a letter

Thank You.
Thank You.

Thank You.

gratitude in june

i am thankful to know

that things that seem

too impossibly beautiful

too be believed

...

are not

 

in deed

impossible.

gratitude - filled up

gratitude : day four

(I skipped a day - I totally forgot on Monday.)

Tuesday found me sooo grateful for this puttering spot.
The day had some irritating things in it, and we found ourselves adrift and disappointed out in the world, and finally came home to console ourselves.

I did that here.
I so love this tiny corner.  It's no bigger than a small room - a little bigger than ten feet square.

 
It's on the north side of my bedroom.  Ivy grows up the wall.  There is a chair sitting under a lilac bush.  Our fully-grown pear tree hangs over the spot, always sheltering from the heat of the midday sun.
I have lemonbalm planted right next to the chair.  Lavender was planted near here last year, too.  There are plants and herbs on the outside of the path - green and white are the only things I've invited.
The earth is soft and rich in this space.
The water trickles or tumbles, depending upon the need of the moment. 
There is a cauldron close at hand should I need a tiny fire for something.

It is quiet
and nourishing,
peaceful,
and Still.

A small bit of paradise, to me.
Gratitude.

gratitude day three: sweetness.

Today I am so, so grateful that my Sunday morning began in the soft and quiet.

I got to just stand around in my backyard - mostly feeling the still, and listening to the birds singing.  I'm certain they were singing extra sweetly just for me.

In my wander I discovered another sweetness - a tiny rolled phlox flower - wound today, but ready to rise and burst tomorrow.

In these things I found comfort in the beauty and the plain living.
In these things were the reminder that Life (being living and love) is enough.
That there is no need to hurry -- to hurry the process.  To hurry the excitement.  To hurry the living.

Life explodes sometimes, it's true, and I wouldn't have it any other way -  I love those days!

But I am so thankful that I am comfortable enough with this life - and this skin - that I also embrace the still, and the soft, and know that there is nothing to fear...
and nothing to be proved.

Certainly, being in Peace is a fine thing for which to be grateful.

gratitude day two : even still

It's my turn (and Trevy's) to have the flus, I guess.

So, so grateful for a sparkling clean bathroom,
and an entire day of fifty-something-degree breezes blowing in and throughout.

a thousand days of happiness

When I was in my twenties (long before I had babies), and Eric and I were working to survive, as so many young couples are wont to do, I was asked quite often what I wanted to do or be -- presumably when I grew up.

My answer was always the same - and so, so heart-felt.

"I want to chase frogs in the creek with my son.
"I want to take art classes on Wednesday nights.
"I want to sit on the porch sipping lemonade while watching my lace curtains blowing in the breeze."

I am sure to a very many people, there is much lacking in such dreams!

But the funny thing is that those very things so define my life.

I play with my babies. 
I explore and create and express my Self in a thousand different ways.
I sit in bliss while gazing and dreaming.

It sounds so simple - and maybe it is.  I cannot imagine any life being more fulfilling or happy or rich than this beautiful one of mine.

And so.
This post begins a month of gratitude.
And beauty.
And happiness.

Because I am so very grateful.

gratitude: all filled up

You'd think that since I write daily for OLM, that writing here wouldn't be difficult, wouldn't you? Especially because I'm a Mama that loves to get inside her own head for at least a little while every day.

This morning (pre babes waking) I am grateful for the thoughts and ideas and happiness that are filling me up!

We've had adventures away from home the last two days, and have a park date with friends planned for tomorrow, and have a date on Saturday with Grandma and African Drums...
So today is all about home and the things I've been pondering.

My head is filled with ideas of sugar cookies - heart-shaped cookies with pink frosting and redhots
and walking with the babies up to the neighborhood craft store for some plaster of paris and red ribbons and several sheets of felt (I have a few ideas brewing)....
I'm thinking of when I asked Maddie a couple of days ago how she would choose the three of us to spend time together... she said "Play downstairs!" so I'm thinking we'll get to play with lots of interesting things and clean up the playroom today....
I'm thinking that my house is pretty clean, and won't take much to get it in ship-shape...

My head and heart are tapping and stomping and ready and happy and so eager for this day...

for this day.
For this now.
For this ordinary life that we can live and appreciate and celebrate as if it's extraordinary.

