Today was (very early on) pretty humdrum. I'm thinkin' "change the banners today." That means time for harvesting herbs, children playing in leaves, seasonal escapades, et cetera, et cetera.
I should have known! (Indeed, I do know better. Truly I do.)
"Children! Leaves! Fun! Kicking and frolicking, if you please."
Now what did they mean by "what?"?
"You know. Autumnal romance. Crispiness. Crunching and frolicking and leaves in the air - with smiles of joy, if you please."
Please know that staging - as I mentioned earlier to my df Evie, is not my forte. I just don't like it. Never had much fondness for phoniness, if you will. It's all about capturing and finding the magic for me.
Well, 'cept for today.
Well. Gotta come up with somethin today.
Not in a pressure sort of way, you understand, but in a "find something to rejoice" sort of way. I wanted to. I had a need for celebrating and being joyful. Finding joy. Celebrating it.
The children... not so much.
Just Not Interested.
"No, no, no..." they seem to say, twitching their pointing fingers back and forth. "You know better than that! Attachments perpatchments."
"Of course I know that!" I say. "But... it's just The One Time, and it's not as if it's not fun..," I say as I grab a handful of leaves and toss it into the sky, "See? Wheeee!"
"Huh-uh", they insist.
Stomp, stomp, stomp.
Much later, after quite throwing the children to the wolves :), I seek out less...
Caught a few things In Their Glory, I think.
Course, I came inside smelling suspiciously of dogpoo and a few sticks tangled in my very unromantically dreaded locks.
So while all of this is taking place, I'm thinking about the way I communicate with others.
Thinking of my place in this world, and how I can best serve in friendship and love my fellow man. Er, girls, actually.
I tend to think "fix it".
Not so helpful.
I've said that before, but still... I like to help, iffen I can.
Eventually my head gave up on 'action', and just went back to pondering.
And I arrived to where it gets complicated.
Maybe it's not about responding to people at a (supposed) progressive level. Maybe it's not about communicating to them on a level that I know them to be.
Maybe the souls that I surround myself with are just like me, and have (a lot of, in my case) moments of doubt and vulnerability. Maybe I shouldn't treat them as if they already are where they so long to be (including impervious, above-it-all, and immune), but be sensitive to any temporary retrograde.
This isn't about superiority, or anything similar, it's about my own insensitivity.
It's about making allowances for, and recognizing, with empathy, when a friend (or relative - my mother comes to mind) needs a supporting hand.
It's about being a cheerleader in another's moment of adversity.
It's about saying "That sucks! You deserve So Much Better!" with outrage and indignation.
It's about saying "I suck", and "I am so sorry", and "please forgive me" when I don't.
It's hard to know what the best path is when you're inside your own head, and not exactly sure what another is needing most right this minute.
We can think that it's not as important as it is, or suppose -often in our respect, esteem or high regard of another- that another is far, far beyond our own vulnerable position - how we might be feeling under similar circumstances.
Not necessarily Truth.
So with that being said... I'd like to express immense gratitude as best I can for my own cheerleaders and supporters when I am feeling down.
All of those that have ever commented on either of my blogs. I thank you sincerely. Shallow and superficial and egotistical it may be, but I find much happiness and am honored when another takes a minute to respond with a comment. Thank you! So much.
I hesitate to mention this, in fear of offending new friends who I am already coming to like and appreciate, but I'd like to give thanks to dear friends, too...
My personal cheerleaders:
My sister, KKS.
S'pose I should mention Eric, too (though he has Never Once commented) since he is a dedicated reader. Even if it is by force.
I shall try to be a better friend and supporter. These friendships (even the barely acquainted ones) mean much to me, and I am a better person for the communications through this supposed virtual reality.
I am a better person for having known all of you.
While it may be apparent that this post is in response to a specific circumstance, it is really for anyone that may read this.
As much as I try to convey my thoughts and feelings exactly (it's a great fear of mine to be misunderstood) I can often misrepresent or poorly express an idea.
I am appreciative of all the friendships that I possess, here as well as in person, and hope to do better by all of you.
My blabs and babbles are over!
(squinting my eyes closed and hitting "publish post")