Monday, August 10, 2009

a month of Sundays

.. that's better. Had to get tucked in outside on the patio for this.

The beauty of living a life of freedom and honoring flow is that you can make up a Sunday whenever you wish.
Sunday is my favorite day.
This weekend -especially since we were all about home and hearth- I figured maybe I'd have Sunday to go through my herbs, clean my room, clean house while riding on a hum.... you get the idea. Delicious Sunday sorts of things.
Instead we played checkers and did things like write alphabet letters.

I need a month of Sundays.
[closes eyes and lays head back against chair.]
I need to fall hard and deep into The Still... so deeply that I can find myself in the bottom of the pit covered in muck and bring Me out into the Sunshine.
Bring Me into the light, pull the webs out of my hair, dowse me in fresh well-water to wash away the goo.

I'm out of tune.
My tone is horrid. Probably more like a (dreaded and embarrassing) screech.
I don't feel that we're miles and miles off base, as the children are doing well.
But I feel like every word out of my mouth has a tone of complaint or accusation. Could be because I started the monthly yesterday, and had previously been looking on the last few days prior to the weekend (uh, particularly Wednesday) thinking what the hell is wrong with me? (Day four or five prior is always That Day for me.) Could be that it has my focus. Some of it's just Mama-talk... some of it's because by nature I'm bossy and exacting (I try to change that many days).... some of it's because I really have a hmmph type of personality (often I feel most like Rabbit from Winnie-ther-Pooh, shamefully enough)... but mostly it's because I'm out of Tune.

The good news is that I figure I'm at the "Ahem" stage.
For some background... the way I see things, when Spirit (and I mean the Spirit/God/Universe connection) starts to head off the trail or toward jumping off the cliff (away from what we most want when we're in The Still), you first get a whisper as a Reminder. If you ignore the whisper, you get a tap on the shoulder with an "Ahem.". Upon ignoring that, you get a tug on your hand to hold you back. If you decide to play tug-of-war, and persistently eventually pull yourself free and continue on the same path-- then you get a brick knocking you upside the head. Bricks are never fun. I try to avoid them.

I've written this explanation before, and when I went to look for it (to link it and not repeat it) I came across a post from two years ago about Recalibration.
That's exactly what I'm seeking.
Engaging my heart into the flow.

That wondrous place where there is no offense.
Where judgments (of myself) are quieted.
The place where I see myself as strong and loving and smiling.
That beautiful place where I am Intuitive, Creating, Engaged, and Powerful.

This is the Me I want to live my experiences through.
The one I'm ready to dust off and let Shine.


Jumbleberry Jam said...

I've been at the brick wall for 2 1/2 years. I'm only now seeing a glimmer of what recalibration is doing for me - being home - in this lush, rich place. The Still is a ways away yet (especially since I start into the madness that grad school brings in a little over a month), but this taste of it is so sweet! May it be so for you, too!!


singingfamily said...

When we got married on a Sunday 10 years ago Gary and I were in love with a Paul Mcartney song, Heaven on a Sunday" and in our program there was a picture of us with the words "Peaceful, like heaven on a Sunday." I love the idea of choosing a Sunday on any day of the week, thanks!

Crunchy Christian Mom said...

Oh, I love this post. Because I'm there Right Now. And yes, it's that time of the month. Funny about day 4 or 5 prior, isn't it?