Saturday, February 23, 2008

Good Grief (or) The Existentialism of a Resignation

Welp - I did it.
After hemming and hawing for a couple of years, I finally sent my resignation a few minutes ago.
Not quite professional, of course, to send it in an email, but my printer has an old fashioned cord and is hooked up to the dinosaur - which is aggravating and sometimes (sorry HippyD/Dino) incompetent.
So I wrote as professional an email as I could make it, and in peace and with love (and Eric on the phone) - hit "Send".

It was hard to do it. Sort of.

Not in an "I hate confrontations" sort of way, but in an "Is this thumbing my nose at abundance?" sort of way.
Does one have the right to believe in an Abundant Universe as she quits her job?
Does one have the right to dislike complaints of "My Life Sucks" of 55 year olds who would rather report that they're 97?
Is it alright to want to stop being around people who boast of telling their children (all grown now) "I wish I'd never had you!" and "I smacked her face so hard for sassin' me!!" and "I went downtown and saw (people of a different color) and I wondered if I was ever coming back alive!!" (meanwhile living in a not-so-good part of town, themselves. I take it as "some of us have hang-ups about being poor and alone, and want to blame others for our misfortunes.)
I'm not trying to say these things to justify resigning.
I could just as easily (scratch that - with peaceful effort, I mean) sit in my office on Saturdays and radiate kindness and peace, and do my part in making 3521 a better place in the world.
I could choose that.
I could choose to make a valiant effort to be loving to my mother who demands it. (My mother demands Birthday Cards, demands Christmas presents, demands thanks, and demands appreciation. It pretty much sucks the joy out of things for me. She complained something terrible today when I picked up my children - the impetus that I needed to quit - "Thanks Mother, for that.")
I could choose not to get stressed out every week about Saturday being the End Of The World. (All tasks in my life Must Be Completed by Saturday.)
I could not worry if I'm gonna be fired because I'm the Assistant Manager Who Never Attends Corporate Meetings.

As my dearest, Darling Husband says... I can choose to not ever know what day of the week it is.
:) (God love him. I told him that I'll always know - we'll be counting the days 'til you're with us.)
I can choose to hang out with my family in the spring on Saturday mornings.
Cleaning the yard.
Hangin' out.
Being there for my Beloveds, instead of in that world that I don't particularly like.
I can spend my (quiet and alone) time and my day much more profitably- (as DH suggested) in my neighborhood coffee shop with a plastic cup full of iced tea complimented by a cheese danish and my laptop and ipod.
I can live my life happily creating peace in my home - "I want this to sit on this horsey."
"Well, it's not a horsey, it's a lion. And he won't sit steadily...
"Unless he has a saddle...."I am a Very Important Part of this Universe in which I live.
I love this one.
It loves me.
This is the One I choose.

5 comments:

Stephanie Ozenne said...

Congratulations!

whimsigal said...

I say good for you! It's huge to be able to make a decision like that, Steph. To choose happiness. Seriously, it's hard for so many people. I'm glad for you that you were able to make that choice and that your hubby is supportive enough to be with you while you do it. It's a powerful thing!

xxoo

evie

KMDuff said...

Congrats! :)

Stephanie S. said...

Thanks Steph, Evie, and M.
xxoo

piscesgrrl said...

Hi there, popping in after some time away - congrats on your decision! I struggle to make those kinds of decisions - I'm glad you chose peaceful days!