...For this life that we shall live and love and celebrate as if it is extraordinary.

in gratitude, day one: the good stuff

A year ago I did thirty days of gratitude. At that time I chose to do so because looking for things to be grateful for is a very effective way to first of all get your mind away from things that you don't want to pay more attention to (and that you'd just-as-soon left your consciousness/world altogether), and secondly intentionally watching for the Goodness is a lovely way to spend a bit of time each day.

It's that time again, I think.

Today, however, I don't choose the path because I find something wrong with my life... it's more like an extra bit of goodness to accompany my thoughts and ponderings and recognition of Beauty. Sort of like a surfeit of Goodliness, if you see what I mean.

So.
I begin my thirty days...
Thirty days of recognizing abundance. Thirty days of acknowledging prosperity. Thirty days of capturing a fleeting moment in my hand or in my heart or with my camera or holding it fast to my spirit.

Today, it's this.
This speaks to me because it suits my mood and my feelings of my home.
Warmth, which I certainly value on a cold winter's night.
Pretty, bright little lights around my picture window. They're sparkly, like magic.
The down of my couch.
The quiet hum of my notebook.
The snuggly blanket next to me (that I'll surely be wrapping up in any minute, now).
It speaks of settling into, and warmth, and cookies, and quiet play and snuggles and long stories.
It represents, to me, my home, in this minute, and my life, in this minute, and my Self, in this minute...
and I can be very, very thankful for This, in this minute.
It is Enough.

Gift List

Let me just tell you how excited I am that we're making almost all of our gifts this year!
Well, aside from my children's gifts. Though I will where I can.

And let me tell you something else... all that crafting we've been doing? I haven't bought anything!! I think the only thing I had to buy was velcro strips for the plant presses (and I'll have to buy the plastic rings to secure them) and a large bottle of craft glue. Mine was a little one, and almost gone. That's it! Everything else we've had.
Ha!
Makes me feel justified in collecting things, let me tell you. (Not in a packrat, never-throw-anything-away way, but in a "Ooh, look at this pretty silver paint. And it's on sale for 59cents! That might come in handy someday...." sort of way. Let me just say again... Ha!

Doing handmade this year is not about the money, as we all know that often times we can buy it for far cheaper than we can make it, so when you already have the supplies, it sure cuts down on the angst.
It's about crafting. Making things with my bare hands and bare heart and bare spirit.
It's about being in that zone... where the ideas come faster than you can make the dream happen. It's about those famous, lovely, flowing Juices.

The energy is zipping and zapping in our house right now.
It seems that everything is "Step outside your regular self and let ingenuity and creativity be your guide."
Who could complain about that?

in gentleness

and in breath
and in peace
and with intention.....
i will walk softly through my day.

basking

The last few days I've been contemplating gentleness - mostly how to better live it, and Be it.
For me, Gentleness includes lots of delicious things - being intuitive, feminine, being appreciative, being mindful (truly present), walking softly, treating the children with loads of kindness, puttering around the house cleansing it of mental and emotional debris even as I wipe down the fridge.

Yesterday I had a conversation with a close friend regarding abundance and creativity (as in creating one's life). The conversation continued this morning along the lines of gratitude and being appreciative -as in raising the value of life- of the Good Things around us.

Early this morning before the babes were awake I had cleaned a few rooms, and had a minute to sit in my livingroom in utter peace - and to watch the sunlight stream in and set things aglow.
I was appreciative.
I grabbed my laptop, plopped on the couch, and tried my best to capture in a few words my feelings of gratitude for these things - not only for their own sake, but for the sake of honoring the beauty life offers me.

An hour or so later I noticed that my Aunt Kathy had written a new post, "A Charmed Life Indeed". Referencing a short post a couple of days ago that I had written about being appreciative and charmed by little things. She, too, was contemplating things that were bringing comfort, contentment, peace, joy, and ease.

A little while ago as I was fixing my lunch I was pondering what book I wanted to feed my soul with as I ate. Simple Abundance, I thought.
I want to read Simple Abundance.
Remember it, from a hundred years ago?

I've rarely picked it up. Never read the whole thing.
But I wanted it today.

