Wanted to give a little toot that I've decided to reformat Growing Naturally a bit.
I've been thinking it over for a few weeks, and I've decided now is a good time to pronounce connection with others.
Scoot on over to see what I'm talking about, if you're a member or interested.
xo
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
quiet
So since I wrote the other day on the discord that has often drifted through our home lately (tumultuous erraticism is how I think of it), it's been quiet.
Not forcefully quiet, just... easy.
Peaceful.
Maybe much of the stress has been spawned by the pressures of the holidays. Though I wasn't feeling frenzied by it all, really. Maybe it's because we've been cooped up - it's so damned cold, usually. Maybe it's because Little Son is trying on lots of "let's make me (him) laugh" hats, and I never get the jokes. (No one around here gets my jokes, either, so we're even with that one.)
Most likely I feel relief because I've just stepped out of it.
After realizing that I need to provide him space to Just Be -and by "space", I mean without confines of what I deem as acceptable or appropriate (ie that which doesn't bother or annoy me)- it's been quiet.
I don't suppose that one has much to do with the other, other than I'm not hyper-vigilant about noticing every little thing, nor am I looking for reasons to be annoyed.
What I mean is - I don't see how just flipping it over in my head has led to his quiet and peace, but perhaps he's already feeling less "bound", both by spending time independently outside on the snow hill, and by my non-judgments of his emotions.
I've been reading Naomi's book, almost wrapped up the first hundred pages. (I've read most it before, but it's been a while.)
The very first page or two was about negating emotions, and while I have been attempting to validate, my own emotional stability has been so precarious that I can see what I've actually been doing is negating - attempting to have him come over to my side - to see things from my perspective - that Things Aren't So Bad.
yuck.
Such a dolt am I.
Swaying with a big smile instead of "Dude. That sucks."
In my defense, it's because there's been so much of this sucks! ("stupid wall! " "stupid socks!" "stupid floor for tripping me!") that I just couldn't handle another drop. But of course eventually I came to a place of "well, this obviously isn't working...." and was able to let myself crash hard enough into the wall that it dazed me well enough that I was able to reason with a blank slate. :)
I don't imagine that it's over - there's a long road ahead. Now's a good time to start, as I'm a day or two over pmsing, so.....
I'm not quite in that blissful, peaceful, "aaaaaah" state that is so lovely, (Lord I miss that feeling!)
but there's a quiet satisfaction. Something about let's get this house cleaned, some yummy oils burning in the bowls, envision cleansing and purefication as we go (maybe burn a dressed candle or two), stop for plenty of cuddles and conversations, and see where it takes us.
So that's my plan.
On to it, then. :)
Not forcefully quiet, just... easy.
Peaceful.
Maybe much of the stress has been spawned by the pressures of the holidays. Though I wasn't feeling frenzied by it all, really. Maybe it's because we've been cooped up - it's so damned cold, usually. Maybe it's because Little Son is trying on lots of "let's make me (him) laugh" hats, and I never get the jokes. (No one around here gets my jokes, either, so we're even with that one.)
Most likely I feel relief because I've just stepped out of it.
After realizing that I need to provide him space to Just Be -and by "space", I mean without confines of what I deem as acceptable or appropriate (ie that which doesn't bother or annoy me)- it's been quiet.
I don't suppose that one has much to do with the other, other than I'm not hyper-vigilant about noticing every little thing, nor am I looking for reasons to be annoyed.
What I mean is - I don't see how just flipping it over in my head has led to his quiet and peace, but perhaps he's already feeling less "bound", both by spending time independently outside on the snow hill, and by my non-judgments of his emotions.
I've been reading Naomi's book, almost wrapped up the first hundred pages. (I've read most it before, but it's been a while.)
The very first page or two was about negating emotions, and while I have been attempting to validate, my own emotional stability has been so precarious that I can see what I've actually been doing is negating - attempting to have him come over to my side - to see things from my perspective - that Things Aren't So Bad.
yuck.
Such a dolt am I.
Swaying with a big smile instead of "Dude. That sucks."
In my defense, it's because there's been so much of this sucks! ("stupid wall! " "stupid socks!" "stupid floor for tripping me!") that I just couldn't handle another drop. But of course eventually I came to a place of "well, this obviously isn't working...." and was able to let myself crash hard enough into the wall that it dazed me well enough that I was able to reason with a blank slate. :)
I don't imagine that it's over - there's a long road ahead. Now's a good time to start, as I'm a day or two over pmsing, so.....
I'm not quite in that blissful, peaceful, "aaaaaah" state that is so lovely, (Lord I miss that feeling!)
but there's a quiet satisfaction. Something about let's get this house cleaned, some yummy oils burning in the bowls, envision cleansing and purefication as we go (maybe burn a dressed candle or two), stop for plenty of cuddles and conversations, and see where it takes us.
