I've been thinking on this subject some more.
(this post is related to "growth of the spirit".)
I don't know if I'm trying to justify hanging on to "who I am", as I may sometimes see it, or if I am truly exploring the subject. Maybe it's even alright to leave my judgments out of it, and just venture along... aimlessly... :)
On the one hand, I know that spirit has no agenda. Spirit has nothing to prove, sees nothing as antagonistic or offensive, and has no goal other than to just "Be". 0 On the other, as I said, I am visited/ran by the (my) ego. The part of me that's seperate, has things to accomplish in this life, wants to do the "right" thing, and even wants to "hurry up and master" the things I know I should.
Things holding be back:
A Need To Be Perfect. What do I mean by that, you veriest of the Brave Souls may ask? Oh, Stars, everything!0 From having a sublimely clean house at almost all moments (when in reality it is in hardly any moment) to spending at least an hour a day exercising my somewhat atrophied muscles, to having the guts and willingness to drop everything and to play "Kitchen Garfield" for three hours, meditating at least 20 minutes a couple of times a day, practicing yoga, being a fantastic, loving, accepting, nonjudging mother, saying and doing the things that I know are right all day every day, taking a walk a few blocks up the road to visit the ducks whenever Maddie requests it, keeping up on my chosen obligations (volunteer work for hsers), being able to inspire my children to fabulous heights when they're having a dull moment, and are looking for something to do (well, I'm always up for that), being kind and patient with my mother, strolling up the street to pick up a stray piece of garbage, reading online or from something inspirational like Conversations With God or Naomi's "Raising our Children" book, tending to my gardens, laughing with a friend, having all the drawers and my cupboards neat and tidy (and freshly wiped), the laundry folded and put away, diapers rinsed, windows washed, bills paid, and our truck clean and shiny (at least on the inside).
Some of these rank above others, of course. But I am speaking of my Perfect World. And one that I don't deem as unattainable, and (waving hand over head) out there, somewhere- but one which I see as "if I was doing it right, that's what it would be like". (shrug) I'm not sure why. Realistically, I know that no one (well, not too many) lives a perfect life. Everyone, even the heroes in my life, make mistakes, or have moments where they are not living their highest truth, or being the best that they can be - or want to be.
But Honest to God, it's not something I can accept from myself.
With everything that I Am, I know that there is a different way. In my early adulthood (20?) I read Richard Bach's Illusions. Which is tantamount to my version of perfection. Or... a requisite of this life, anyway. It was something that absolutely rang true with me. Indeed, I came to see such a way for myself.
So!
Living such a life is what the goal is. Not only the goal, but the desired every day subject matter.
It's not that I these things are imperative because they are pressed upon me by others, but that it's what I view as the "right thing" for myself. I honestly could not care less how others judge my life.
But there is a little matter of the viewing of the thing.... I belive (truly) that I can/could materialize a blue feather into my life within the next 24 hours. No doubt.
note from author later (april 19): I left this post as a draft in my box for week, and now I'm going to publish it, unended. This will, no doubt, be continued.
I publish it at all because these are things that are always relative to my life and in mind, and I'll be exploring such thoughts many, many times. -S
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
At Least You Kids Always Had Clean Faces!
This is something I've been contending with for a while, now.
One of my mother's favorites has always been the above saying, something like "We never had much money, but you were always tidy and had clean faces!", and something akin to (while wallking to church when we were kids) "Together! Get up here! We are not a bunch of heathens!"
Oh.
Actually, (grin) as it turns out... I am!
This is absolutely NOT an Anti-My-Mother post. Just - 'yet another observation'.
On the one hand, I'm anti-appearances. I have a slight or heavy disdain for society's opinion, depending on the moment. On the other, I often think "what would the Mama's (that I look up to and respect) do?"
In my defense to that extremely telling confession... it's not as if I am trying to be something that I don't believe in, or somthing that I'm not. It's that my desire To Be an ideal way for me has led me to an outstanding group of examples, and I take their counsel and example to heart. (shrug) Quite simply, I look up to them.
amusing-only-to-me sidenote: been back and forth in the kitchen to here for the last half hour or so, for some reason "How well do you know me?" came up, and I quizzed dh on my two favorite songs in succession as a child. "Delta Dawn" was one of his answers (indeed, my favorite with tamborine at age 2+) and then "Crocodile Rock" from about 6+. Woohoo Babe! Wow. Way to go! I can still sing both of these songs verbatum to this day. 'Course, most songs I can, I have a knack for song memorization! (a quirk of mine.) Anyway, back to the subject....
