Monday, January 28, 2008

work it

Honestly.Is there any real reasonwhya girlcan't feel super-duper?Well, aside from two very good ones like this, of course....
Wednesday morning (post two Very Bad -pmsy- Days) I decided that a little stress prevention was in order.
I got up, checked my mail, popped in one of my two favorite low-impact aerobics tapes, hopped in the shower, headed downstairs to the sanctuary for a bit of recuperative meditation, and was done and ready when the children awoke. Woohoo!
Thursday and Friday I skipped it, as I was in mad-cleaning mode.
Saturday I got on the treadmill at work for a while.
Sunday was a repeat of Wednesday.
Today I got on my treadmill for a half hour with weights- and may be inclined to do a yoga or balance ball session in a little while.

The initial call was to try to reduce some of my tension, as I said, but since then I've decided that I'm done with my outside not matching my inside. I feel fit, I feel strong, I feel capable... and I feel shocked and sad sometimes when the mirror doesn't show these same things.

I'm done with that, folks.

It is not my intent to lose weight (I'm thinking more like gaining fitness and gaining strength and gaining attractiveness- and I don't own a scale (it stopped working properly and we threw it out) - but I do not want to go through any more of my life feeling sad about this. but to live in harmony with my body.
I intend to look at myself in the mirror and see at least in part the person that lives on the inside. The happy and smart and fit person.

The formula is simple - expend more than is taken in.
And that's what I intend to do.

6 comments:

Sheri said...

It will happen I promise! I ran for three months before anything showed and then all of a sudden I woke up and wow! my inside started aligning with the outside. :)

BTW I have a serious case of treadmill envy. :)

Stephanie S. said...

Thanks for the encouragement, Sheri!
I feel pretty great about it.
:)
Oh - and I shined up the treadmill today for a picture - was a bit dusty. :)
(It's actually my mother's, but she doesn't have anywhere to put it 'cept down in the dungeon, and she recently purchased a few walking aerobic tapes, so I think I'm safe.)
Steph

KMDuff said...

i like your positive thoughts. finding harmony with your body. :)

Stephanie S. said...

Well, when you believe that what you focus on grows, and "as you think, so shall you be..." you start getting really clear about what -exactly- it is that you intend.
:)
Steph

ladybug-zen said...

good for you stephanie.

iv'e just finished reading your last 3 or 4 posts and it seems that we are dealing with some ofthe same issues and having some of the same experiences.
unlike you though, i'm having a hard time putting my struggles into words. i've really wanted to post about them on my blog, but i just can't find the words.
will they come eventually? i'm worried they won't. i think i'm worried i'll become mute.

i'm struggling with anger and against fear. i';m afraid to be my true authentic self, but i'm also afraid not to be. i'm struggling with getting myself into good physical shape again.....the list goes on, but i won't.

it's good to read your blog. it sort of helps give me a point of reference. if that makes any sense.

have a good day.

Stephanie S. said...

LZ -
I think that many people internalize (not something I've ever had a problem with), and don't express or investigate, but for those of us that do, I believe it will come.
Sometimes words are illusive, and we have to sit on it for a week or so - and that's when we're actively contemplating it (might be longer if it's just stirring slowly somewhere). At least I do.

I didn't seek mine out - it built and built over years, then when she said "Don't do that, you'll break it, and I don't want my house tacky like your mom's" to Trev a little over two weeks ago it just brought up all this crap. At first I was like whatever, she didn't mean it, she was frustrated, then a week later when I brought it up -because I couldn't stand it anymore-, she was unapologetic, and apparently DID mean it, and I was even more insulted because my home is NOT tacky, (and she has adopted her style from ME) and then all these things just started coming to the forefront - childhood hurts and embarrassing incidents and emotional abuses garbage garbage garbage.

It was like (the voice in my head said), "Well, if you want to get mad about this, let's bring it ALL up, and you can boil for a week or so, then maybe you can be rid of it all Once And For All. Want to?" And I did. :)

Anyway - point is, of course everyone would be different in their processes, but I know that if you're ready or becoming ready, it will definitely find its way out.

Might shock you how it happens, though. Did me. :)

Steph