So that's my plan.
On to it, then. :)
Sunday, December 28, 2008
from the Still
I think that sometimes it's way too easy to take ourselves too seriously.
Today I thought of that post I wrote not too long ago that contained the story Rule #6.
Remember? 'Don't take yourself so goddamn seriously.'
It's easy to consider personal evolution and spiritual matters as Very Serious Business.
When we are searching and seeking, it seems that God (or The All, Allah, Krishna, whatever) requires the path or connection to be somber, quiet, and reverent.
I'm not sure why that is.
But I think it's horse shit.
Why do we so often have this idea that an attachment to God (and by attachment, I mean finding that place within us that is expansive, creating, BIG, powerful, and connected with All That Is) at best is a deep, meditative, detached, nothingness - as in prayer, or listening to somber tales of "The Spirit" -in its various religious forms-, or miracles?
God isn't experienced best by getting into a deep Nothingness or detachment, She/He/It is experienced best by feeling Good. Feeling God.
By laughter, and Joy, and jubilance.
By happiness and dancing and merry-making and sharing.
I leave you with words from my Beloved Friend, Hafiz.
Today I thought of that post I wrote not too long ago that contained the story Rule #6.
Remember? 'Don't take yourself so goddamn seriously.'
It's easy to consider personal evolution and spiritual matters as Very Serious Business.
When we are searching and seeking, it seems that God (or The All, Allah, Krishna, whatever) requires the path or connection to be somber, quiet, and reverent.
I'm not sure why that is.
But I think it's horse shit.
Why do we so often have this idea that an attachment to God (and by attachment, I mean finding that place within us that is expansive, creating, BIG, powerful, and connected with All That Is) at best is a deep, meditative, detached, nothingness - as in prayer, or listening to somber tales of "The Spirit" -in its various religious forms-, or miracles?
God isn't experienced best by getting into a deep Nothingness or detachment, She/He/It is experienced best by feeling Good. Feeling God.
By laughter, and Joy, and jubilance.
By happiness and dancing and merry-making and sharing.
I leave you with words from my Beloved Friend, Hafiz.
Spill the Oil Lamp
Spill the oil lamp!
Set this dry, boring place on fire!
If you have ever
Made wanton love with God,
Then you have ignited the brilliant Light inside
That every person needs.
So--
Spill the oil!
-Hafiz
Spill the oil lamp!
Set this dry, boring place on fire!
If you have ever
Made wanton love with God,
Then you have ignited the brilliant Light inside
That every person needs.
So--
Spill the oil!
-Hafiz
Saturday, December 27, 2008
shining light upon Discord
It seems that many things are wacky?.. going awry?.... off?..... discordant! right now.
There's been lots of disharmony with Trev, I'm edgy, I shout just because I can and want to instead of coming from a place of authenticity and peace.
Re-acting instead of Creating.
No good.
I guess I'll start with sharing the problem highlighted by Trev - I'm hoping to come to a definitive place of understanding.
He's an emotional little boy. Period. He comes by it honest - both of his parents are, as well.
In his ...uh, vigor.... he often has melt-downs. Like when he puts on pants over his shoes. Or when he tries to put his shoes on and can't get them on. Or socks. Or like yesterday when he went to the hill next to our house to slide down, he became terribly upset because there's lots of new snow and it wasn't icy anymore, and the slide needed to be "built", if you see what I mean.
In our house we hear lots of wails -sung by him- of "Ooooh, this is The Worst Day, ever!" Sometimes (often!) several times a day.
Now, for a Mama that believes with everything she is in making sure her children are happy, and providing a magical childhood (life base) for said children, these sentiments (shouted and wailed, mind you) are rather discomforting at best, and nerve-grating at worst.
Of course it has peaked right now, as I've paid particular attention to it over the last few months.
I'm wise enough to know that my focusing on it is of course pronouncing it, and that my own outbursts are most certainly contributing to the disharmony.
Yesterday I looked at Eric, and voiced my being at a complete loss.
I know what needs to happen -- he needs to be empowered to handle his emotions.
It occurred to me yesterday (when I could finally calm down enough to break it down even a tiny bit) that I am probably encouraging him to think they're HUGE, because my reaction to his outbursts is rather explosive, as I've gotten to the breaking point myself.
What I mean is - since I'm thinking and feeling "Oh God, HereWeGoAgain, what-am-I-gonna-do? Run! Hide!" I'm encouraging him to feel that his emotions are Too Big to handle, and they'll break him.
Which is of course the direct opposite of what I want him to feel and think.
Ya with me?
