Saturday, March 24, 2007

March 24

The weather has just been too beautiful to spend time writing about life and decisions instead of actually living and experiencing. One specific example is Gardening! I've managed to keep up on the our family blog, Ordinary Life Magic, but to sit here at this one too, instead of flashing my face a few more moments into the seemingly newly emerging sun is just too... confining. Taxing. (Seems to me I already do too much Planning in life, and not enough Experiencing, since I am a gatherer!)
So that's my excuse.

Current challenge.... and it's a biggy! Not judging. Not others, but myself. My own faults. Lacks. Mistakes. Short-comings.

sidenote: Trev has been amazing me with his insight for quite some time now... a year? Like just now Maddie cried out, and he calls, "Mom, Maddie wants you to cuddle with us!" They're on the couch, watching Star Wars. He's usually amazingly accurate in his assessments of any situation.

Anyway. Melissia said something the other day about Jon or Myla Kabat-Zinn (authors of Everyday Blessings - The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting is the book I have) saying how at one moment they are feeling totally at peace, then the next "all hell breaks loose."
Exactly what I've been so down on myself for.
Seems to me, I KNOW the rules (life lessons, natural laws) so why can't I just make the permanent leap from a to z? Really, I'm being sincere, here. I recognize it as the right, correct, wise thing to do, so why can't I do it? If I make up my mind, I should be able to do it. Though I do take comfort in the fact that there are others around me whom are striving for a diferent way are also finding daily life a bit perplexing.
I'm dissatisfied, perplexed, angry, and disappointed with the in between. "b" through "y" doesn't interest me. I do know that life is not about the end of the trail, but the journey, but I still think I should be able to leap ahead. It's taken me twenty years (I'm 38) to get to this place of truth, not superficially, but step by step, pain by pain, so why the hell can't I make the total transition?

So that's my next project.
Or (groan) at least to figure out why the hell not.

(half laugh)
Other than that, life is wonderul.
Things have really started to green up around here in the last five days or so.
I've got my seeds planted, I have my companion planting info in, and almost ready to upload into the website, and life is pretty even and easy.
The children are happy with "fire celebrations" and playing in the water. dirt, sandbox, and swingset, and Eric is thoroughly enjoying his last days of skiing, before it's back to fly-fishing season again.
Life is good.
Steady, fun, remarkable, enchanted, and comfortable. Just the way we like it.
God(dess) Bless.

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