Where I had intended to go with this post, and have yet to do so, is that I cannot claim the same. As admitted (a little shame-facedly) in my last post, though while they bathe -they thoroughly enjoy baths almost every day- often times my children are sporting terribly dirty faces. In fact, a friend said something at our last Art & Craft Circle about "seems like Maddie always has a Dirty Face." sigh. "Well, Yes." It's true. She wasn't meaning to be unkind. She was just observing that she (Maddie) is forever eating markers, paints, mud, or freshly dyed easter eggs. But it reminded me that I had been thinking on this particular judgment for a while.
Love and devotion (excellent Mamahood) are judged by certain factors. Cleanliness, manners - quietness in church and sit-still ability in restaurants are all Tell Tale signs of a Good Mother. Tis a hard thing to admit -in vulnerable moments- that (sigh) mine probably don't have it. I can only imagine what would happen if I took them to a church (expecting them to sit still for two or three hours) or even in school, for that matter, and expected them to sit still for seven! Had I been planning all this time for them to be put into such a situtation, our lives would be very different, and no doubt they'd be prepared. BUT, the point is that I had not, as we do not, and therefore they are not! It's just not necessary. It doesn't register on our radar, it's not a part of who we are.
Just as some children in my community do not have a respect for earthworms or other living things, and smash bugs, (an atrocity to me) and think that animals have no feelings or spirit, and are raised to value obedience and rote learning above all else. It's just not the case with us.
I value listening to my child in a time of crisis above his quiet obedience in front of my neighbors. I value his explorations in my front yard in his underwear above his being out there (later, when the moment of magic has passed) only if he's fully presentable wearing non-holey jeans and matching socks. I value their inquiries. I value their irreverence. I value my toddling daughter's outrage and sass, and my son's shouts of "You're not treating me respectfully!" when he feels that his mother is not giving him his due to which he is absolutely entitled.
I suppose in some worlds things are valued diferently than in mine.
But that doesn't really matter to me. This is the world I choose, and I honestly believe the one that my children choose, also. I see it is my duty to follow my child's (individual) lead, and to give each the resources, love, and attention that they require.
(shrug) I love them. I want what's best for them. I'm willing to follow their lead. I trust that they are spiritually sound individuals, and indeed, it is already evident to me that they know what they are about. It's my job to cherish them, and use my greater experience to aid them when I see them faltering.
Having a dirty face just doesn't seem all that important.
One of my mother's favorites has always been the above saying, something like "We never had much money, but you were always tidy and had clean faces!", and something akin to (while wallking to church when we were kids) "Together! Get up here! We are not a bunch of heathens!"
Oh.
Actually, (grin) as it turns out... I am!
This is absolutely NOT an Anti-My-Mother post. Just - 'yet another observation'.
On the one hand, I'm anti-appearances. I have a slight or heavy disdain for society's opinion, depending on the moment. On the other, I often think "what would the Mama's (that I look up to and respect) do?"
In my defense to that extremely telling confession... it's not as if I am trying to be something that I don't believe in, or somthing that I'm not. It's that my desire To Be an ideal way for me has led me to an outstanding group of examples, and I take their counsel and example to heart. (shrug) Quite simply, I look up to them.
amusing-only-to-me sidenote: been back and forth in the kitchen to here for the last half hour or so, for some reason "How well do you know me?" came up, and I quizzed dh on my two favorite songs in succession as a child. "Delta Dawn" was one of his answers (indeed, my favorite with tamborine at age 2+) and then "Crocodile Rock" from about 6+. Woohoo Babe! Wow. Way to go! I can still sing both of these songs verbatum to this day. 'Course, most songs I can, I have a knack for song memorization! (a quirk of mine.) Anyway, back to the subject....
Where I had intended to go with this post, and have yet to do so, is that I cannot claim the same. As admitted (a little shame-facedly) in my last post, though while they bathe -they thoroughly enjoy baths almost every day- often times my children are sporting terribly dirty faces. In fact, a friend said something at our last Art & Craft Circle about "seems like Maddie always has a Dirty Face." sigh. "Well, Yes." It's true. She wasn't meaning to be unkind. She was just observing that she (Maddie) is forever eating markers, paints, mud, or freshly dyed easter eggs. But it reminded me that I had been thinking on this particular judgment for a while.