Unfortunately, I have these same emotions (though I don't usually freak over my shoes), and was not given any tools or wisdom in How To Deal With Them.
So I'm flailing a bit. Er, a lot.
The good news is that I own a copy of Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, and also Every Day Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting. Thanks Jon and Naomi.
Practicing Mindfulness, especially in a Buddhist way, teaches us that the best way to take care of an emotion is to simply Be with it. To experience it, accept it, and to just let it Be.
When I think of such things being in my Store Consciousness, or simply accept it for What It Is, and not as something I've done to myself because I lack skills or wisdom or a mature, rational mind, I can see my emotions without judgment or shame, and they lose their tremendous power.
So in this I come to the first hint of the answer.
Just let it be.
And as already concluded, I need to stop running from it. I need to be centered enough in those moments that I can come from peace, steadfastness, and wisdom in such moments, instead of running from them.
The next part of it is recognizing that it's temporary.
This was a discovery just yesterday. While I was seething and reeling and flailing about trying to figure out what to do (in a permanent sense) I noticed a few minutes later that he was calm, and peaceful, and happily playing again.
Which took its edge off - as I was able to see that it was not The End Of The World for me, either. A biggy, that. It lost some of its potency in that moment. The whole situation lost some of its power.
So I can suppose from this that I also need to recognize that I not only need to let my own emotions Just Be -and in doing so I am taking care of them- but that I need to allow his emotions to Just Be. Thereby taking better care of him.
I don't freak over his outbursts, I show him that feelings are not the end of the world, and I show him that I can handle his.
Seems right.
I mean, what else is there? I've been trying it different ways for thirty-s0mething years, and I can liken it to trying to get a mountain stream to channel up the mountain, as there is a village up there whom is in need of the water. I can curse it and plow it and scream at it all I want, but the damned river isn't going to travel up. That goes against its very nature.
No more than I can try to get rid of my emotions.
The best and healthiest thing to do is to let them lie, and to center myself in such a way that I don't find them to be overwhelming or shameful.
In this then, is one of the places where I found the need to get Into the Still.
There's been lots of disharmony with Trev, I'm edgy, I shout just because I can and want to instead of coming from a place of authenticity and peace.
Re-acting instead of Creating.
No good.
I guess I'll start with sharing the problem highlighted by Trev - I'm hoping to come to a definitive place of understanding.
He's an emotional little boy. Period. He comes by it honest - both of his parents are, as well.
In his ...uh, vigor.... he often has melt-downs. Like when he puts on pants over his shoes. Or when he tries to put his shoes on and can't get them on. Or socks. Or like yesterday when he went to the hill next to our house to slide down, he became terribly upset because there's lots of new snow and it wasn't icy anymore, and the slide needed to be "built", if you see what I mean.
In our house we hear lots of wails -sung by him- of "Ooooh, this is The Worst Day, ever!" Sometimes (often!) several times a day.
Now, for a Mama that believes with everything she is in making sure her children are happy, and providing a magical childhood (life base) for said children, these sentiments (shouted and wailed, mind you) are rather discomforting at best, and nerve-grating at worst.
Of course it has peaked right now, as I've paid particular attention to it over the last few months.
I'm wise enough to know that my focusing on it is of course pronouncing it, and that my own outbursts are most certainly contributing to the disharmony.
Yesterday I looked at Eric, and voiced my being at a complete loss.
I know what needs to happen -- he needs to be empowered to handle his emotions.
It occurred to me yesterday (when I could finally calm down enough to break it down even a tiny bit) that I am probably encouraging him to think they're HUGE, because my reaction to his outbursts is rather explosive, as I've gotten to the breaking point myself.
What I mean is - since I'm thinking and feeling "Oh God, HereWeGoAgain, what-am-I-gonna-do? Run! Hide!" I'm encouraging him to feel that his emotions are Too Big to handle, and they'll break him.
Which is of course the direct opposite of what I want him to feel and think.
Ya with me?
Unfortunately, I have these same emotions (though I don't usually freak over my shoes), and was not given any tools or wisdom in How To Deal With Them.
So I'm flailing a bit. Er, a lot.
The good news is that I own a copy of Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, and also Every Day Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting. Thanks Jon and Naomi.
Practicing Mindfulness, especially in a Buddhist way, teaches us that the best way to take care of an emotion is to simply Be with it. To experience it, accept it, and to just let it Be.
When I think of such things being in my Store Consciousness, or simply accept it for What It Is, and not as something I've done to myself because I lack skills or wisdom or a mature, rational mind, I can see my emotions without judgment or shame, and they lose their tremendous power.
So in this I come to the first hint of the answer.
Just let it be.
