Saturday, July 14, 2007

After further contemplation....

It's the most obvious.
I've not been paying attention. Last night right after I wrote that possibility, suggested it, I knew it was the reason.
I've had too many things that I've felt that I Must Get Done, and have not left any moments free for the finer (more subtle and delicate) things.
I've not neglected the children really (yet), I have taken time when needed for that. But other delicates, like computers, and thoughts, and meditation, and contemplation, and communication, all of those have suffered.
Too busy.
Head too busy.
Hands too busy.
Fingers too busy.

I'm not blaming myself (how unusual for me), and I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing that I've so thoroughly neglected my home and head, in the name of Business That Needs To Be Taken Care Of. It's been a cycle, though, and since I am reviewing and contemplating the cycle, and and don't much care for the outcome, I've decided to take heed of the warnings, and to Pay Attention.
I mean that quite literally, as I think you know.
Be mindful.

I'll be retreating (not sure quite how yet) into a wondrous place of contemplation and thought before I speak. Before I react.

(lol) How perplexed my in-laws will be this weekend when every time they ask me something I stare at them and take a good five minutes before I answer their questions. They'll be sniffing my drinks, and asking Eric if I'm on any new prescriptions.

It sounds silly, but really, I think it's my answer. We're heading up to the lake, and there will be ample time for paddle boat rides, walks in the woods, sketching while lying in the grass, and playing with my water colors. (all of these things being related to meditation, contemplation, and introspection.)
So it seems a fine opportunity to totally retreat. I'll be away from all my usual things and worries. Maybe the trick (or the answer, or maybe the quest) is about being totally inside my head, heart, and spirit, while maintaining a great communication with the others around me.

Communication: The act of communicating; transmission.
The exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, or behavior.

Retreat: The act or process of withdrawing, especially from something hazardous, formidable, or unpleasant.
The process of going backward or receding from a position or condition gained.
A period of seclusion, retirement, or solitude.
A period of group withdrawal for prayer, meditation, or study: a religious retreat.

Yup. That sounds about right.

I'm starting to really look forward to this weekend, and to think there is a bit of serendipity at work...


Laura said...

Hallo there - thanks for visiting my blog & leaving a nice comment. :) And I've now briefly visited all 3 of yours! I very much enjoyed your posts and even your profile - I like how you think, and I like how you write, and I too am a student of mindfulness and inner work. And let's not forget the unschooling connection - woohoo! So I'm quite delighted to make your acquaintance! I love your thoughts on paying attention and taking retreat - definitely food for thought. I look forward to reading more of you!


Lerend Zonder School said...

Steph, you definitely are a writer, as Whimsigal pointed out, and although I don't disagree with you going inside and contemplating, you NEED to write! We all have needs that must be met, like eating, drinking, going to the potty:), and I believe one of your basic needs is writing, or you wouldn't do it as much and as well as you do!

You pointed out earlier that without your camera you have lost your hands, well I think that without your writing you will lose your head:)