Love and devotion (excellent Mamahood) are judged by certain factors. Cleanliness, manners - quietness in church and sit-still ability in restaurants are all Tell Tale signs of a Good Mother. Tis a hard thing to admit -in vulnerable moments- that (sigh) mine probably don't have it. I can only imagine what would happen if I took them to a church (expecting them to sit still for two or three hours) or even in school, for that matter, and expected them to sit still for seven! Had I been planning all this time for them to be put into such a situtation, our lives would be very different, and no doubt they'd be prepared. BUT, the point is that I had not, as we do not, and therefore they are not! It's just not necessary. It doesn't register on our radar, it's not a part of who we are.
Just as some children in my community do not have a respect for earthworms or other living things, and smash bugs, (an atrocity to me) and think that animals have no feelings or spirit, and are raised to value obedience and rote learning above all else. It's just not the case with us.
I value listening to my child in a time of crisis above his quiet obedience in front of my neighbors. I value his explorations in my front yard in his underwear above his being out there (later, when the moment of magic has passed) only if he's fully presentable wearing non-holey jeans and matching socks. I value their inquiries. I value their irreverence. I value my toddling daughter's outrage and sass, and my son's shouts of "You're not treating me respectfully!" when he feels that his mother is not giving him his due to which he is absolutely entitled.
I suppose in some worlds things are valued diferently than in mine.
But that doesn't really matter to me. This is the world I choose, and I honestly believe the one that my children choose, also. I see it is my duty to follow my child's (individual) lead, and to give each the resources, love, and attention that they require.
(shrug) I love them. I want what's best for them. I'm willing to follow their lead. I trust that they are spiritually sound individuals, and indeed, it is already evident to me that they know what they are about. It's my job to cherish them, and use my greater experience to aid them when I see them faltering.
Having a dirty face just doesn't seem all that important.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Growth of the Spirit
Had this post rolling around in my head a couple of days ago, but since then pretty much forgot about it.
But today I was thinking about my life, and my love for it (see today's post for details) and decided to revisit this particular trail of thoughts.
Had a conversation with(ahem) a friend the other day, and right when I had an important point to make I totally lost What In Tarnation I wanted to say.
As it's been a couple of days, I've since remembered, and it was something along these particular lines...
I've said more than once in my life that you can see things at least two different ways (it's the big picture t0 which I am referring). You can see it (the universe, universal truth) as a giant globe with an infinite amount of tiny cracks and crevices - details, or you can just see it as simply a giant "one" sort of thing. Complete.
Intricate, if you wish.
Or Plain and Simple, if you wish.
The viewing of it doesn't change the whole, it only changes the perception of it.
I'm sort of coming into an understanding of myself - at least in moments- that I'm -at present- a "detail" sort of girl.
My home doesn't consist of sparse simplicity, but one of details. Most of my walls are painted with more than one color. I have many pictures decorating my walls. My decorating style is predominantly Victorian. Not a very "plain" style, admittedly. I like the "storybook cottage" sort of look.
I like details. I like romance. Pictures of mama's blowing bubbles for babies. Children being mauled by a litter of kittens. The sound of a little boys laughter while being tumbled by puppies. My gardens are cottage style. No neat and tidy rows of tomatoes and green beans. Tomatoes next to basil, mixed in with foxgloves with a backdrop of hollyhocks. Filled with all the things I love. Beauty above practicality.
This observation of my self is not new to me, but it was lately brought on by my friend (alright, it's Melissia)'s post. She wrote about being Opinionated vs. being Authentic. While I am not challenged by her thoughts (defensive), as a friend of hers, I am intrigued by her thoughts, and I relate her experiences and stories to my own life.
That's the great thing about having friends, they challenge your thinking and judgments unrepentantly, and spur you to expand your own thinking and introspection.
All in the name of personal -or spirtitual- growth.
Sidenote: I learned today on Saturday -er, Sunday morning cartoons What the most vocalized/common word in the English language is. I was thinking "the", or "a". No, indeed. It is "I".
Hmm.
Probably a more revised and edited version of this post to come. I'm presently in the middle of making Chocolate Chip Cookies with the babes.
G'night.
note later by author: I may have given the impression that I disagreed with Melissia's beautiful and serene observation. Not so. I know her words to be truth, indeed, the spirit has no ego and nothing to prove. I was only questioning my own need to hang onto certain things in my life, and then coming to the conclusion that for now, such things are a big part of Who I Am, and that I'm alright with that.
Much thanks to her for getting me thinking about self acceptance.
Stephanie
But today I was thinking about my life, and my love for it (see today's post for details) and decided to revisit this particular trail of thoughts.
Had a conversation with
As it's been a couple of days, I've since remembered, and it was something along these particular lines...
