blech

I've found myself in this funk, lately.
Not especially wicked... and not raging. (though I've certainly been there in my life.)
Just easily upset.
Easily irritated.
I'm fine (and happy, often) so long as no one else lashes out with screams or tantrums. And when they do, I lash out myself with screams or tantrums. Telling them they don't have the right. [rolls eyes at herself]

So icky.

I seem to be at a place where I'm waiting for something to come along to change it.
An especially good meditation with long-lasting, permanent! effects. :)
Affecting words from another blogger.
An overwhelming feeling of calmness.
An exhausting workout, maybe?

I know there's some sort of shift that needs to happen.
Something like "concentrate on what you're doing right, instead of only noticing your (shameful) reactions".
Be the difference.
Accept your faults. To which I say "not in this lifetime". (You'd think this wouldn't be a problem for me, as many opportunities as I get to do so every dang day. But no. Instead I feel ashamed, embarrased, and resentful of them.)

I think in practicing mindfulness there's something - something about getting over emotions (or dealing with them) is simply done by being with them. Experiencing them, instead of wishing them away or feeling shamed by them. I remember my friend Thich Nhat Hanh saying so. That by experiencing it you are taking care of it, and your Self.

shrug.
Maybe the reason I haven't come to a place of freedom or been uplifted out of these doldrums is because what I need to do is actually embrace these things (my dreaded reactions and feelings) instead of trying to banish them.

I'm going for a walk.
An early morning walk in the snow.
I'll let you know what I find....