The Talk

I tried.
Honestly, I did.
And I'm not just saying that, or trying to make this seem a funny sort of thing.
But, (tired smile) at this point, at this late hour (hours and hours later) it is really pretty amusing. Though admittedly I was thoroughly frustrated at the time.
The Talk went something like this.

(deep breath)
"Trev, I want to talk to you about something."
(here-we-go-again sigh) "What is it, Mom?"
"I want to talk to you about naked."
(another sigh.) "What is it this time?" In a resigned sort of way.
"Well, I am concerned about the neighbors, and I want you to understand a few things."
"What?"
"Well..." hmmm. Thought I had this planned out, turns out I don't. "Uh, some people are embarassed when they see naked children.
"You see, son, we have parts that some people consider private.
"I just want to make sure that you stay safe. Do you know what instincts are?"
"No."
"Well, pretend like you're going to punch me."
He swings at me in really slow motion.
"No, I don't mean like that, I mean like this." (and I was only trying to show him how to swing, not scare the hell out of him.)
He fliches, and puts his elbows up by his head.
"Well, yeah." I say. "What you did? Protect your head? That is an instinct. You felt like you needed to protect yourself."
"Oh."
"And whenever you are in danger, I want you to be able to trust your instincts. If someone does anything that makes you uncomfortable, even a little, it's not okay. You should go and get me, or Daddy, or Grammy, whoever is close by."
"And if I'm in danger, I just do this!" and puts his elbows by his head again. "And use my instincts!"
Sigh.
"Well, yeah.
"But also, if you are in danger, I would like you to run. And if you can't run, then bite, and poke eyes, and kick, and if it's a man who is bothering you, then if you kick him here, it really hurts."
"Bwah-ha-ha!" he laughs.
Sigh, again.
"Um, Son, now back to the naked thing."
"Listen, Mom. Can I go now?"
"No, Trev, this is important, and I want to talk to you. Listen.
"Some people are embarassed by naked children. (I didn't say adults, as Eric and I don't go around naked, except while streaking for a towel, as I mentioned before. Though we don't act as if it is a shameful thing, either. Don't want him to get the idea that seeing any adult naked is okay.)
You know how boys, males, and girls, females, have different parts, right? Those parts are what make up our se*. (again, I'm not bashful of the words, just don't want any internet searches to lead folks here) And because of that, some folks say those parts are private." (Went on to remind him about the seed that he carries in his test**, and the egg that the female carries)
There! I was feeling very proud over that bit of truth, and very smug with my explanation.
"You know that male and female bodies are different, right?" (We've talked a bout this before, how males anatomy are on the outside, and females are on the inside.)
"Uh... okay." he says.
"Well, let's talk about it. We have parts that are the same, and parts that are different. Let's see... we all have noses, right? Well, some of us don't, but many of us do. And we have eyes. (This is where it gets sticky, as we always say "People come in all shapes and sizes, and that we are all different.) And we have ears. What parts of me are different than yours?"
I'm thinking breasts are the most obvious, of course.
"ummmmmm... Legs!" he says.
"Legs? Do you not have legs? How are mine so different than yours?"
"Well, yours are brown, and mine are...... gray."
"Do you mean tan? Yes, I spose that's true...."
Long-winded sigh.
"Alright, Son, we're done for now."
"Fshew!" Trev said. "And if any adult tries to put me in danger, I'll just do this!" And puts up his armored and magical elbows again.

Later he came in and said "Mom, if anyone tries to trick me, I'll always call them a Rip-Off Artist!"
"Alright, Son." Remind me to check into human cloning so that I can facsimile myself to be in all places at once for the next few years.....
God bless him.

It's as I said, the boy just doesn't get it. Has no clue.
I said before, and I'll just have to go with it, that it will just have to come in its own time.
I'm more interested in cloning myself than I am in destroying the boy's peace, anyway.