Now lots of folks have their Good Book's. For some it's a bible, for some it's the I Ching, for some it's Tarot cards, or runes, The Tao of Pooh, or the Tao te Ching.
For me, it's all of it. I like to listen for Goodness -Godness- in everything. In whatever I pick up in that moment.

Here, (smiling, now) is what I read today as I opened my book to just any ol' page.

"
January 18
Beauty: Opening Our Eyes to the Beauty That Surrounds Us

While the Simple Abundance path is gentle, its lessons are powerful. First of all, we learn to be grateful no matter what our circumstances may be. In offering gratitude for our real lives, we discover how to change them for the better. As we embrace simplicity, we learn that less is truly more. This freedom encourages us to bring order to our affairs and cultivate harmony in our inner world. Going at our own pace, learning to recognize our limitations, appreciating our progress, we weave the lessons into the fabric of our daily moments until they become a part of us.
Suddenly one day we feel very much alive and desire more beauty in our personal quest. We come to a deep awareness that creating a beautiful life is our highest calling. "It was as if I had worked for years on the wrong side of a tapestry, learning accurately all its lines and figures, yet always missing its color and sheen," the journalist Anna Louise Strong confessed in 1935. We understand her sentiments as life's color and sheen and beauty call to us.
Today, explore ways to see your world differently. Let your eyes drink in the beauty that surrounds you. Walk to a gallery on your lunch hour and meditate upon a beautiful painting, or into your backyard this afternoon to catch that "certain Slant of light" that so enthralled Emily Dickinson. Gaze into the faces of those you love, set the table with care, and relish the preparations you make for dinner, delighting in the presentation of your meal. Light the candles, pour wine or sparkling water in your prettiest goblets, and celebrate this new awareness. It is in the details of life that beauty is revealed, sustained, and nurtured.
Outside, winter's darkness closes in. Inside, you have found your own Light.
"

Isn't life a beautiful, amazing thing?

gratitude

this morning i'm thinking....
cleansing, peacefulness, gentleness, a month of sundays, a walk with the children to gather pods and pinecones and fuzzy dried flowers, clean white counters...

at this moment i am appreciating:

pondering all the joyous or peaceful moments I can create for This Day
blue skies
still trees
a vase of sunflowers glowing in the sunlight streaming through the window
stillness
paper jack o'lanterns glowing orange under the morning's sun
a perfectly tidy and quiet place to sit
Being

perfect

aside from not doing much -er, if any at all- work lately in my own head, life is practically perfect.

we (and by we I mean those of us that are lucky enough to be free to truly enjoy our days) have had glorious weather. i think of it as the Great Mother's way of bestowing blessings upon us - since we were never scorched for long periods this summer Autumn was a surprise to most of us. She's giving us time to get used to the idea, and is easing us out of summer, I think.
so we acknowledged her gift yesterday and refilled the pool. one more time.

life has been filled with friends and play.

gallivanting with determined stomps.

explorations and discoveries.

the morning is perfect with an early morning cup of coffee to ward off the slight chill - to be followed in an hour by glasses of iced tea.

our home is in acceptable shape, the outside lists of chores are getting shorter, everything is humming and whirring as it should be.

everything outside my open door whispers and chirps encouragement and promises.

perfect.

In Gratitude

Things that are making me happy right this minute:

quiet

divine temperatures

a sparkly clean refrigerator

a sparkly clean pantry

the thought of baking cookies today

the thought of baking pretzels today

the cleaned-off mail desk

cool sunshine

remembering and experiencing Well-Being.

operation: sparkle (or) Sacred Life Monday

As I was hanging up laundry on the line, I noticed this.Which made me think of this.

It caused me to be present enough to realize that while life with the babes right now is super sparkly and fun, an important part of me has been ignored - abandoned.
It's been run over with all the noise. Yada yada.

I'm not creating out of thin air.
I'm not living mindfully and intentionally.
I'm not smiling to myself over synchronistic or serendipitous happenings.
I'm not hearing the song on the wind, or even the whisperings of my own soul.
I've been living my life on auto-pilot.

Which means there's no magic.

I've missed the true joys that can only come from a spirit knowing itself and creating.
I'm so glad I've remembered my Self.