I've said more than once in my life that you can see things at least two different ways (it's the big picture t0 which I am referring). You can see it (the universe, universal truth) as a giant globe with an infinite amount of tiny cracks and crevices - details, or you can just see it as simply a giant "one" sort of thing. Complete.
Intricate, if you wish.
Or Plain and Simple, if you wish.
The viewing of it doesn't change the whole, it only changes the perception of it.
I'm sort of coming into an understanding of myself - at least in moments- that I'm -at present- a "detail" sort of girl.
My home doesn't consist of sparse simplicity, but one of details. Most of my walls are painted with more than one color. I have many pictures decorating my walls. My decorating style is predominantly Victorian. Not a very "plain" style, admittedly. I like the "storybook cottage" sort of look.
I like details. I like romance. Pictures of mama's blowing bubbles for babies. Children being mauled by a litter of kittens. The sound of a little boys laughter while being tumbled by puppies. My gardens are cottage style. No neat and tidy rows of tomatoes and green beans. Tomatoes next to basil, mixed in with foxgloves with a backdrop of hollyhocks. Filled with all the things I love. Beauty above practicality.
This observation of my self is not new to me, but it was lately brought on by my friend (alright, it's Melissia)'s post. She wrote about being Opinionated vs. being Authentic. While I am not challenged by her thoughts (defensive), as a friend of hers, I am intrigued by her thoughts, and I relate her experiences and stories to my own life.
That's the great thing about having friends, they challenge your thinking and judgments unrepentantly, and spur you to expand your own thinking and introspection.
All in the name of personal -or spirtitual- growth.
Sidenote: I learned today on Saturday -er, Sunday morning cartoons What the most vocalized/common word in the English language is. I was thinking "the", or "a". No, indeed. It is "I".
Hmm.
Probably a more revised and edited version of this post to come. I'm presently in the middle of making Chocolate Chip Cookies with the babes.
G'night.
note later by author: I may have given the impression that I disagreed with Melissia's beautiful and serene observation. Not so. I know her words to be truth, indeed, the spirit has no ego and nothing to prove. I was only questioning my own need to hang onto certain things in my life, and then coming to the conclusion that for now, such things are a big part of Who I Am, and that I'm alright with that.
Much thanks to her for getting me thinking about self acceptance.
Stephanie
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Kudos To Mama!
Not me, but mine.
Hooray for mine for saying "All my girls homeschool!" Proudly!, instead of shamefully. Different methods and ways, but equally important and beneficial, in her eyes.
Love to you, Mom,
Steph
Hooray for mine for saying "All my girls homeschool!" Proudly!, instead of shamefully. Different methods and ways, but equally important and beneficial, in her eyes.
Love to you, Mom,
Steph
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Evolution Part IV
This post is going to be about a few thoughts rolling around in my head. I think. (I never really know where I'm going when I sit down.)
I've been having mixed emotions about the events of last weekend, ie the events that led up to my comments on Rebellion.
The feelings that were dredged up were strange for me. Not strange, as in unfamiliar, but strange, as they no longer belong to me, really. They are a part of my past, yes, but especially in the last few months, as I have been building stronger friendships with my RU Mama's, as I think of them, I've not had any real resentment for my community at large, or its judgments. As I come to be closer to others in a community of people I respect, there are less thoughts or considerations for those that I just don't associate with.
Which I've always really believed in - that everyone creates his or her own world. I've always lived in a grand, magical place. Sometimes boogymen sneak in when I'm not paying attention, but they're usually dispatched fairly quickly. (I think Those Damned Rebels was part of that dispatching process.)
***
So I've been beating myself up and lamenting that I cannot just be this sublime being who is able to walk on water, materialize things by just opening my hand, enter a state of absolute peace just by knowing that it's possible, and having the ability to quiet any disturbances in a room simply by entering it.
And then I hear my own words (while writing my last blog entry) about until I am ready to let go of the ego, and my individuality, I'm just not ready to be God.
That's always been the issue. I don't think I'm the greatest, or even terribly interesting, fascinating, or wise, or intelligent. But, for some reason, I like me. Isn't that odd? And probably very sad, but let's not drag that in just yet. (I don't mean I'm unlikable, I mean it's really unenlightened that I'm so attached to who I am. Something sort of smirking about that.)
I've actually had this concrete thought for several years, now. That while making ourselves one with The All, - Peace, Love, Completion, we willingly lose ourselves to it.
There is something here that's a bit scary for me... I don't think it's quite that I'll lose myself, and that I'll cease to exist, really, but maybe I do. Maybe (I'm staring out the window as I type this) I've not yet experienced that Greatness enough to be comfortable enough to let it (me) go.
