Thursday, July 19, 2007

Frito Lay (or) A Patio With A View

Most of our city property is very private.
We have this little spot in the back that joins the very back of the neighbors, but no one is ever back there, except occasionally the dog, so we do just fine.
About a month ago, maybe more, I was sitting on my Perfectly Peaceful Patio, reading, and doing whatever I do in this Thoughtful Spot, and I hear a neighbor revving and rrr-ing, and I'm like "whatever, it will go away soon."
Pretty soon, this ..... thing.... comes revving (backwards) into my life.
What the hell?
It should be noted that I'm doing my best to shield my personal haven from the neighbors. I've planted a grapevine that is taking it's sweet time to flourish and fully possess this bit of fencing.
Also, before this.... thing.... (The Thing now blocks it) there was a bit of brick wall that had some absolutely horrendous writing painted on it.... bright blue..... God knows what it said... that I absolutely despised.
Where was I?
Oh yes, rev-rev-rev.
I look up to see This Thing backing up into my world.
"Hey, hey! You can't park that thing there!" I shout in my head. "Oh, no! Someone do something!" I'm thinking.
So several days go by with mine eyes being greeted first thing upon entering the world of summer and birds by The Thing.
Not too much later, maybe a week, the thing spoke to my heart.
I don't remember the thing's exact words (we'll call it Frito Lay from here on out), but it started to tell me its tale.
Of how he used to be bright. And multi-colored. And used to resemble one of those billboards that I detest so much (I'm considering one day moving to Maine, simply because I hear they have outlawed billboards.)
I started supposing that the owner of Frito Lay didn't hate me so very much. I started imagining that maybe he even painted Frito Lay for my benefit. That the green was the best thing that he could come up with, as he didn't want to Ruin My World.
I played the confrontation out in my head...
"Hey, you can't park that monstrosity there! This is my view! I live out here! This is where I love, and breathe, and fix myself! Who are you to ruin my life this way?!?"
And owner of Frito Lay looks at me, thoroughly crushed, and heart broken, for he had done all he could to make Frito Lay acceptable to mine eyes. He had no where else to take him.
He had tried his best to please me.
Oh. Oh, I'm going to cry.
I'm so sorry! I didn't know! I should have thought..... I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. Of course he can stay. How kind of you to be so considerate......

Seems it could very well be. His front isn't painted, after all. I've no idea what his other side looks like.
Seems to me that thinking a bit about a certain thing before we get all worked up about an atrocity "done to us" is a mighty good idea.
I've been thinking on this for a while now, and tonight shared this tale with my husband.
He said (or something like it) "That's what sets you apart from all the other jackasses. You have the capability of thinking about things, and separating it, and coming to a wise and thoughtful conclusion."
(almost swooning sigh of pleasure.)
I'm a different sort of jackass.
Isn't that the nicest thing you've ever heard?

1 comment:

whimsigal said...

Ok, I'm laughing so hard, I can't believe I can type straight! A different kind of jackass. Husbands say the BEST stuff and that is exactly why we love them so. You have to keep them around because you never know what they're going to say next!