Tuesday, June 05, 2007

In Peace - The Process

I called the preceding post The Acknowledgment because I knew as I was finishing it that I wanted to further explore the topic.
Maybe I want to tap into the how so that I can come back to this place if I feel it is eluding me.
I'm not at all sure (or have a clue, really) of how I got here.

I was questioning early on if all of the books and ponderings had brought me. But that didn't really make sense, as I have not mastered my emotions and responses in a stressful situation.
And certainly remembering back on a time when I hadn't even raised my voice for a week or two wasn't bringing me closer to that point again, I was only noticing the lack of such an experience - therefore driving it further away.

For a moment I wondered if it were a matter of slow deliberation, intention, and practice.
Like it was coming to me all along in slow and steady increments.
Like my flowers growing. And my tomato plants. Reading a good book.
Process, process, process.

But I really suspect that above all it was just my being preoccupied.
The Peace found me, by way of The Path of Least Resistance.
Instead of getting angry at myself because I can not materialize this thing (right now!) that I'm trying to create in my life (peace and perfection in this case), I just sort of backed off. Not with the intent of hurrying it to me, but just out of preoccupation. I spent my time inside my own head instead of inside (and comparing myself to) others' (those I view as masters). Thinking about other things. Speculating on different ideas. Allowing my thoughts to drift elsewhere.
I just quit worrying about it. Maybe even gave up.

Now to the question of how to keep it?
It was so very helpful to me that whimsigal wrote a comment for the last post about "hitting a stride". It hadn't occurred to me that I might consider it as such. But what a wonderful thought! I thank her sincerely for those strengthening words.
Instead of worrying that my Peace will be destroyed, or shattered in a moment of chaos and frustration, I can view it as an entirely different thing.
I can choose to view it as evolvement. As self acceptance. As a confidence that where I am in this moment is a Fine place to be. (Which is an entirely new concept for me.)
I don't have to hurry this particular knowledge along, to make it grow into something even more important and encompassing.

So that's what I'm going to do.
View it as my stride.
Bask in the self acceptance until I feel called to push forward.
Just Be.

1 comment:

KMDuff said...

These are beautiful words. I really enjoy reading these posts. Thanks for sharing. :)