Then ....and Now (or) The Romance of a Watermelon

Keeping a Nature Journal by Claire Walker Leslie (circa year 2000)

It seems like folks are always lamenting The Good Ol' Days.
Complaining about how grand things were Then, and what a Sad State of Affairs the world has come to, Now.

A sentiment I most assuredly do not share.

I'm not saying that the romance of the past holds no magic for me. Please. Historical fiction is one of my great loves.

I am saying that it confuses and saddens me when I here people say "Back in my day.....", with a dreamy look in their eye, as if their yesterdays are the only days worth living.
I always think, Well, this is your day, too.

This sentiment (that this is your day, too) is such a big part of Who I Am.
It is reflected in the way I celebrate my life, it is apparent in the way I am raising my children, it is portrayed in my political choices (that I believe strongly in Freedom and Liberty), and it is probably obvious in my daily life - such as walking away from the dishes whenever I feel like it. :)

I honestly don't see that life in a by-gone era holds more romance or magic than today.

Aside from the obvious - famine, women being eighteenth-class citizens, people in general not being seen as equals, chamber pots :) and not having a convenient place to dump them - even in the fifties - a place our folks now would call the good-ol-days we had lots of issues - among them, women being patted on the head, and being told "There there, little lady, don't you worry your pretty little head about it," wide-spread human inequality, and certainly no real choices in the way we educate our children.

I think that if you only look around -- look at your grocer in January, and you'll find watermelon. We have access to flour that doesn't have weevils and little stones. We can eat fresh vegetables in the wintertime.
Of course, if you live anywhere near my neighborhood, these things came from far away - and swiftly put an end to your 100 Mile diet.

And there are atrocities, certainly. Nuclear energy comes to mind. As does Stovetop Stuffing and Hamburger Helper. (I could be entirely wrong in judging these things as imitations of food, I don't think in my life I have consumed either one.)

But - and it is a hugely significant one - we have options. We have choices.
Yes, there is flour with all the nutrients taken out and then put back in, but there is also organic whole grain flour. There is (still!) utilization of fossil fuels - but we have the option of harnessing energy with the sun, and with wind. Yes, it's expensive, and not an option for me, personally, that I can see, but beeswax candles and lampoil were expensive, too.

It is absolutely not my position to be trite and to say "Yes, these kids today are hooked on text messaging on their phones, and people are not interacting in personal ways -- but look at all the lives cell phones save!" (we don't have cellphones in my family) It's a ridiculous point, and not relevant here.

My point is... we have so much opportunity, and so many options.
I love that I can connect with (even on a deeply intimate, and often spiritual level) with folks (women) that I have never met, that live a thousand miles away.
I am so spectacularly grateful that in this day and age, school is a moot point. Obsolete, as my husband says.
My son can (and does) ask "what is the biggest berry in the world?" -I made that up- and I can jump on my little laptop and have in-depth information for him within two minutes of his asking it.
I love that we live on the outskirts of our capital city, and my husband can and does ride his bicycle to work when he is able.

I love this life.
I love this time.

I love this pineapple sitting upon my counter.

The Country Diary of an Edwardian Lady by Edith B. Holden (written in 1906)

surviving

I've made such a fuss about pmsing and my emotions that I thought I'd update.
The thing is - I know that there is away to fix it. I know that I can heal (or balance) any crazy fluctuations... I'm just not sure how.
And, of course, part of the problem is that when I'm in a serious bout of it, sometimes I don't even care. It's all I can do to just survive the moment. I think the first step is to change that, then maybe I can move on to "I choose peace instead of this," as I mentioned before.

Today was wonderful!
Though I have not spent any time at all with my Valentine - well my main one, anyway.
The babes and I headed out early to meet friends, and Eric scooted off to work shortly after that. He won't be home 'til probably long after we're tucked in and nestled like spoons.

But, we did get to pass the day with friends -The Mama's with additions, and it was a lovely afternoon.
No stress, no panicking.
I spent quite a bit of time downstairs this morning before we left, first blending some oils together that I thought would be helpful in less than tranquil moments, and then an uninterrupted and loooong meditation.

