Thursday, August 23, 2007


This morning I awoke, and decided immediately to live the day in gentleness.
Which is pretty ridiculous, for often when I pursue an idea, any little thing to the contrary sends me reeling into an opposing upset.
As I said before, it started at five something this morning with the weather lady saying "high of 83".
The next contributor was the gentle quietness that I mentioned in Beautiful Noise.
I can't explain it.
Somehow, some way, in spite of my attachments to how I wanted this day to go... it came. Beautifully, gently, and quietly.
I knew soon after awaking that I wanted to change my blog banner, and knew what I wanted to change it to. Harvested herbs. Drying on the line.
After a few details that I'll save for another post, I found myself dabbing myself with a special cleansing oil, and then pursuing this most gentile pastime.
And taking photos of abundance. A gentle way to pass the day, to be sure.
I set up the notebook outside with all the necessary paraphernalia. Annabelle lazed napping in the sun. Maddie napped on the wicker sofa next to me.
The sun shone on - gently and softly.
Trev spoke in gentle, quiet tones.
The breeze seemed to know what was required - for it was also soft, and cool, and delicate.
The birds were and are still hushedly twittering.

I could try to tell you how much I needed this day.
I could confess that gentleness has alluded me for somewhere around three weeks now.
I could tell you that I've grumped, and cussed, and harumphed my way through life for the last while.
Sometimes cajoled.
Sometimes whined.
Hexed, shouted, condemned, damned, exploded, and stomped.
Once in a while even threatened.
Damn and blast. It would all be true.
Most of the time I've maintained my sense and composure - "I just really need your help with this, Bud", but sometimes not - "Just do it."
I'm not proud. I'm not justifying it.

I've lamented over my seemingly uncontrollable emotions, and damned them. I'm still trying to figure out from where they've come, and why.
I promised my sister several days ago that I was close to a conclusion on "what to do when you've had it with the mess and just can't do it alone", but I've yet to respond to her post.
So today I was in dire need of gentleness. Gentleness for myself, gentleness with my children, and gentleness from the world.
I have received it, and relished it.
I don't know that I have come out any wiser, but I have certainly come away with a much needed softness and sense of peace.
So I'm thinking that I shall begin anew.
Here's to walking softly, and living in gentility.


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