Thursday, May 24, 2007

Aah damn. (of a different sort)

'Member how I said that I suspect Macky is on his way out?

Tonight he's sort of stuck, and not able to walk, and incontinent, and not able to do anything about it.
I think, dear friends, that it may be time.
Eric gave him some ibuprofen (we figure it can't hurt him at this point), but it's not really helping, either. I've called to see what the particulars are.

Cried while looking up "euthanize utah" online.
Talked to Trevy.
Told him "we may have to take Max to be put to sleep tomorrow."
"I'm just not comfortable with that," was his exact response."Well, I'm not comfortable, either. But here is why I think it may be the right thing to do....."

My mom said (it seemed to me accusingly) a week or two ago "You need to put him to sleep, Stephanie. Look at him. Poor thing."
I replied with something like "He's just old. Do you want me to have You put to sleep just because you can't get around so good anymore?"
All along I've said and thought that when he 'Let's Us Know'...... when he can't get around, and can't get to his food and water, and can't get outside to do his business, or he demonstrates that he is in pain, then and only then will I put him to sleep. Or help him on his way. Or kick him out, as I sometimes see it.
Aah. So now we've come to this.

I must say, Trev asked some very beautiful questions. And I spoke some very beautiful and articulate words, friends. Can't name them at the moment, as I am listening to my Macky-doo breathe heavy, and seeing him struggle a bit, even with his funny Macky-dog puppy, vibrant face.
I suspect that over the next week or month or two you'll hear quite a few words regarding this matter. Off again and on again.

Aah, Max.
Mama loves you.

1 comment:

Melissia said...

I read your post right before bed and cried and cried. Have been crying this morning too. I miss my Bucky so bad sometimes. One day he just looked at me and I heard the words "let me go" I tried to brush it off as pure insanity. The next day it was there again- "let me go" and I knew it was him. I personally do want to be eutahnised if my quality of life is really bad so I did not feel like I was making a decision for him I would not want made for me. Hang in there dear friend.