This thought makes me feel so juvenile, and shallow. Makes me feel like I'm a teen-ager who has stolen a car, knowing he's wrong, but wants... Madly... to go on a joy ride. How ridiculous is that? Makes me think I'm a lot less far down the road than I had imagined myself to be, I'll tell you that!
Gonna think about this some more.
Hmmph.
I've been having mixed emotions about the events of last weekend, ie the events that led up to my comments on Rebellion.
The feelings that were dredged up were strange for me. Not strange, as in unfamiliar, but strange, as they no longer belong to me, really. They are a part of my past, yes, but especially in the last few months, as I have been building stronger friendships with my RU Mama's, as I think of them, I've not had any real resentment for my community at large, or its judgments. As I come to be closer to others in a community of people I respect, there are less thoughts or considerations for those that I just don't associate with.
Which I've always really believed in - that everyone creates his or her own world. I've always lived in a grand, magical place. Sometimes boogymen sneak in when I'm not paying attention, but they're usually dispatched fairly quickly. (I think Those Damned Rebels was part of that dispatching process.)
***
So I've been beating myself up and lamenting that I cannot just be this sublime being who is able to walk on water, materialize things by just opening my hand, enter a state of absolute peace just by knowing that it's possible, and having the ability to quiet any disturbances in a room simply by entering it.
And then I hear my own words (while writing my last blog entry) about until I am ready to let go of the ego, and my individuality, I'm just not ready to be God.
That's always been the issue. I don't think I'm the greatest, or even terribly interesting, fascinating, or wise, or intelligent. But, for some reason, I like me. Isn't that odd? And probably very sad, but let's not drag that in just yet. (I don't mean I'm unlikable, I mean it's really unenlightened that I'm so attached to who I am. Something sort of smirking about that.)
I've actually had this concrete thought for several years, now. That while making ourselves one with The All, - Peace, Love, Completion, we willingly lose ourselves to it.
There is something here that's a bit scary for me... I don't think it's quite that I'll lose myself, and that I'll cease to exist, really, but maybe I do. Maybe (I'm staring out the window as I type this) I've not yet experienced that Greatness enough to be comfortable enough to let it (me) go.
This thought makes me feel so juvenile, and shallow. Makes me feel like I'm a teen-ager who has stolen a car, knowing he's wrong, but wants... Madly... to go on a joy ride. How ridiculous is that? Makes me think I'm a lot less far down the road than I had imagined myself to be, I'll tell you that!
Gonna think about this some more.
Hmmph.
Those Damned Rebels - Final Thoughts
Although I wanted to explore this subject that has recently been on my mind, as I said, I know that I came across as really harsh and judging.
Sort of in attack and defense mode.
I've been revisiting old opinions and old thoughts, reliving certain moments of my life.
I usually don't live with such disdainful thoughts and actions.
I read a quote today by Adolph Hitler that said "Those who want to live, let them fight, and those who do not want to fight in this world of eternal struggle do not deserve to live."
What a way of viewing the world. How sad that one would never know any happiness or peace, and instead have to struggle in fear and anger for every moment of contentment.
I imagine that I might have given the impression in my recent posts that I believe dissention and rebellion is key to one's happiness.
I'm sorry for implying that.
I was trying to say that I think it imperative for each person to discover Truth for themselves. An honest discovery. By exploring, examining, measuring, questioning, and doubting what they've been told. Not just accepting what you've been born into. Sometimes the doing of it appears to be rebelliousness.
I'm pretty sure this is what everyone means when they talk of finding yourself. Personally, I've never had a huge life-altering moment, (think Talking Heads ..."same as it ever was....same as it ever was....
And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right?...Am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself
MY GOD!...WHAT HAVE I DONE? ", but I've been on a path of self discovery since about 14, I think. (I'm now 38.)
Maybe now I'm just trying to justify all of the parts of myself. My rebelliousness. My emotionalism. Cantankerous. Bratty. Egocentric. Proud, sometimes. Smug, sometimes. Caring. Worried.
Irreverant. Serious. Sarcastic. Optimistic. Pessimistic. Generous. Selfish. Wise and ridiculous.
To what end I make this examination, I don't know.
Maybe this aspect of who I am should just be examined, explained, and celebrated from time to time.
As crazy at is seems, maybe I'm living my best life (representing who I am) by experiencing Beastly as well as Sublime.
