this morning i had a dream.
i was attending some class related to photography and art, i believe. the class was held on the little street where i live, at the top of the hill. oddly enough the top of the street was close to the way it looks during my awake moments. the people (six ladies or so) had a van parked on the side of the road with materials, and we sat in the middle of the street. a man with a dog walked by, i told him we had a saint bernard.
the people got out the supplies for us to look over, to choose which necklace or design we wanted. at first i and someone else (she is not known to me, but i liked her very much) were looking at this one large page -poster size - of these seven images or so. then we realized we didn't have to make our selection only from these, there were other pages. after looking fondly over a couple beautiful Victorian designs i saw the one i chose.
it was a piece of straw colored parchment paper, rolled up, with the bottom kind of fanned out so that it was a bit hour-glass shaped, with a rose quartz attached to it.
aaaaah, i thought. what's this one?
i peeked inside it, and written on the paper was a prayer or poem or blessing hand-written by Deepok Chopra.
i woke up right then.
i woke up thinking of prayer beads. i woke up remembering that i don't have to be in a particular mood - even when my hormones are at their most rambunctious. i am not powerless. i remembered that often in the past when i've felt strapped into something that i've simply written something on a piece of paper, and carried it with me. a talisman of symbols, or words.
i hit the wrong button on the remote (to turn up the weather volume), and changed it to channel 3, which is the catholic channel. 24/7. a man was talking about God. and how those that deny the True God live a life of a lizard or insect. i smiled at that.
not knowing that I Am God (as God is All That Is) is truly not living my best life, is it?
i don't create as I Am.
i don't believe as I Am.
i don't honor others as I Am.
i don't honor my self as I Am.
granted, i don't think that's what the fellow meant, exactly, :), but that's neither here nor there.
i was talking with a friend a few weeks ago (uh, perhaps four? :) ) about something mundane - it was when the fridge stopped working. i was in the process of cleaning out the fridge, but in the middle of that project i had to clean out a bottom set of cupboards filled with jars and pitchers and lids - it was chaotic. so i had two big projects going on at one time. then i discovered the fridge had stopped working, and i had eric call the people they use for his restaurant. they were on their way - so of course i had to pull out the fridge and clean behind and under it before they got there. you can imagine the chaos in my smallish kitchen.
i was in this frustrated, very stressed state, and my friend mentioned something about how it's nice to get these things done. i even said something like "i really do like to clean...." and i stopped short. what was i freaking about? these were three large projects (four if you count fridge repair) that were going to be taken care of - all in one day. i like to clean. why was i choosing to be panicked and so wiggy about it?
stopped me in my tracks, i can tell you.
just now, i've had two days of constant edginess and short-temperedness. the next day, yesterday, was to be a day filled with even more - our friends are moving, so the babes were spending the day here so that Mama and Daddy could get "moving chores" done.
i was worried, i don't mind telling you.
then yesterday morning, as i was cleaning and getting ready, a shift happened.
it's fine. you don't have to be attached to having another grumpy, feeling like you're crazy day.
it's fine. You are fine.
[breathe] yes. i see what you mean.
it was just like that. i can't take credit for it, as i didn't make a conscious decision to change my mind. it sort of happened to me, if you see what i mean. much like it did with my conversation with my friend.
all of this together to me means that, even more, it's time to go within.
it's time to start paying attention to what i'm bringing and experiencing with Intention.
write something on a scrap of paper and tuck it into my pocket.
drag a few stones from room to room with me as i clean the house.
light a dressed candle.
meditate, meditate, meditate.
make some prayer beads, writing words on the inside of the paper. words like love. intuition. beauty. abundance. creativity. joy.
create a beautiful life for myself.
i've been creating magic and joy (er, among other things) with mind and body.
but i think it's time to fully wake and re-engage my Sprit.