, a way for us to connect, an affirmation that we are something special, people bonded together inspirit and hearts, with love and thankfulness.
Steph
(first published on HTL on 11/11/2006)
I like Thanksgiving. I like the temptation of picking at the pecan pie (even though my mother always burns it), anticipating the perfectly beautiful golden of the turkey, and even making sure there will be soft butter for the rolls. I like the colors, I like the warmth of the house from cooking all day, I like the noises; and I like the thickness of the air from steam, different aromas, a full oven, and family chatter.
But other than those things, they are never the same, as we alternate between families every year. I would like to incorporate traditions for MY family, ones that we can celebrate regardless of what or where we will be celebrating later that day.
So!
I think I'm going to paint on butcher paper a large tree, cut it out, and tape it in my hallway. I'll enlist Trevelyn and Eric in tracing their hands to make leaves, and through out the week preceding Thanksgiving, we'll write on one of our own leaves something that we are grateful for, then place it somewhere on the tree.
I think Thursday morning we'll have an intimate, large breakfast, full of seasonal fruits, maybe some pastries, maybe even some ham or sausage if it suits us - to celebrate bounty, and the abundance in our lives.
We'll visit our tree as a family, and marvel at its beauty and fullness, hopefully. Maybe next year I'll even save a branch of a tree, (or even this year if I can find a branch that begs to be trimmed) and use a real branch, instead.
This appeals to me greatly, I like the idea of having something tangible to see (and show my children) of all of our many blessings and a record of (our noticing) the bounty in our lives. Maybe we'll fill up the cornucopia and put it in a place of honor. Maybe I'll incorporate some of the tapered candles with the beautiful fall colors that I made last year. Maybe we'll light them all over our house in hopes of being mindful all year that we are blessed and hope to always be living in gratitude. Maybe it will be ceremonial. Maybe not.
But this is something we can do, a way for us to connect, an affirmation that we are something special, people bonded together inspirit and hearts, with love and thankfulness.
Steph
(first published on HTL on 11/11/2006)
Sunday, September 24, 2006
The Writing on the Wall...er - Sidewalk
As you've seen, I've been wondering a bit about our more traditional methods of late.
I haven't felt any guilt or shame about doing it, as I haven't been insistent or domineering, and I've wanted to experiment with what is inspiring to him, while maintaining our partnership.
We haven't done any reading lately, but we've stayed busy with jokes, Star Wars, talking about evaporation, making our Pinwheels for Peace, discussing death (ie how nothing ever dies, it just changes form), imaginary play, visiting cousins, and visiting the children's museum.
But, the last few days, he is reading tons! Just on his own, he is sounding out words. Cereal boxes, the calendar, all sorts of things.
While I was fixing supper a few minutes ago, he put some letters together on the fridge. " 'g'. 'a'. Ga!" and off we went. I started making words for him to read. He probably did about 25? And then I pulled together 'and' and he read that, and then we added a 'h' in front of it, and he read 'hand'. It was so cool to see him initiate it. A couple of the letters he faltered over, as we have not done them in several days, and he asked me what the sound was, and I told him. After we were done, he headed off to the living room to put in Leap's Letters. I'm not sure if it was my "N, the 'n' says 'nnn'....Not now, not next week, not never!" that prompted him to put in the dvd, I don't know, or if he wanted a refresher course, or what.
But he put it in, and a few minutes later he heads out the front door to write a huge capital H on our sidewalk with chalk. He wanted to show me, so I went out there, and I of course was properly impressed! It is his first letter. We've practiced a tiny bit, but I wasn't sure if he was wanting to, or not. And then while I was out there oohing over his H, he wanted to know how to write a lower case h, and a lower case a, and capital B, and on we went.
We came inside, and I got out the magnet board, which is dry erase on the other side, and some erasable markers, and told him he could draw letters to his hearts content, and I would take the picture. He did for a while, but kept erasing it, and I didn't get a picture of the letters, only of him writing.
I've been wondering if I can rightly call myself an unschooler, as I've been doing some initiating, and we've been practicing reading, but after seeing Trevelyn reading things, just for his own satisfaction tells me that he is wanting to, and ready for reading. I see that the things we've been doing lately have been inspiring to him. He's picking up everything, and saying "what shape is this? Right! a diamond!" and what shape is this? and so on.
Life is pretty marvelous.
