So my question was - would God ever purchase a new car?
This is an impossible question, of course. It twisted my brain.
But after I dropped a drink on my laptop - on the Very Same Day that I had gotten it back via air-mail from the Dell repair center now with a new keyboard and system board (for pretty much the same thing) and considering I had been talking to a friend about Shit Happens, and whether or not that's true, just an hour before - I had to ask myself - "Why?" for the hundredth or so time in the last few months.
So I started going off on a little impossible tangent. (grin) Asking myself the really tough questions.
If God lived in a house, I supposed, would He ever have to replace His furnace?
Do things Just Happen?
If God wasn't paying attention, would Her car break down? (Course, God could fix it as soon as it happened, but still...) Do machines have their own minds? Well, not minds, of course, but... momentum, maybe....
The absurd questions went on and on through my head.
Somewhere along the trail I got into a different space - a place that asked not Why this? but one of What now? Not a "what the hell is next?" kind of thought, but in a "how do I feel about this?" sort of way.
I think I've come to the conclusion that while I very well may have brought these occurrences to myself (of course I did, if not me, then who?)- I'm not so sure the Why? (are these specific things happening) matters anymore.
Somehow I believe I've managed to let it go. I am considering that the answer to Why? might just be because you need to change your mind about your reality.
And - You are judging these things as "bad", as you are judging a great many things as "Bad" right now in your life - and We (the tree stumps and "ahems" and taps to the shoulder - in the name of God and spiritual evolution) are trying to get you to Change Your Mind, and to Change Your Perception of Reality.
The whole thing goes way beyond the second full drink being spilled into a delicate and expensive piece of electrical equipment.
Mostly it's about me judging Me.
About I deserve this.
About having a fatalistic attitude because I'm not measuring up. Being angry at myself because I am not entirely the person I'd like to be. (shrug) Which means perfect.
Such an attitude also spills over into my judgments of my children and their actions though I've been pretty good about that, lately. Well, mostly.
A new email/yahoo group was started in my area for secular homeschoolers.
Someone whom I have not met said something about "I don't want to be judged."
I wrote back a bit about myself and my family, and said "I will consider it a Grand Accomplishment if upon my deathbed I can say that I judge no one or no thing in this world and find it lacking (ie judge it as 'bad' or 'wrong')."
Then I really started thinking about it, and I thought "Well, that's a hell of an accomplishment."
Indeed, should I manage it in this life, I believe it shall be one of my greatest ones.
Melissia (she shrinks when I mention her name, but I feel like I'm being elusive when I don't mention specifics) and I were talking yesterday, and at the end of our conversation I said something about pretty much disdaining religion.
I have a hard time with accepting something that someone else lays out for you; for the most part I think folks should do the hard work themselves, and find the answers within.
Then she said something about how she didn't think that most religious people are unaccepting of others' truths, or others' ways, or blindly accepting of their religion's teachings.
In my head, I vehemently objected to this observation, as I haven't found that to be my experience at all.
I feel like most religious folks believe they are the only bearers of the Keys to Heaven.
That they know the only Truth, and therefore all others' ways are false.
That bothers me.
It bothers me equally as much that often times I believe that I know better than most, too.
More often than not, though, lately, I've found more similarities than differences in the Pursuit of Spiritual Evolution. Maybe that's a good beginning.
Most folks want a greater communion with God. Or the All. Alla, Buddha, Krishna, etc.
Most folks want to be true to their hearts.
Most folks want peace in their spirit.
So after I told Melissia of my disdain, I started wondering if it were true. Do I really believe that religious folks are mindless?
And unaccepting of all others ways?
What is it exactly that I object so strongly to?
Judgment, of course.
It's one of those crazy twisty "I detest intolerant people" feelings. Makes no sense at all.
But maybe I can find peace in the commonalities. Maybe I can get past the verbiage to the intent behind the words, and find brotherhood.
These are all parts of my quest.
To wholly, fully, completely, gently, lovingly, and unconditionally accept my children for Who They Are.
To accept the souls around me (in the world at large) for Who They Are.
To embrace the events that I most assuredly bring into my life for What They Are (and to remember it's not the events themselves that are "bad", but how I judge the events).
My life (experience) comes from how and what I think about a thing.
I believe I'm being led toward If you don't like where you are, or where you are headed, then Change Your Mind.
Change your mind.
Change your thoughts.
Change your heart.
Change your Self.
And remember that you have an eternity to do it.