Sunday, February 04, 2007

February 4

I've ordered Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves from Amazon. I've been wanting to read it for quite a while, and it's one of those titles that the local libraries don't carry, so.....

Things have been really mellow and peaceful the last few days. It's been one of those blessed periods in which I'm totally in love with my family. Find them adorable, irresistable, and infinitely enchanting.
I'm not sure what happened, but after reading on that blog the other day (the one I mentioned in my last post, Cristine's blog) I've just been feeling much more at peace. Is it that whole idea of being kind and patient with myself that I should credit? Maybe so. Whatever it was, it was instantaneous, and certainly heaven sent. Maybe it's the combination of all the work I've been doing on it, and (my head) chose that particular minute to shift, instead of all of the other likely ones!
To a small degree I find it strange to read others' truth or processes and find epiphanies in them. That's probably why I don't care for religion. I've never been one to be inspired by another's "lightbulb" moment. Although I may reflect on it, or respect it, I certainly don't take it on as my own truth. Who does? Except that there could very well be something in there for me, it just may not be what the storyteller found so moving. The exception to this is those I find an affinity with, such as friends, who may be going through something similar and inspire me to have a different take on the matter than I might have on my own.
Alternatively, I was listening to Wayne Dyer the other day (I love him) and he said something about that he had no doubt that he had just as much to learn from speaking to anyone in that room as they did from him. I started thinking about that, and I think that's true. And it made me feel more at ease about listening to a stranger's notions. (I've always been to rebellious to be much of a follower.)

On a more ridiculous note.... Trev is sitting a few feet away (in the den) watching Scooby Doo on cartoon network. Now Why, I ask you, am I relieved when he's watching Scooby Doo, and irritated when he's watching something I'm not familiar with? Sheesh. Although I should say past tense, I've managed to get over my ill feelings toward cartoon network.
I knew from the beginning that what I should do is watch with him to see for myself how objectionable the content really was. The few I actually watched, like last night, this girl was talking about being a bully, and she said something about when you're mean to others it's really because you feel small on the inside, and so you feel the need to hurt others, and she said it kindly and with empathy. "Huh", thought I. A couple of days ago Trev comes in talking about karate, and jumping and leaping. Hmm. Another exposure that had nothing to do with me. Another day, maybe a week ago he started talking about his power, and how he had a lot of power inside him to change things, and even in his hands.
(blink) "Yes, that is certainly true, Son. You have much power." I can't deny That, I live and breathe this philosophy.
Today I see him setting out his hands when we're at the store, using the power inside his hands to close the (coincidentally automatic?) doors.
"Are you using your powers to shut those doors?"
Hmm again. Know that I believe for all I know, those doors were not working until my son closed them.
Now all of this comes after I've begun to get over my resentment for wasting away life by CN watching. But I'm not so certain that he isn't learning some things of value. Hi might be filing them (valuable insights) away for future reference.
How amazing!
Besides that, if he watches CN only for the next 14 years, and does nothing else, he'll probably know a hell of a lot about animation, just as reading has led me to self expression and love for the written word.
I've decided if that's his truth, so be it.
I'll just keep asking him if he wants to visit this or that museum, or if he wants to check out this human skeleton. I'll keep reading to Maddie, and he'll always be welcome to join in on the snuggle. I'll announce that I'm doing xxx experiment because I want to see if x or happens or y. I'll keep saying "on Tuesday", and he'll keep figuring out how many days that means. He'll ask me obscure questions, and I'll keep answering as best I can.
Yup. Organic Learning.

One other thing I've been considering is my personality difference from some of the ways that I like so much. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing me, and I don't think I'm obnoxious and over-bearing. It's just that I sometimes see people in public, or have certain people that I respect (Julie V and Danielle Conger come to mind) and can't help but wish that that utter gentleness was a part of who I am.
But I'm not. I'll probably always grumble "Oh, for God's Sake", while rolling my eyes.
Or at least think in my head "jack-ass!".
But oddly enough, I take some sort of warped comfort in the fact that a CSI episode was once about murder in a Buddhist temple, and the remaining living monk said something about that he didn't drive because he could't refrain from getting angry while driving. I took great pleasure in that, I can tell you!
I've begun to be resigned to the fact that it's more my style to grumble outrage or comment with an absurd observation than to accept things blithely with grace. Patience and utter gentleness are just not a big part of who I am. Maybe in a few (loads) more lifetimes.
Thank Goddess for reincarnation! :)

I take solace in the fact that a mentor (WD again) was a much less gentle, enlightened being than the one I perceive today. As were so many others, no doubt, until they found amazing grace. Er... enlightenment.

And that's all I got fer now.

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