My family is in the living room, snuggling in, and watching Star Wars (one of them). I'm going to go join them.
G'night
I haven't felt any guilt or shame about doing it, as I haven't been insistent or domineering, and I've wanted to experiment with what is inspiring to him, while maintaining our partnership.
We haven't done any reading lately, but we've stayed busy with jokes, Star Wars, talking about evaporation, making our Pinwheels for Peace, discussing death (ie how nothing ever dies, it just changes form), imaginary play, visiting cousins, and visiting the children's museum.
But, the last few days, he is reading tons! Just on his own, he is sounding out words. Cereal boxes, the calendar, all sorts of things.
While I was fixing supper a few minutes ago, he put some letters together on the fridge. " 'g'. 'a'. Ga!" and off we went. I started making words for him to read. He probably did about 25? And then I pulled together 'and' and he read that, and then we added a 'h' in front of it, and he read 'hand'. It was so cool to see him initiate it. A couple of the letters he faltered over, as we have not done them in several days, and he asked me what the sound was, and I told him. After we were done, he headed off to the living room to put in Leap's Letters. I'm not sure if it was my "N, the 'n' says 'nnn'....Not now, not next week, not never!" that prompted him to put in the dvd, I don't know, or if he wanted a refresher course, or what.
But he put it in, and a few minutes later he heads out the front door to write a huge capital H on our sidewalk with chalk. He wanted to show me, so I went out there, and I of course was properly impressed! It is his first letter. We've practiced a tiny bit, but I wasn't sure if he was wanting to, or not. And then while I was out there oohing over his H, he wanted to know how to write a lower case h, and a lower case a, and capital B, and on we went.
We came inside, and I got out the magnet board, which is dry erase on the other side, and some erasable markers, and told him he could draw letters to his hearts content, and I would take the picture. He did for a while, but kept erasing it, and I didn't get a picture of the letters, only of him writing.
I've been wondering if I can rightly call myself an unschooler, as I've been doing some initiating, and we've been practicing reading, but after seeing Trevelyn reading things, just for his own satisfaction tells me that he is wanting to, and ready for reading. I see that the things we've been doing lately have been inspiring to him. He's picking up everything, and saying "what shape is this? Right! a diamond!" and what shape is this? and so on.
Life is pretty marvelous.
My family is in the living room, snuggling in, and watching Star Wars (one of them). I'm going to go join them.
G'night
Saturday, September 16, 2006
School, Cleaning, and Treats
First of all I suppose I'll address the school issue. I realize the flavor of much of our learning lately has been that of school.
It's not that I find dissatisfaction, or incompleteness in unschooling. I'm just trying to find my way. For quite a while, I was just letting Trev roam at will, explore at will, and often he was very active. He'd get out his LeapPad, or watch Magic School Bus, or dinosaur documentaries, or choose one of a few other activities. And while these things he was certainly learning from, they were sort of always the same things. He wasn't venturing on his own to other things.
Though we were doing outside activities, it was just seeming that he was sort of "stuck".
Of course, at that time, everywhere you looked it is time for "Back to School". I started feeling dissatisfied with the way things were going. Like I wasn't doing a good job of exposing him, and us, to new and different learning possibilities.
I was also worrying a bit about math, as sometimes he gets numbers mixed up.
As I said, I've had my eyes on Cuisenaire Rods for quite some time, and finally decided to go buy them, and while there, picked up a couple other math treasures.
I've really enjoyed playing around with them. Building, stacking, counting, etc.
I started noticing immediately that Trev was enjoying the different things we were doing. I got out the magnetic board, and the letters, and we started practicing reading, also. Now while it's true that he doesn't initiate the reading practices, he certainly does not object to them. Almost always it's just a matter of "Do you wanna practice reading for a few minutes on the couch with me?"
While sometimes I do cajole a bit more... ie will you?, I back off if he is not interested. I know of course that this does not follow unschooling strictly, but as I said, currently I am experimenting.
He is truly blossoming right now. It is my intent to figure out how much is enough, and stimulating, and encouraging to him, and what is not. Of course, going too far with it is unacceptable. Even a bit too far is unacceptable to me. (The reason it's unacceptable, of course, is because I don't want to quash his love of learning, and make it something to be dreaded.)
