I mentioned yesterday that I had something to take care of.
A big lingering It's Going To Get Me something.
It was a daunting and intimidating task, and one that I don't mind telling you required bravado.
So I participated. I swaggered, (not intentionally) and was bossy, and stuck strictly to the task at hand.
I hurried through the task - sorting, tearing, recycling, going through every piece of mail. Burning. Tossing herbs into the pot from time to time (gotta cleanse the ashes with something friendly, can't throw a pile of resentment onto my compost heap -you see how my mind works.)
After I was done with that - two or three hours later - I started cleansing away the emotional residue from the house. (Think of this as a house blessing, if you will.) It's been a while since I've done that. It feels good to do it every once in a while.
When I finished that I checked the moon's phase for Wednesday, and looked up the days of the week correspondences - being reminded that Tuesday is a day for aggression and learned that it belongs to Mars, and that it's a good day for: passion, courage, swift movement, action, energy, strife, aggression, physical energy, guns, tools, metals, soldiers, combat, confrontation, business, and beginnings, among a few others.
Interesting! Exactly how I was feeling.
After the cleansing and such I was pretty much thinking "sit back and let the tranquility begin." It seems silly, now, but really - that's pretty much the way I think. I have a mind that says feeling aggitated? Meditate! And when you're done meditating, you'll be a Zen Master!
So here I am, after raising my voice at one of the children, for I don't remember what, I've eliminated my trouble mountain, and I'm not feeling the bliss that I had assumed I would feel. Not only that, but Trevelyn is running around and shouting, exploding (not necessarily in anger, just in exuberance - but not necessarily joyfully, either.)
But I'm done, I think.
I needed that particular energy to get through the task, but now I'm ready for a different kind.
I wasn't angry, you understand, just sort of ... loaded.
Thinking back now, what I should have done was intentionally ground it.
But instead I speculated. On how I felt. How I felt then at that moment, and how I felt an hour before. Was I angry when I was eliminating that pile (and bags)? Was force necessary to deal with it? Did I invite negativity into my home by being so willful and determined? Should I have done the task instead with peace and gentleness?
The conclusion that I came to is this (which is quite surprising, to me):
Sometimes energy is just energy.
It doesn't have a label unless you give it one.
It isn't "good" or "bad". It just is what it is. This particular one was physical. It had a bit of resentment and yuckiness attached to it - being all about six months of bills and paper that should never have been used for thirty credit card apps a week that I am absolutely not interested in - but I used that energy for my benefit.
I cannot say if my own influenced my son, or if he would have had that energy, regardless. Maybe it was in the air in the first place, and that's why I felt the need to do some tackling.
When Eric came home, he was full of it, too.
By this time I was able to not be electrified every time someone spoke loudly, and just noticed it happening.
Now it's Wednesday morning, I'm here and the children are still sleeping.
I made sure to put my Happy Home concoction in the potpourri burner (oils for creativity, love, peace, and prosperity) and it's a new day.
I was in a hurry yesterday to get all the yuckies out of my house so that I could begin anew.
The banishing is done - so today I plan to think healing and embracing.
It's Wednesday - a day for healing, communicating, and wisdom.
Sounds good to me.