(this post was begun on August 8, and edited and published on August 14)
I wrote recently, while in the throes of self-doubt and re-evaluation, about writing to appease whatever discomfort or doubt may arise in Important Others.
I believe it was Laura who said something about "I hope you don't write for anyone else". I was really just speaking of my inlaws. And my sisters. Possibly a few homeschoolers. Maybe the dcfs.
I've got this thing in my head sometimes that screams for validation.
Not validity for me, as I feel Perfectly All Right with my choices, but validity demonstrated for others who may find me/us lacking.
I just have a soul deep need to explain myself sometimes.
Er.. that pretty much wraps up my writing meanderings, in case you have wondered... it is just something that I Must Do. I must explain it. I've said a few times before... I am a WHY kind of girl. So many of my actions, thoughts, philosophies, recreations, explanations, retaliations come from my ingrained need to answer this question.
For a long time in this ru/hs life I went along Perfectly Content, until a close beloved family member said "I just don't understand that. YOU are the parent!.... YOU need to take control..." and I saw/heard that as "You Are Failing!" and "You are not a good mother!"
(shrugs)
It devastated me.
It was the first time I had been called on the carpet for what seemed to another as a transgression.
It surprised the hell out of me, to put it mildly. (Obviously, since I have still not recovered, a year later.)
It's not that I imagine myself to be a 'golden child' who can do no wrong.
But,
I have a deep, deep sense of respect for The Call Of The Spirit, whatever that may be, and I expect - indeed, it's a given- that I shall be allowed to fulfill my own purpose as I see fit. I don't see liberty as a politcal right, just as the most very basic need of the human spirit.
So!
Sometimes blogging is a way for me to report on our lives... a demonstration (for myself as well as Important Others) of "no need to worry about us, we are doing Just Fine". But mostly it's an exploration.
OLM (Ordinary Life Magic) is all about recognizing and celebrating the magic in childhood and family life. I find that the reporting of the beauty and fun aids me in seeing and celebrating the magic... and supports beautifully a Life Well Lived.
This one for me is a place to explore me. My head, my choices, my mothering, my loves, my woes and triumphs.
Writing these blogs is such an important tool for me, supports the two greatest things in my life... noticing the magic, and personal evolution.
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6 comments:
I'm glad you keep this blog. It's been an inspiration to me and this post is no exception. Just today I was confronted by a comment that sort of rocked me back onto my heels and I was pondering how or if I would approach it on my blog. Seeing you express yourself here and exploring all the facets that make up You really sets a fire in my heart to be as open, as raw, and as beautiful as you are. Your blazing honesty provides inspiration to someone like me and I would like to thank you for making all of this public.
Thank you for being here! Thank you for wondering why you write and who you write for! Thank you for being such a deep and spiritual person!
Thank you, friend.
Evie
Geez, Evie!
Way to make me cry!
What can I say but "thank you"?
I am equally appreciative of your stories.
And your candor. And your beauty. And let's not forget your wit!
When you said "raw", does that mean you read my confessional/hillbilly posts? :)
Mucho hugs and kisses to you, dear Sister Of My Heart for your sweet words and kindness.
Stephanie
I find it to be my way of processing things. I'm a gotta-share kind of person too, not so much as a 'look at me' thing but more like a 'thinking out loud' tool. I can wade through the layers more easily when I write it out. And it's thanks to the openness of others in sharing their stories - and mostly, how they got there - that I am moved to see through new eyes as well. And so we circle round.
Whatever the reason, I'm glad you write. For you, for us, for the better place you make with your children in the process.
L
I was so relieved when Naomi Aldort, while doing the conference Trusting Our Children, Trusting Our Selves, she said that she found heself writing about what she needed to learn. THat often it happens when she is asked to write an article on something.
That's definitely how it works for me.
I think it may start at a particular point, but a few minutes later I've arrived at a different point entirely, and realize it's not quite what I thought at all. Or even moreso.
Anyway... yes, it is definitely a part of the process of personal evolution for me.
An invaluable part!
First of all, in a way this post has been bothering me. Was it me that said "You are the parent." ? I hope not. I personally admire your parenting style. It reminds me to trust my children more, and has given me new ideas and new (non conventional) ways of empowering them.
That being said, I love your writings.....I really love them. However, I hope you don't write for me. You have nothing to prove to me. I am a firm believer in parental flexability and striving to meet their needs in the best way possible. From experience, I know that that often means thinking outside the box. You are great at this. As I have evolved as a parent, I have changed my way of thinking so many times, that I have wondered...."Am I doing this right?" You have reminded me that what was right for one may not be the best thing for another.
Your wisdom, insight, humor, example and thoughts have been invaluable to me. I have really enjoyed seeing a different side of you through the window of your blog. Don't write for me, even though I often think....this is just what I needed to hear. Thanks a million. I love you dearly.
XOXOXO
KKS
No, honey, it wasn't you.
and thanks.
love you too.
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