What I mean is, it is my goal for him to blossom, and nothing else. It is not my goal to teach him to be able to sit still for an hour-and-a-half while doing lessons. It is not my intention to make him love, like, or even tolerate lectures. It is not my goal to teach him to focus. It is not my intent to make him into a desirable school student.
My motive is to keep my son's mind and desire to learn active. To provide tools for him that aid him in becoming himself, and the grandest version of himself.
Currently, our lives seem very full and rich. I am hopeful that I will continue to learn how to draw interesting things into our lives that facilitate our learning. For now, my ways seem to me a bit conventional, but as I am just starting to learn how to do it, I am hopeful that I will continue to grow in my methods.
Now about the cleaning thing.
I said on OLM that I've been trying to get Trev to clean his room. Now most people wouldn't even ask why this would be an important issue (they view it as the child's responsibility, something he must do "because I said so".) But to someone who subscribes to an organic learning way of life, it's a big deal. I've mentioned cleaning and chores a few times on this blog, so you probably know my feelings on the subject.
Add my desire to let everyone in my home be free to my need for neatness and organization, and you have a bit of a problem.
There are a couple of things I have problems with. First, when his room is a mess, he doesn't find as much enjoyment playing in there. I don't believe his quality of play is as good. He'll avoid his room, and watch television or something. Secondly, I find that he (our whole family does it, actually, which I find unacceptable) steps on things that have been left on the floor, or tosses things over his shoulder uncaringly, and I find that nonchalant behavior deplorable.
It's not intentional, it's out of total disregard. I have a need for my family to respect our home, it's members, and our possessions. Our things should not be viewed as the most important things in our lives, of course, but they are tools, and do provide us with enjoyment and entertainment (big smirky grin, and as far as I'm concerned, should be put in their proper place when not in use!).
The absolutely best way to handle it would be to voice my concerns and needs to my family, and then to ask for their help when I was feeling like I couldn't do it all on my own. The problem with that is, I would be cleaning for ten hours each and every day. And while I do find satisfaction in a clean house, there are also many other ways that I like to spend my time. And I don't want my son to think I never have fun, I only work, and I care more about a clean house than playing with him. Ultimately, I would just like everyone to pick up after themselves, and I'd do the actual cleaning. I can't quite seem to get into a perfect groove, where I can do it all. (play downstairs, clean house, work on the pc, change diapers, make breakfast, lunch, and dinner, have sit-down learning time, game time, make cookie time, etc.) sigh. I guess I'll keep trying!
My friend Rebecca, who also unschools, has a sort of standing rule in her house that old projects (not ongoing ones) need to be put away before new ones are started. I like this policy. There is also the Fly Lady's way of doing it, which is everyone cleans like mad for 15 minutes a day. That might be okay for some, but it would have to be an hour-and-a-half for me. I can't stand pretend cleaning, it doesn't seem clean to me unless the bathroom has been gone over with spray and a wet cloth, the living room has been entirely dusted, the kitchen is sanitary, and everything smells good and is shiny. There is also the whistle-blowing every two hours time-to-clean-up method. Don't think that would work for us. What would you do if you're in the middle of something? Cleaning up projects is a much more realistic way to do it for my family. I don't know why we're all in this habit of leaving things around when we're done with them. Wonder if we can be mended? hmmm. Think we'll try that for a while. It's certainly a preventative way to do things, which is usually a good thing...
Along this same line, I said on OLM that I was very impressed yesterday that Trev cleaned his entire room (crayons, marbles, little tiny toys, legos, books, everything), putting everything where it goes (different boxes and baskets) and then vaccuumed his room by himself. I was so impressed that I told him he could pick out a treat on our venture out yesterday.
Now, I didn't do this as a sort of bribe, or reward. It wasn't that I was so "thankful" that I felt a reward was in order.
But to see him do all of that sorting and cleaning all by himself was sort of a rite of passage, I thought. He did it without any input from me. He knew where everything went (ha! unlike his father, who still -after 16 years - doesn't put the dishes in the correct place!) and put them away all by himself. It was sort of grown up. Something inside him just kicked in gear, and he got the job done. I know it's probably semantics, but the treat was, for me, a celebration of a milestone, not a reward for cleaning.
I'll probably have a talk with him about it tonight when we get home.
I think that's it. I just wanted to write about some things that are going on with me and us, and the comment on the what's and why's.
I'll write again soon.