Well, it's not in line with the Perfect End, which will be only Love, of course, but until I'm ready to let go of the ego, and my individuality, maybe these parts of me should just be celebrated and enjoyed.
Sort of in attack and defense mode.
I've been revisiting old opinions and old thoughts, reliving certain moments of my life.
I usually don't live with such disdainful thoughts and actions.
I read a quote today by Adolph Hitler that said "Those who want to live, let them fight, and those who do not want to fight in this world of eternal struggle do not deserve to live."
What a way of viewing the world. How sad that one would never know any happiness or peace, and instead have to struggle in fear and anger for every moment of contentment.
I imagine that I might have given the impression in my recent posts that I believe dissention and rebellion is key to one's happiness.
I'm sorry for implying that.
I was trying to say that I think it imperative for each person to discover Truth for themselves. An honest discovery. By exploring, examining, measuring, questioning, and doubting what they've been told. Not just accepting what you've been born into. Sometimes the doing of it appears to be rebelliousness.
I'm pretty sure this is what everyone means when they talk of finding yourself. Personally, I've never had a huge life-altering moment, (think Talking Heads ..."same as it ever was....same as it ever was....
And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right?...Am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself
MY GOD!...WHAT HAVE I DONE? ", but I've been on a path of self discovery since about 14, I think. (I'm now 38.)
Maybe now I'm just trying to justify all of the parts of myself. My rebelliousness. My emotionalism. Cantankerous. Bratty. Egocentric. Proud, sometimes. Smug, sometimes. Caring. Worried.
Irreverant. Serious. Sarcastic. Optimistic. Pessimistic. Generous. Selfish. Wise and ridiculous.
To what end I make this examination, I don't know.
Maybe this aspect of who I am should just be examined, explained, and celebrated from time to time.
As crazy at is seems, maybe I'm living my best life (representing who I am) by experiencing Beastly as well as Sublime.
Well, it's not in line with the Perfect End, which will be only Love, of course, but until I'm ready to let go of the ego, and my individuality, maybe these parts of me should just be celebrated and enjoyed.
Monday, April 02, 2007
Those Damned Rebels! Part II - Defense of the Sheep
I thought it would be longer before I continued this post, but it's been on my mind, and I didn't really like leaving it on such a judgmental note.
So off I go....
Sheep seems a really unkind way to express it. It implies unintelligence, not thinking, and living life the way everyone else does, following your neighbor's lead, if not following society's.
But I get so drained when I hear people just repeat opinions that they've heard. Church leaders, politicians, neighbors, whatever they heard on the news, etc.
To my mind, you cannot respectably fit into the role of Follower (complacent and content) until you have at least a few times tried on the role of Leader. Or better yet, that of the Rebel.
If you're the first to think a thought, and act upon it, simply because you feel it, way inside, because you know it's the right thing to do for you, and couldn't care less who disapproves of it - your extended family, the neighborhood gossip, your playgroup parents, the lady who cuts your hair.... then you've come into your own Truth. It's simply a matter of taking something you've heard, or been taught, and really examined it. Take it out and look at it, and see if the Truth is really your own. Why does it make sense? What about it doesn't? Is it freeing? Is it constraining? Does it make you fly? Does it make you feel shame? Do you not doubt it at all? If not, why not? Does it make you feel totally at peace?
Even if it's something you already thought you believed, and after examination you realize "Yes, I really do believe that!" or I know, or I Feel, or I Am. The knowing of it after rethinking and being open minded will make you stand taller and stronger. And be in peace.
Besides of comprising 90% of our society (maybe it's not that high), followers have a place in our society as Worker Bees. They're perfectly happy (seemingly) to pick up the garbage after the parade. Which I think is alright, as I said, if you've done the self examination and determined that's where your truth lies. But not if it's becasue you don't have the guts to live your life any other way! It's not hard to stand up to society. And the more you do it, the taller and stronger you get.
Where I think I am possibly Perfectly Wrong in all of this thinking is that though I scoff at the idea of there being "Security in Numbers", in a spiritual sense it almost makes sense. What I mean is - provided you accept the ultimate truth of "We Are All One", then being a member of the flock will bring you into the bosom a little more, where you might find a firmer sense of brotherhood. I've a long way to go on this one. Though I accept it as Truth, it's not something I experience, or know intimately. I feel connected with God (Goddess, The Source, Allah, you choose), and feel one with Her, but currently I feel pretty disconnected from my fellow man in general. So I've got work to do.
On the other hand, I don't believe in any religion, or believe that the purpose of life is to get here, follow the rules, make the sacrifices, and if you Suffer Greatly, then you'll receive your rewards in Heaven.
