Thursday, February 01, 2007

On Kindness

Today I was remembering a line I had heard, probably of some movie that went something like... "Now my Dad had been in a bad mood since 1942...", or something. Maybe it's from A Christmas Story, I'm not sure. That's not exactly what was said, but you get the point.
Anyway, I was thinking today that that's pretty much what I've seen of myself, lately. Seemingly always irritated at best, or in a tirade at worst.
The thing is, I know better. I know that what you put your attention on grows. I know that your thoughts make your reality -As you think, so shall you Be. I know that your reality changes if you simply "Treat yourself as if you already are the person you'd like to become.", as Wayne Dyer says. Got it. I'm one of "those" people - tarot card reading, crystal-holding, spell-casting, trickling stream meditating, positive thinking fruitcakes. No, not fruitcakes, I don't like fruitcake, how about.... cheese danish. Yes, that's it, I'm a metaphysical cheese danish.
And I've been in a perpetual bad mood for ... more than the last few minutes.
This post is part of my process to shake it off once and for all.
Melissia - bless her again - sent me a post asking me if I'd be interested in a project that would suit a full moon. I hadn't heard of the particular project, so I went to the page from whence the article came. It was from a blog that I have now included on my blog favorites.
In it I was led (serendipity at work, certainly!) to a post entitled "How to Survive a Bad Day", (I substituted year, because I am feeling very melodramatic) in which she talks of a little man in her head who carries a clipboard, wears a cape and resembles Richard Simmons going around and swatting all of the nasties (bad happenings and thoughts) and shrieking "“Oh! This is just AWFUL! You’re ruining EVERYTHING! Don’t you know we’re all supposed to be POSITIVE now?!”

Except mine doesn't swat at the nasties, he (and he's big and mean) blames me and makes sure to let me know that I am at fault. I let them in. I let them stay. I help them to grow and flourish. I even encourage them to bear fruit!

Now... this is where the change starts taking place.
I've (and you, too, no doubt) have been reading for years that "you can't love anyone until you love yourself".
Right. Got it.
I'm selfish enough that I "get" taking bubble baths or meditating or buying a new book, or time hashing things over with my parenting (mostly ru) friends online is paramont to my growth and sanity.
I've also heard umpteen times of "playing those old tapes", which I often scoff at, it's a no-brainer, "psh, put them to rest!"
Not realizing, until I went into some of the more dank tunnels of my mind today that kindness was what was needed on the forefront of this particualr battleground. (Again, thanks to that same particular post.) Not kindness to others, but to myself.
By way of not listening when I hear "now you've ruined everything," and then possibly putting that same blame onto someone else, although not necessarily consciously. Causing the day to be put down as "a total loss".
And flailing around in dismay when the opposition comes up, and "getting hooked" by the nasties.
How to get around that?

The answer for me, in this particular place and time, is to be kind.

I've been reminded that I need to allow time for new thoughts and patterns to emerge.
I have a need for stopping the accuser.
And even for shushing, however gently, the recriminator.
Kind to myself. Funny thing is, just by thinking that thought, I find my thoughts and reactions to situations around me considerably more gentle.
Pretty amusing that it would happen that quickly.

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