Stephanie
It's not that I find dissatisfaction, or incompleteness in unschooling. I'm just trying to find my way. For quite a while, I was just letting Trev roam at will, explore at will, and often he was very active. He'd get out his LeapPad, or watch Magic School Bus, or dinosaur documentaries, or choose one of a few other activities. And while these things he was certainly learning from, they were sort of always the same things. He wasn't venturing on his own to other things.
Though we were doing outside activities, it was just seeming that he was sort of "stuck".
Of course, at that time, everywhere you looked it is time for "Back to School". I started feeling dissatisfied with the way things were going. Like I wasn't doing a good job of exposing him, and us, to new and different learning possibilities.
I was also worrying a bit about math, as sometimes he gets numbers mixed up.
As I said, I've had my eyes on Cuisenaire Rods for quite some time, and finally decided to go buy them, and while there, picked up a couple other math treasures.
I've really enjoyed playing around with them. Building, stacking, counting, etc.
I started noticing immediately that Trev was enjoying the different things we were doing. I got out the magnetic board, and the letters, and we started practicing reading, also. Now while it's true that he doesn't initiate the reading practices, he certainly does not object to them. Almost always it's just a matter of "Do you wanna practice reading for a few minutes on the couch with me?"
While sometimes I do cajole a bit more... ie will you?, I back off if he is not interested. I know of course that this does not follow unschooling strictly, but as I said, currently I am experimenting.
He is truly blossoming right now. It is my intent to figure out how much is enough, and stimulating, and encouraging to him, and what is not. Of course, going too far with it is unacceptable. Even a bit too far is unacceptable to me. (The reason it's unacceptable, of course, is because I don't want to quash his love of learning, and make it something to be dreaded.)
What I mean is, it is my goal for him to blossom, and nothing else. It is not my goal to teach him to be able to sit still for an hour-and-a-half while doing lessons. It is not my intention to make him love, like, or even tolerate lectures. It is not my goal to teach him to focus. It is not my intent to make him into a desirable school student.
My motive is to keep my son's mind and desire to learn active. To provide tools for him that aid him in becoming himself, and the grandest version of himself.
Currently, our lives seem very full and rich. I am hopeful that I will continue to learn how to draw interesting things into our lives that facilitate our learning. For now, my ways seem to me a bit conventional, but as I am just starting to learn how to do it, I am hopeful that I will continue to grow in my methods.
Now about the cleaning thing.
I said on OLM that I've been trying to get Trev to clean his room. Now most people wouldn't even ask why this would be an important issue (they view it as the child's responsibility, something he must do "because I said so".) But to someone who subscribes to an organic learning way of life, it's a big deal. I've mentioned cleaning and chores a few times on this blog, so you probably know my feelings on the subject.
Add my desire to let everyone in my home be free to my need for neatness and organization, and you have a bit of a problem.
There are a couple of things I have problems with. First, when his room is a mess, he doesn't find as much enjoyment playing in there. I don't believe his quality of play is as good. He'll avoid his room, and watch television or something. Secondly, I find that he (our whole family does it, actually, which I find unacceptable) steps on things that have been left on the floor, or tosses things over his shoulder uncaringly, and I find that nonchalant behavior deplorable.
It's not intentional, it's out of total disregard. I have a need for my family to respect our home, it's members, and our possessions. Our things should not be viewed as the most important things in our lives, of course, but they are tools, and do provide us with enjoyment and entertainment (big smirky grin, and as far as I'm concerned, should be put in their proper place when not in use!).
The absolutely best way to handle it would be to voice my concerns and needs to my family, and then to ask for their help when I was feeling like I couldn't do it all on my own. The problem with that is, I would be cleaning for ten hours each and every day. And while I do find satisfaction in a clean house, there are also many other ways that I like to spend my time. And I don't want my son to think I never have fun, I only work, and I care more about a clean house than playing with him. Ultimately, I would just like everyone to pick up after themselves, and I'd do the actual cleaning. I can't quite seem to get into a perfect groove, where I can do it all. (play downstairs, clean house, work on the pc, change diapers, make breakfast, lunch, and dinner, have sit-down learning time, game time, make cookie time, etc.) sigh. I guess I'll keep trying!