I believe in a non-judging, non-condemning God.
I believe (know) that the purpose of life is to (yet again) "Live the Grandest Version of the Grandest Vision you ever had for Yourself." (Neale Donald Walsch)
I believe God knows and experiences itself through us. (joyfully and completely)
And if we make it mandatory to limit that experience, then it's not going to be a very exciting and enlightening ride. I believe the Universe - Energy - God - is comprised of all of it. Accepting it all, not judging. Just Being.
Ultimately I think the goal is to experience a sense of brotherhood, but I really think it's an essential step to stand alone before quietly stepping into somewhere of the middle of the line.
So off I go....
Sheep seems a really unkind way to express it. It implies unintelligence, not thinking, and living life the way everyone else does, following your neighbor's lead, if not following society's.
But I get so drained when I hear people just repeat opinions that they've heard. Church leaders, politicians, neighbors, whatever they heard on the news, etc.
To my mind, you cannot respectably fit into the role of Follower (complacent and content) until you have at least a few times tried on the role of Leader. Or better yet, that of the Rebel.
If you're the first to think a thought, and act upon it, simply because you feel it, way inside, because you know it's the right thing to do for you, and couldn't care less who disapproves of it - your extended family, the neighborhood gossip, your playgroup parents, the lady who cuts your hair.... then you've come into your own Truth. It's simply a matter of taking something you've heard, or been taught, and really examined it. Take it out and look at it, and see if the Truth is really your own. Why does it make sense? What about it doesn't? Is it freeing? Is it constraining? Does it make you fly? Does it make you feel shame? Do you not doubt it at all? If not, why not? Does it make you feel totally at peace?
Even if it's something you already thought you believed, and after examination you realize "Yes, I really do believe that!" or I know, or I Feel, or I Am. The knowing of it after rethinking and being open minded will make you stand taller and stronger. And be in peace.
Besides of comprising 90% of our society (maybe it's not that high), followers have a place in our society as Worker Bees. They're perfectly happy (seemingly) to pick up the garbage after the parade. Which I think is alright, as I said, if you've done the self examination and determined that's where your truth lies. But not if it's becasue you don't have the guts to live your life any other way! It's not hard to stand up to society. And the more you do it, the taller and stronger you get.
Where I think I am possibly Perfectly Wrong in all of this thinking is that though I scoff at the idea of there being "Security in Numbers", in a spiritual sense it almost makes sense. What I mean is - provided you accept the ultimate truth of "We Are All One", then being a member of the flock will bring you into the bosom a little more, where you might find a firmer sense of brotherhood. I've a long way to go on this one. Though I accept it as Truth, it's not something I experience, or know intimately. I feel connected with God (Goddess, The Source, Allah, you choose), and feel one with Her, but currently I feel pretty disconnected from my fellow man in general. So I've got work to do.
On the other hand, I don't believe in any religion, or believe that the purpose of life is to get here, follow the rules, make the sacrifices, and if you Suffer Greatly, then you'll receive your rewards in Heaven.
I believe in a non-judging, non-condemning God.
I believe (know) that the purpose of life is to (yet again) "Live the Grandest Version of the Grandest Vision you ever had for Yourself." (Neale Donald Walsch)
I believe God knows and experiences itself through us. (joyfully and completely)
And if we make it mandatory to limit that experience, then it's not going to be a very exciting and enlightening ride. I believe the Universe - Energy - God - is comprised of all of it. Accepting it all, not judging. Just Being.
Ultimately I think the goal is to experience a sense of brotherhood, but I really think it's an essential step to stand alone before quietly stepping into somewhere of the middle of the line.
Those Damned Rebels! Part I - The Judgment
I'd like to start off this post by a quote, handed over very recently by my friend Julie. I raise my glass in a toast....
" Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round heads in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status-quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. But the only things you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do." - "Think Different" Advertisement - Apple Computers.
It's come up in my community recently (and even before that I meant to address this particular topic) that rebels are a Bad, Bad Thing.
As a young child I was always friendly, polite, easy-going, and generally agreeable. That wasn't really because I was out to impress anyone, though it was pleasant enough to hear that I was a sweet kid, but I just wasn't a 'beat my chest in anguish' sort of girl.
Later, at about 14, that started to change. Not that I had something to fight against, but rather that I had something to say. At fifteen I started sporting a mohawk. Colored a tail I had in front. Pink, blue, green, whatever suited me. Shaved my head in back and on the sides - patterns, bald, -again, whatever. Hung out with Punks. Not punks, as in slang, but real Punks... safety pins in their ears, slashed jeans, mohawks, punk music, Honest to God Punk Rockers. I Wanna Be... Anarchy. Yeah.
