Monday, February 11, 2008


Or maybe declaration.

This has been round and round in my head for a few weeks, now.
I start to write about it, then I change my mind, or let yet another post gather dust in my drafts.
Never quite right.
This one could very well follow the fate of the others.

On to it!

I realize that my choices of expression and self discovery are not popular.
I can see [ahem] quite clearly that my use of the word God and Spirit and Truth are not the customary fodder for usual every-day conversation.
I have considered many, many times that the things I write here are perhaps sacred only to me, relevant only to me, important only to me, and sensible only to me.
I have considered that there are folks who actually link here. :)
I have thought of the people that read what I have to say. Not many - but a few. A few people that I truly care about and regard as friends.

Now - the reconciliation...
It's not that I don't care.
It's not that I am dismissive of others journeys or paths or quests or truths.

I just... I just have to be always cognizant and expressive of my own.
As best I can in any moment, anyway.

There are certain things that are greatly important to me, and I must live and express them in order to fill my self/spirit as it demands.

It's chancy - pointing these things out in a few carefully selected words.
Bringing attention to something that maybe could have been skipped over or easily dismissed in another moment.

I think - Maybe people will now stop coming.
Maybe in speaking my Truth I've driven people away.
Maybe others just don't want to hear it.

People are always free to roll their eyes and walk away, of course.
People are free to judge.
And even to point a condemning and damning finger, if they choose.

But [shrug] honestly, Friends, I don't have a choice.
These things are Truths for me - things that demand to be said, and written, and acknowledged and lived and expressed, and proclaimed.
It's like my Spirit is on a great journey, and is insisting that the other parts of me follow closely.

Now. Come with Me, it calls.
It promises great rewards.
And Love.
And Abundance.
And To Know.

So what choice do I have-
but to run as fast as I can
trying to keep up?


Sheri said...

Funny, I think we may be having similar thoughts this week. I have drafted many similar thoughts and then leave it set. What would people think? Would they still speak to me? And then worse yet, do I really care? I'm not sure. It's something that I too am working on/through.

Part of the reason that I love your blog is because most days you hit on something that I care deeply for, have mulled over in the darkness of night, or have thought about deeply. Whatever you refer to God.. Spirit.. etc. it's the thought more than the word that I find myself drawn to. If people stop reading (which I don't think they will) then really did they ever understand you to begin with? Probably not.

What I do know is that if I make it your way to see my sisters (anytime soon) we'll have to meet for lunch somewhere. I think we could have a wonderful conversation over a steaming cup of tea.

Aubrey said...

good, good for you.

i love you just the way you are.

speak your truth sister.

Kim said...

I very wel should be off to bed....with it being 2:00am and all. I came to check in here before heading to bed and couldn't pass up a chance to post a comment.
Just letting you know that I still read here regularly. Honestly, the reason that I don't respond to such posts as this (or other "deep" ones) is that I am usually here so late and can't usually think well enough to say something that makes sense (my brain is mush). Also, sometimes I simply don't follow your thought process. I need to think deeper, i know....but I really think that is a talent that i have yet to develop.
Anyway....just letting you know that I love you...and the babes are prescious.

Stephanie S. said...

Sheri -
as usual!
How many times do I start off my comments of your posts as "Funny, I was just thinking about this..." - yours and LadybugZen's.
It was tricky - I wanted to let people know that I was aware that the flavor has definitely deviated from ru lately, but I couldn't apologize for it, either.
That would be insulting to my spirit.
And that I wasn't saying "tough if you don't like it", as I care for the people who read here, but again... gotta speak it.
Should I/Shouldn't I.
I'm glad I finally did.
Not as a disclaimer - "I did warn you!" but as a proclamation of "I know it's hard to swallow, and maybe so different than what you believe, but I gotta just say it... and Be it."

Thanks so much for your words. It means a great deal to me that there are those that understand these processes and searches.

Stephanie S. said...

Aubrey -
I can feel that, Aub, and it means so, so very much to me.
And thanks for your support!
Love you too.

I don't know it's "deeper" that you need to go so much as "out on a limb"! :) (making fun of me, not you.)
I appreciate your acknowledgment.
And I appreciate that you fight your way through the drivel at two am. :)
Love to you.

Rick Hamrick said...

Gosh, Stephanie, if you are not fully entitled to write about whatever moves you here in your own blog, where the heck will you write it?

I remember when I first started blogging and soon realized that I did it a bit differently than lots of people, and that I tended to say more substantive stuff in comments (I's dangerous to start taking myself seriously!) than most do, and I wrote a blog entry which basically said exactly what you are saying here, although I did not come close to saying it as lovingly as you did!

I stumbled upon your blog as a result of your membership in the Sacred Life Sunday group of Carla's. I'll be back for more, too.

Stephanie S. said...

Rick -
Thanks for your comment.
I've always known that, of course, which is why I always say what it is that I need to say (for myself in the processes of searching for my own Truths).
As you gather friends, and like-minded people in regarding to "bowling club", for instance, :), and then on your Bowling Blog you start to write on the existentialism of bowling, or the Zen of bowling maybe :), instead of just scores, you find yourself in a spot that says "Um, Dear Bowling Buddies - I love you and I love the game, I am finding myself going deeper than I had originally thought... I am and always will be a bowler in the physical form, but as it turns out right now I'm pondering the philosophy and Truths of bowling....."
And you hope Sam, who is the captain of the team, won't kick you out. Because you love the team. And knocking down pins with them is a big, big part of your life.
:) Stephanie

Rick Hamrick said...

Perfectly clear, Steph!

What's your average, anyway? (grinning)

Stephanie S. said...

Well, I'm such an exceptional bowler (which is why I hope they don't kick me off the team) that I can only guess, but I'd say probably somewhere around 26. Maybe even 27!
:) Stephanie

piscesgrrl said...

Let it all out, grrlfriend, it'll be ok. I for one am taking it all in and enjoying every minute of it!