My friend Rebecca, who also unschools, has a sort of standing rule in her house that old projects (not ongoing ones) need to be put away before new ones are started. I like this policy. There is also the Fly Lady's way of doing it, which is everyone cleans like mad for 15 minutes a day. That might be okay for some, but it would have to be an hour-and-a-half for me. I can't stand pretend cleaning, it doesn't seem clean to me unless the bathroom has been gone over with spray and a wet cloth, the living room has been entirely dusted, the kitchen is sanitary, and everything smells good and is shiny. There is also the whistle-blowing every two hours time-to-clean-up method. Don't think that would work for us. What would you do if you're in the middle of something? Cleaning up projects is a much more realistic way to do it for my family. I don't know why we're all in this habit of leaving things around when we're done with them. Wonder if we can be mended? hmmm. Think we'll try that for a while. It's certainly a preventative way to do things, which is usually a good thing...
Along this same line, I said on OLM that I was very impressed yesterday that Trev cleaned his entire room (crayons, marbles, little tiny toys, legos, books, everything), putting everything where it goes (different boxes and baskets) and then vaccuumed his room by himself. I was so impressed that I told him he could pick out a treat on our venture out yesterday.
Now, I didn't do this as a sort of bribe, or reward. It wasn't that I was so "thankful" that I felt a reward was in order.
But to see him do all of that sorting and cleaning all by himself was sort of a rite of passage, I thought. He did it without any input from me. He knew where everything went (ha! unlike his father, who still -after 16 years - doesn't put the dishes in the correct place!) and put them away all by himself. It was sort of grown up. Something inside him just kicked in gear, and he got the job done. I know it's probably semantics, but the treat was, for me, a celebration of a milestone, not a reward for cleaning.
I'll probably have a talk with him about it tonight when we get home.
I think that's it. I just wanted to write about some things that are going on with me and us, and the comment on the what's and why's.
I'll write again soon.
Stephanie
Monday, September 11, 2006
Starting School
It's been a long time since I've posted. But, I've been busy on the other one.
Let's see... Backyard Capers is up and running. It took up a while, but things are going smoothly for the moment.
Starting up the business and website took up huge amount of my time for a while. My house was neglected, along with my family. It made me feel bad about the way things were going. I felt like I was doing a really poor job of hsing. Even though we unschool, it's imperative to throw things out there, which I didn't really feel like I was doing.
Hearing and seeing "school starting" everywhere prompted me to get more organized in my home as well as with our time. Everyone is gathering curriculum, coops are forming, and families are getting ready to settle in for the fall and winter season.
It prompted me to get going, too.
On the other end of the spectrum, there were a couple of memorable events that happened lately. After a low point of feeling judged a bad mother, we went to Sam's barbecue a few days later.
There were several people there, hardly any of whom I knew. I pretty much kept to myself, and tended to my children. I didn't bring up hsing, or my children, or parenting, or anything. Trev is in love with Uncle Nate's Star Wars toys, and one of Sam's children brought them out for Trev to play with. We were just playing with them, and talking about them, just hanging out, and eating.
A while later, across the table was a discussion of nursing, and hospitals and universities, and a lady who runs a couple of daycares asked me if I had a child development degree. (choke sputter) "Me?!? No." "You're so good with kids, and you communicate so well with your son, talk with him so respectfully." "Oh. Well, I believe it's the right thing to do." Evidently one of the two also brought it up with Eric, I could hear him saying "Yeah, she knows what she's doing, reads... " ... I just heard a snippet. Later, he told me that was about me. Huh. Imagine that.
Then last week we were waiting in line at Penny's, we were buying fall clothes for Maddie and Trev, and Trev asked me what the "Line Forms Here" sign said, and we proceeded to sound out the words, l, i (which sometimes has the "I" sound, n, and so on. After we were done, the clerk said "Wow, you're so patient!"
Now I have been called a lot of things, and I don't think anyone has ever said that I am patient. Can you imagine? (I've always considered myself to be one of the most impatient persons on the planet.)
This did a couple of things for me. First, I of course discounted it. I didn't say it to her, but I thought, "It's not patience, it's what I do, we homeschool." and shrugged it off. But then I started thinking about it, and I thought, "Good grief. You have to have some semblance of patience to even want to homeschool, to practice it, to get through things without yelling at your children." Patience are also required for treating your children respectfully, and in guiding them gently each day.
So now I'm at this "Do you suppose it could be true?" place.