I figured the 60's had the hippies to get society's attention, the early-mid eighties had punk rock. (well, at that time it was early-mid eighties. Punk had been around for quite some time by then, but was now really picking up speed.)
It wasn't a pretense... I was one of them.
I wrote poetry about anti-establishment, "down with picket fences" :) (ha!), and conformity.
I was called names in school, heard a million times (even in Dairy Queens in the Mall) "Did you stick your finger in a light socket? Ha, ha, ha!", and a few unimaginitive variations of the same.
My favorite (honestly... it was at least original) was a cowboy in my Junior year History class asking me if I had had brain surgery. That made me laugh. It was a really open class, and remarkably we had a pretty good respect for eachother. (we were, after all, both totally Anti Preppies! :) )
Which brings me to my point.
I've never been interested in Fitting In with mainstream society. I've disdained it for most of my life. Still do, as a matter of fact.
It just really bothers me when people's main desire in life is simply to Blend In, and to Not Make Waves. To go along with what others tell them. For this to me is perhaps the ultimate sin, which is to not think for yourself.
I view life's purpose as finding your own truth. I pretty much scorn sheeplehood, though I know it's unkind. I don't repect it. I don't respect mindless obedience. I think it's easy, unconsidered, a cop-out, familiar, and too comfortable.
Though I do notice that without the yuppies, the preppies, the squares, and the same-olds, the Non-Conformists and the Rebels and the Eccentrics and the Heroes just wouldn't be the sparkly and fascinating creatures that they are. So I suppose they have their place, for without the experience of the Follower, we would't have the arresting inquiries from the Seeker.
And on that note, I'll continue next time in Defense of the Sheep, I s'pose. Though I'll call it Part II, of course.
" Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round heads in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status-quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. But the only things you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do." - "Think Different" Advertisement - Apple Computers.
It's come up in my community recently (and even before that I meant to address this particular topic) that rebels are a Bad, Bad Thing.
As a young child I was always friendly, polite, easy-going, and generally agreeable. That wasn't really because I was out to impress anyone, though it was pleasant enough to hear that I was a sweet kid, but I just wasn't a 'beat my chest in anguish' sort of girl.
Later, at about 14, that started to change. Not that I had something to fight against, but rather that I had something to say. At fifteen I started sporting a mohawk. Colored a tail I had in front. Pink, blue, green, whatever suited me. Shaved my head in back and on the sides - patterns, bald, -again, whatever. Hung out with Punks. Not punks, as in slang, but real Punks... safety pins in their ears, slashed jeans, mohawks, punk music, Honest to God Punk Rockers. I Wanna Be... Anarchy. Yeah.
I figured the 60's had the hippies to get society's attention, the early-mid eighties had punk rock. (well, at that time it was early-mid eighties. Punk had been around for quite some time by then, but was now really picking up speed.)
It wasn't a pretense... I was one of them.
I wrote poetry about anti-establishment, "down with picket fences" :) (ha!), and conformity.
I was called names in school, heard a million times (even in Dairy Queens in the Mall) "Did you stick your finger in a light socket? Ha, ha, ha!", and a few unimaginitive variations of the same.
My favorite (honestly... it was at least original) was a cowboy in my Junior year History class asking me if I had had brain surgery. That made me laugh. It was a really open class, and remarkably we had a pretty good respect for eachother. (we were, after all, both totally Anti Preppies! :) )
Which brings me to my point.
I've never been interested in Fitting In with mainstream society. I've disdained it for most of my life. Still do, as a matter of fact.
It just really bothers me when people's main desire in life is simply to Blend In, and to Not Make Waves. To go along with what others tell them. For this to me is perhaps the ultimate sin, which is to not think for yourself.
I view life's purpose as finding your own truth. I pretty much scorn sheeplehood, though I know it's unkind. I don't repect it. I don't respect mindless obedience. I think it's easy, unconsidered, a cop-out, familiar, and too comfortable.
Though I do notice that without the yuppies, the preppies, the squares, and the same-olds, the Non-Conformists and the Rebels and the Eccentrics and the Heroes just wouldn't be the sparkly and fascinating creatures that they are. So I suppose they have their place, for without the experience of the Follower, we would't have the arresting inquiries from the Seeker.
And on that note, I'll continue next time in Defense of the Sheep, I s'pose. Though I'll call it Part II, of course.
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