Now I'm here (with quiet music on my ipod), Maddie is sleeping peacefully, and Trev is watching a movie and giggling. (I can hear him, I always listen to my stuff quietly.)
The house is quiet except for his laughter, it's still and winter-white outside, so the world without and the world within - indeed, even within myself - are quiet, and peaceful, and still.

I welcome it, and am thankful.

it's just a coincidence

It was pointed out to me (again) not too long ago what coincidence means.
It doesn't really mean what most of us take it to mean.
Coincide - coincidence - mathematically means "two angles that fit together perfectly."
We usually use it to mean "by happenstance" or accident.

I've really been noticing coincidences for the last little while.
Probably a dozen times or so in the last week.

LadybugZen wrote a lovely post with pictures referencing the Tao of Pooh, which I've been thinking of lately, and even made a slight reference to at the end of my potions post earlier this week. (It may not have been apparent, but I was thinking it.)
On two or three other blogs I've read of abundance, something I've been contemplating myself.
On others it's been Intention.
On still others I have been reading observations of what a remarkable and amazing life we unschoolers get to live. Something I surely have been thinking of often myself lately. I don't mean to disconnect with hsers, but this particular one is specific to unschooling - seeing the magic happen without lessons, and frustration, and control. Once in a while you stand in amazement when your child discovers the world completely on his own - in a way that makes sense to his mind, and speaks to his heart. It takes your breath away.
Sheri at My So-Called Homeschool wrote a few days ago a "My Favorite Things of the Day" post, I've been wanting to do a "favorite things" post for several days, now. (I sing the song all the time. Well, not all the time - but often enough. Maddie always hushes me. I tell her to go away. :) )
Lastly, last night I wrote a post about the moon in Cancer, and the full moon phase - which is all about motherhood, nurturing, family, cooking, emotions, impressions, and this morning I got a comment from Evie saying "head on over to Child'sPlay to read her post last night". I did, and found a beautifully moving post about grief - and mothering, and nurturing, and family, and cooking, and emotions.

To my mind there are a couple of parts to this great mystery.
One is that it shows that we're drawn toward our own kind - to those that can understand us, and that have had similar experiences.
If you're a person that likes what I would consider negativity - illness, bad fortune, children that you don't get along (ever) peacefully with, and some people do like to live this way -(believing life is hard and cruel) then you're probably going to surround yourself with like-minded people.
You're probably going to hang out places where you can complain, and say "My child did the brattiest thing...." ...And thankfully so, for those of us that have very different lives don't see it that way, and don't really want that particular poison in our minds and hearts.
And, if you're of a different mind, and wanting different things in your life, then you probably seek out places to express and reinforce that, too.
And guess what?
Both of them will probably supply you with lots more of whatever it is that you're experiencing.

The second is that it reveals where the mind and heart lie.
Sometimes you are exposed to words or thoughts that lead you to understanding, even when you haven't captured what the question is, or what it is that you were trying to figure out.
But you come to that understanding at exactly that time from exactly that source because you're ready for it.
Coincidentally.

Anyway.

This is my blogging and sharing world, Friends.
Full of coincidences, and full of questions and inclinations and investigations - always inspiring me and furthering me along my path - more deeply, and more sure-footed.
I've said it before (and probably will for as long as we have this blessed avenue for sharing) that I am so astoundingly grateful to have this resource for exploration and introspection.
Though surely it's no coincidence......

Shouting Out (or) Whispering on the Wind

You get to decide.

Here's the thing - for a couple of months now I've been thinking that I want to give awards to blogs that I love and friends that I've met.
[grin] Really arrogant of me, I know - but there you have it.

There are a few folks that I read and keep up with that I don't have listed in my sidebars here and on OLM.
This one has lots more, but that's because this one encompasses more than unschoolers.
Anway - this is my award ceremony.
Well, not really, but I'd like to say "Thank You" and "You Inspire Me" to the following people...
(Most of these folks -er, women- I have discovered through comments and the Unschooler's Ring. I am forever grateful for both.)

Evie. (Of The Road Less Traveled) Aaaaw, Evie. I feel like we're waving from a distance, lately. Busybusybusy. I miss you terribly, and you mean so much to me. xxoo

M of Stuff About the Duffs. M always leaves thoughtful comments, and is so gracious, sweet, and considerate - we've managed to find similar things and thoughts and feelings while being mightily different at the same time. I truly appreciate your graciuosness, M.