How would my life differ if I started viewing myself as gaining patience and tolerance? Surely it works the same as anything else. If you think or feel you are in lack of something, it of course manifests over and over again. Not only universally speaking, but if you are concentrating on things negative, you leave no room in your life for noticing the blessings. ie living in fear, coming from anger instead of love, always having a sense of lacking, etc.
Hmm.
So the last bit I've been keeping track of our hsing life on OLM, and have been loving it. It's why I started the blog in the first place; as unschoolers we don't keep records (ie grades and tests), so it's a great way for me to see how far we've come, and also lets family know what we're up to. On the down side, I had been feeling like all of our learning was from school stuff, and not living, and that was making me sort of sad. There is something so wonderful and exciting about learning so naturally. You have to really pay attention, and notice the magic.
And that's why I was sad, I think, my concentration was on recording and notice what more traditional "learning" we were doing, and not really noticing the "ordinary life magic". But then yesterday we had this great day, and I felt the scale shift into a more natural balance. It probably wasn't as bad as I made it out to be, and was probably really only a couple of days that there was a lack of magic, but it was still a worry. I love life learning! I love the exploration and learning. It's such a wondrous way to live your life each day.
Well, this post has been a hodge podge, and probably doesn't make any sense at all. The whole family is back here in the den as I have written this, hooping and hollering, chasing, wrestling with dogs, playing Homeward Bound, etc, so if I was able to put two words together well it will be a miracle.
For now I am going, and I shall write soon.
Much love, Steph
Let's see... Backyard Capers is up and running. It took up a while, but things are going smoothly for the moment.
Starting up the business and website took up huge amount of my time for a while. My house was neglected, along with my family. It made me feel bad about the way things were going. I felt like I was doing a really poor job of hsing. Even though we unschool, it's imperative to throw things out there, which I didn't really feel like I was doing.
Hearing and seeing "school starting" everywhere prompted me to get more organized in my home as well as with our time. Everyone is gathering curriculum, coops are forming, and families are getting ready to settle in for the fall and winter season.
It prompted me to get going, too.
On the other end of the spectrum, there were a couple of memorable events that happened lately. After a low point of feeling judged a bad mother, we went to Sam's barbecue a few days later.
There were several people there, hardly any of whom I knew. I pretty much kept to myself, and tended to my children. I didn't bring up hsing, or my children, or parenting, or anything. Trev is in love with Uncle Nate's Star Wars toys, and one of Sam's children brought them out for Trev to play with. We were just playing with them, and talking about them, just hanging out, and eating.
A while later, across the table was a discussion of nursing, and hospitals and universities, and a lady who runs a couple of daycares asked me if I had a child development degree. (choke sputter) "Me?!? No." "You're so good with kids, and you communicate so well with your son, talk with him so respectfully." "Oh. Well, I believe it's the right thing to do." Evidently one of the two also brought it up with Eric, I could hear him saying "Yeah, she knows what she's doing, reads... " ... I just heard a snippet. Later, he told me that was about me. Huh. Imagine that.
Then last week we were waiting in line at Penny's, we were buying fall clothes for Maddie and Trev, and Trev asked me what the "Line Forms Here" sign said, and we proceeded to sound out the words, l, i (which sometimes has the "I" sound, n, and so on. After we were done, the clerk said "Wow, you're so patient!"
Now I have been called a lot of things, and I don't think anyone has ever said that I am patient. Can you imagine? (I've always considered myself to be one of the most impatient persons on the planet.)
This did a couple of things for me. First, I of course discounted it. I didn't say it to her, but I thought, "It's not patience, it's what I do, we homeschool." and shrugged it off. But then I started thinking about it, and I thought, "Good grief. You have to have some semblance of patience to even want to homeschool, to practice it, to get through things without yelling at your children." Patience are also required for treating your children respectfully, and in guiding them gently each day.
So now I'm at this "Do you suppose it could be true?" place.
How would my life differ if I started viewing myself as gaining patience and tolerance? Surely it works the same as anything else. If you think or feel you are in lack of something, it of course manifests over and over again. Not only universally speaking, but if you are concentrating on things negative, you leave no room in your life for noticing the blessings. ie living in fear, coming from anger instead of love, always having a sense of lacking, etc.
Hmm.
