Wednesday, July 25, 2007

final expression (ie getting it all out)

Evie Dear wrote: My heart is breaking for you after reading that post. It's shit like that that makes you want o just pack up and move somewhere else, doesn't it? Ok, maybe that's just me. :)
Absolutely it does. I had these eratic thoughts of "move to shack on some island somewhere" and "but I would have to get out before they 'served' me", and "but how would we sell the house?" and on and on.

It wasn't just the small comment of "this could/would be an issue", as the house next door still has the for sale sign up, with no "sale pending" attachment. I'm not freaking about that, really.
I started really thinking about ncm.
About how she put on lipstick to come over. (I've always before seen her hot and mussed, as she is working in her yard.) It was like she was preparing herself. Like she had to be empowered to come over. Righteous. Maybe superior?
And I felt like she was sizing me up. Me, in my house-cleaning tanktop and shorts that were too small. Staring at the popsicle stains on my carpet. And the trickle from Maddie's new bubble blower. And telling me how naked children can get diseases. (blech) I am sure she was thinking "bare butt on this floor?" "Don't mind the stains, my machine is broken, needs a new engine part..." "Oh, you can borrow mine...." Gee, thanks lady. Teetering this way and that to get a wider view of my home.
Telling me how she grew up right-wing Christian.
I get in somehow, don't remember when, "we homeschool" and she said "Yes, I know", how the hell did she know that? (I wanted to get it out of the way, as I didn't want her to think we were truant come time for school to start.)
Telling me how she saw on the news about kids dying on tramps "So don't expect nc to be able to play on the tramp! her daddy saw that, and nuh-uh ever again." I wonder if she was really saying "can't play with your son." And told me of a kid dying on a skateboard coming down a hill "just like this one!" and her daughter will never be scooting on that hill, or she'll have everything taken away from her.
She was trying to impart wisdom, of course.
She was trying to show me the way to being a better parent. Really, she was. Ask Eric. Well, you could if he would even ever once leave a comment!
She sees me as neglectful, I think. Because of my children's liberty.
She was staring at Maddie (in her drawers) -Maddie had a break out on her legs (not terrible), she sometimes gets into Trev's snacks, though we try to keep them out of her reach- and I was compelled to say "she's allergic to milk, and she gets a rash." "Oh, well, there's soy milk, and also rice milk." Just as if I kept giving her cows milk, and didn't have a brain. "Yes, we give her soy and rice milk, and Trev drinks regular. Well, organic." I say. pssh.
And (perhaps thankfully) I couldn't even get two words out, as she just always cuts me off and carries on. (actually Sunday was the first time she ever listened to a full sentence from me.) Sunday was the first time I considered that she was competent. When someone just opens their mouth and carries on for thirty minutes without letting you say more than "well, we-" you tend to dismiss them.

My girlfriend Sam came over last night to cheer me up - as great as it is to have friends who follow the same path as you, it's also pretty great to have one that is so vastly different, and who really knows you and really loves you.
She called me to check on me last night, I had called her at work to ask if she thought I should call a family attorney friend of ours to ask him about the naked law. She said she didn't think he'd know, but I'm pretty damned sure that he would. Anyway, her attitude was "Screw em!" Only she didn't use that word.
And (shouting)"What the hell are you doing talking to that lady and listening to her for?!? She comes over to your house and tells you all this, and she's lived in the neighborhood for three weeks, and she makes you feel like this?!? Did you kick her in the ass and tell her to get the hell off your property!?! Don't you listen to her! Your kids are free! They're brilliant! She doesn't know what she's talking about! Psh. Tells her kid not to play on the hill. No having fun!" she screams. "Don't you listen to her. Do you hear me, Stephanie? Don't you ever even talk to her. She is bad for you!"
Is it any wonder I love her so?

Point being, I'm not afraid of ncm, and I certainly am not feeling inferior (nor superior) to her. And now that I've reasoned out where my fears came from, I am feeling a lot better.
I am sure to some it would appear that I was/am being over dramatic about the whole thing, but I kept wondering if I was having these fears because doom was imminent. Like I was worried about it because dcfs was going to knock on my door any minute. What it meant, as usual.

Hopefully I will come away with more tolerance for my fellow man.
Hopefully anyone who reads this who has intolerance for naked children will come away feeling a bit more empathetic to some of our lives and choices.
Just because we see something as wrong, doesn't mean that it is. (I mean this on all levels, not just those that I approve of.)

While I don't intend to demonstrate for her benefit, I believe I shall stand up for us, and impart a wisdom of my own once in a while... "I trust my son." and "He is a cautious child, and knows what he is capable of" (which he does) and "He has great problem solving skills" and "He is competent" and such things. If I could ever get more words out than these I would try to convey a philosophy, but I know I never will be able to. It's probably just as well.

Thanks so much for the therapy session. Really.
What a great way to work things out. I get it all out. No one has to read iffen they don't want to. It's a rather superb service, I'd say.

There is so much I want to tell you about other things, but I am going to get off here and go love and play with my children now.


Stephanie Ozenne said...

Sam sounds awesome. Everyone needs a friend like that! Standing up for your kids by making positive comments about them ("He is a cautious child" etc) is brilliant. It is the perfect way to respond to her concerns. I'm not sure how you go about getting in a word edgewise, though.

Have a great day loving your babies.

PS - She thinks it's CLOTHES that keep us from getting diseases? What a strange thing to say! You know that's because there is NO reason, she's just bothered.

whimsigal said...

Stephanie, tell Sam that I love her, too! What a great friend to have in your life and she's exactly right to say "screw" 'em. Girl, let me tell you, crap like ncm pulled gets me so fired up I don't know what to do with myself. It's not like your feeding your kids a diet of rusty nails and sour milk for god's sake.

And, oh, the part about her growing up right-wing "christian" don't get me started, friend.

I'm glad to see that you have worked through all this emotion and have found your happy place. I just feel sorry for her kids!


Stephanie said...

I can't believe that anyone read all that yuck over the past couple of days. And stayed with me. You guys are awesome. Really.
And thanks for the nice words, Steph.
Evie - She didn't use the word "right-wing", I can't remember how she said it, but the idea was the same. Ultra repressed, though. Her mother was shocked at the sight of a beer sort of thing. God forbid anyone said "damn" in her presence.
Anyway, I am not angry at her at all, and I'm not sure of her intent (other than sizing me up and judging me, I am positive about that) so it will be easy to wave hi with a smile, as I'm not angry. But I am absolutely not engaging in gossip with her, and will always just say "I gotta go, we're going to study "The Big Bang Theory" today. (heehee) when she tries to go on and on about something.
That should keep things in a pretty good place.
Now I gotta clean up my kitchen so we can take (count out) our 4000 steps! :)

Mike Smith said...

Stephanie, I just wanted to tell you that I think you're awesome. I think that dcfs would be rather out of their minds to act on any report like this about you. I don't know if you've been keeping up with my blog, but I posted on Stephanie a week or so ago. Read it here. Anyways, you're always welcome in Maine - where they are serious about REAL threats to children's welfare. There are quite a few nice places for sale. There're even a few houses on islands that would interest you. However, winters are brutal there. Just be our neighbor and we won't even mind seeing a hiney or two ;-)