Laura, Pisces Grrrl of Wistful Wanderlust - Laura is the Horizon - and what/whom I look to when folks say "sure you Unschool NOW, your children are babies...." Not so. It can and will be done into completion. Laura often shows me the way. Much love to you.

SA over at Child's Play - who alternatively inspires with her children's intellect and makes me howl - thanks so much for both! - Oh! And let's not forget that she and her children are World Travelers - and give me a peek into what's out there in the Wide Blue Yonder!

Marin of Eye Candy is a relatively new friend who is the Mama of a little boy who I'm gonna eat one of these days. Marin learns and stretches and looks inside herself and lets us know what she finds. I appreciate much her candor.

Sheri hails from My So-Called Homeschool, and reminds me of Universal Truths and Enlightenment, along with what Mamahood means, and I find much to appreciate in her writings.

MamaP of My Total Perspective Vortex often inspires and challenges me to look even deeper into an idea or thought - and will even go so far as explore or explode it with me. That means much to me. You and your vortex are appreciated.

Danette of Wild and Free - a new friend who is bravely testing the waters of unschooling - and managing to find solid footing. Danette reminds me that it's alright to travel however necessary my own path. I thank her for that.

Beverly of Homeschool Image. Who is always careful to pop in to say "Hey" every once-in-a-while, and who always impresses me with her comments on other's blogs. As well as with tales of her own of course!

Pichinde of The Napping House - formerly of Granola Among Frosted Flakes (both titles are great, don't you think?) - a brand new acquaintance who apparently likes OLM cause I'm tricky! Er - she said "has lots of great ideas". Me? Huh. Imagine that. Oh! And she also says (graciously) that my hundreds of grainy pictures (because I refuse to use the flash) don't bore her! :)!
Really - it's always pretty great to run across folks that you can relate to - which I have done here, with hers, I think, and I am thankful for her blog!

Kimba of Kimbalicious - Mostly 'cause she makes me scratch my head and ask "What?!?" It's imperative that I step out of my regular brain and try to catapult myself onto her planet from time to time. Just to challenge myself!!

Lena of The Morgan Follies - whom I met through my sister's blog - she is sweet enough to pop in every once-in-a-while to cheer me on, and to make my day. Thanks, Lena!! In her spare time she nourishes five children....

Madeline of Barn Raising who regularly shares tales of her two young Princes, as well as her significantly larger Belgium Gentelemen Farmer Prince who is her husband. Lots of interesting stories of their lives to be read on her blog.

T of Heartschooling thinks and feels much as I do - how could I not appreciate that???

Stephanie of Learning Through Living - [grin] She is the reason I've taken to signing off as Steph S.! It so happens that she visits the same places I do - but I'll forgive her for having my name as she visits my blog, too! :) Really - she and I are different in a number of ways, but I enjoy her grit and the insight into her perspective.

Now we come to my sister Kim of Chez Nous In Maine - who has always (ahem - except for lately!) been a great supporter and friend. I guess she's busy with those twelve children of hers. sheesh. Seein's how her dh is back in school again full time plus.... I love her and her funny stories. Even the wicked one that she told of my mom the other day and then erased.... :) heehee

Last but not least are The Mama's - my local support system.

There's Aubrey -who blogs at Band of Hooligans - who I love to tease mercilessly, and who has so much insight and wisdom and is a breath of fresh air.

Julie of Lerend Zonder School - who is all that is mildness and gentleness.

Melissia of Sweet Succulent Life - who has threatened to take down her blog! - I most sincerely hope that she does not - who so often speaks my own thoughts and feelings, and always understands what I'm trying to say.

Teri - the Fairy Queen Mother who is all freckles and sunshine and sweetness and the epitomy of Mamahood. Oh - she can be found at Joyful Liberation.

Stephanie O who writes a few snippets at Milestone Minutiae has always been a great CheerLeader - as I've told her more than once - and I appreciate her support and straight head!

I am a far better person to have these souls inspire me and share their stories and wisdom.

You all mean so much to me.
Blessed Be Friends.