So the last bit I've been keeping track of our hsing life on OLM, and have been loving it. It's why I started the blog in the first place; as unschoolers we don't keep records (ie grades and tests), so it's a great way for me to see how far we've come, and also lets family know what we're up to. On the down side, I had been feeling like all of our learning was from school stuff, and not living, and that was making me sort of sad. There is something so wonderful and exciting about learning so naturally. You have to really pay attention, and notice the magic.
And that's why I was sad, I think, my concentration was on recording and notice what more traditional "learning" we were doing, and not really noticing the "ordinary life magic". But then yesterday we had this great day, and I felt the scale shift into a more natural balance. It probably wasn't as bad as I made it out to be, and was probably really only a couple of days that there was a lack of magic, but it was still a worry. I love life learning! I love the exploration and learning. It's such a wondrous way to live your life each day.
Well, this post has been a hodge podge, and probably doesn't make any sense at all. The whole family is back here in the den as I have written this, hooping and hollering, chasing, wrestling with dogs, playing Homeward Bound, etc, so if I was able to put two words together well it will be a miracle.
For now I am going, and I shall write soon.
Much love, Steph
Friday, August 18, 2006
On "Work"
I just wanted to make myself clear on this subject.
Eric told me last night (after reading "Why Homeschool") something like "Sounds like my life!" And I said something like "All the more reason to want better for your children."
By saying so, I do not mean that I don't believe my children should have to work. Or that I think they should shirk their responsibilities.
As I've said before (many times) I believe in Natural Law. I believe you get out of life what you put into it. I believe the choices that you make today have a direct effect on what your life looks like tomorrow. This includes your prosperity, or lack of it, your environment, your thoughts, your physical health, your mental well-being, the state of your spirituality, and your emotions. (Not to mention that I think it goes further than the immediate environment, I believe what we think and how we act also has an effect on human consciousness, as a whole. Not a notable effect, maybe, but a 'kindness begets kindness' and in a 'hatred is destructive' sort of way.)
I believe that one's reality has to do with how one feels about his or her life.
If I can show my children (while they are young, and may not see it) how their decisions affect their lives, then maybe they will sooner accept the responsibility for that life.
My contribution to them also, then, is to help them to find joy in their decisions. Instead of feeling like they "have to", instill in them the knowledge that "I am doing this because it pleases me to do so." Because I like the reward. Be that reward satisfaction of a job well-done, a sparkling clean kitchen, a 450 engine that vrooms just right, seeing the piggy bank fill up with silver and bills, going on an extra-great fieldtrip, making someone else smile, or just knowing where every toy is - because it is in its right place.
I just think if they look at it as "a choice", and not as a "have to", their lives will be much happier, and fulfilling.
Course, they're free to be miserable and feel like they are martyrs, if that's what makes them happy. : )
Steph
Eric told me last night (after reading "Why Homeschool") something like "Sounds like my life!" And I said something like "All the more reason to want better for your children."
By saying so, I do not mean that I don't believe my children should have to work. Or that I think they should shirk their responsibilities.
As I've said before (many times) I believe in Natural Law. I believe you get out of life what you put into it. I believe the choices that you make today have a direct effect on what your life looks like tomorrow. This includes your prosperity, or lack of it, your environment, your thoughts, your physical health, your mental well-being, the state of your spirituality, and your emotions. (Not to mention that I think it goes further than the immediate environment, I believe what we think and how we act also has an effect on human consciousness, as a whole. Not a notable effect, maybe, but a 'kindness begets kindness' and in a 'hatred is destructive' sort of way.)
I believe that one's reality has to do with how one feels about his or her life.
If I can show my children (while they are young, and may not see it) how their decisions affect their lives, then maybe they will sooner accept the responsibility for that life.
My contribution to them also, then, is to help them to find joy in their decisions. Instead of feeling like they "have to", instill in them the knowledge that "I am doing this because it pleases me to do so." Because I like the reward. Be that reward satisfaction of a job well-done, a sparkling clean kitchen, a 450 engine that vrooms just right, seeing the piggy bank fill up with silver and bills, going on an extra-great fieldtrip, making someone else smile, or just knowing where every toy is - because it is in its right place.
I just think if they look at it as "a choice", and not as a "have to", their lives will be much happier, and fulfilling.
Course, they're free to be miserable and feel like they are martyrs, if that's what makes them happy. : )
Steph
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