And as already concluded, I need to stop running from it. I need to be centered enough in those moments that I can come from peace, steadfastness, and wisdom in such moments, instead of running from them.
The next part of it is recognizing that it's temporary.
This was a discovery just yesterday. While I was seething and reeling and flailing about trying to figure out what to do (in a permanent sense) I noticed a few minutes later that he was calm, and peaceful, and happily playing again.
Which took its edge off - as I was able to see that it was not The End Of The World for me, either. A biggy, that. It lost some of its potency in that moment. The whole situation lost some of its power.
So I can suppose from this that I also need to recognize that I not only need to let my own emotions Just Be -and in doing so I am taking care of them- but that I need to allow his emotions to Just Be. Thereby taking better care of him.
I don't freak over his outbursts, I show him that feelings are not the end of the world, and I show him that I can handle his.
Seems right.
I mean, what else is there? I've been trying it different ways for thirty-s0mething years, and I can liken it to trying to get a mountain stream to channel up the mountain, as there is a village up there whom is in need of the water. I can curse it and plow it and scream at it all I want, but the damned river isn't going to travel up. That goes against its very nature.
No more than I can try to get rid of my emotions.
The best and healthiest thing to do is to let them lie, and to center myself in such a way that I don't find them to be overwhelming or shameful.
In this then, is one of the places where I found the need to get Into the Still.
Friday, December 26, 2008
thoughts for the new year
How happy I am (I do love those serendipitous and synchronistic happenings, you know) that the other day I visited Pam at Idyllic Moments, and she was writing her thoughts about her word for this year's Resolution Revolution.
I'm so glad she reminded me to slow down enough to start thinking on it.
As I was leaving her a comment, I wrote ".....It needs to be something that gets to the heart of all matters for me - like Mindfulness. Or maybe even more fundamental, like Breathe. :) Sounds silly, but true. I'm pondering, still. Ah,.... Still. I might be onto something with that one."
I've known since then that it's my word.
The Word.
I haven't gathered my thoughts enough yet to be able to write on it as succinctly as I'd like, but it's starting to come together in my head, so soon.
In the meantime, I am happy, and pondering - peacefully, joyfully, and calmly- Into the Still.
Blessings to You.
I'm so glad she reminded me to slow down enough to start thinking on it.
As I was leaving her a comment, I wrote ".....It needs to be something that gets to the heart of all matters for me - like Mindfulness. Or maybe even more fundamental, like Breathe. :) Sounds silly, but true. I'm pondering, still. Ah,.... Still. I might be onto something with that one."
I've known since then that it's my word.
The Word.
I haven't gathered my thoughts enough yet to be able to write on it as succinctly as I'd like, but it's starting to come together in my head, so soon.
In the meantime, I am happy, and pondering - peacefully, joyfully, and calmly- Into the Still.
Blessings to You.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
two days
Let's see.
How's that list coming?
I finished up all the lotions and potions. :)!
I'm abandoning the second set of fairy wings for Right This Minute. We'll do that together later. I have the skirt done. She'll have some glorious things to spend the first few days in, she'll not miss them, I think.
I put the sticks on the Horseys, and little friend has been given hers.
The treats are done.
There are chocolate balls, chocolate cashew clusters, cream cheese peppermints, fudge, rice crispy treats, sugar cookies, pralines, and... that's it, I think.
The volcano and pond I think we'll do together in a few days (after the holidays). And the fort blocks.
Need to figure out how I'm presenting my sister with her botanical ornaments.
Need to make a few things for Grandma and Grammy. (sans sewing - I jammed the pointed end of a damned needle under my fingernail yesterday - iiieeeee! and my finger is mighty sore. I was trying to put the stray needle into the side of the thread. whoof. )
That's it!
We're at liberty to clean and create today.
How divine!
How's that list coming?
I finished up all the lotions and potions. :)!
I'm abandoning the second set of fairy wings for Right This Minute. We'll do that together later. I have the skirt done. She'll have some glorious things to spend the first few days in, she'll not miss them, I think.
I put the sticks on the Horseys, and little friend has been given hers.
The treats are done.
There are chocolate balls, chocolate cashew clusters, cream cheese peppermints, fudge, rice crispy treats, sugar cookies, pralines, and... that's it, I think.
The volcano and pond I think we'll do together in a few days (after the holidays). And the fort blocks.
Need to figure out how I'm presenting my sister with her botanical ornaments.
Need to make a few things for Grandma and Grammy. (sans sewing - I jammed the pointed end of a damned needle under my fingernail yesterday - iiieeeee! and my finger is mighty sore. I was trying to put the stray needle into the side of the thread. whoof. )
That's it!
We're at liberty to clean and create today.
How divine!
Monday, December 22, 2008
celebrating
Well, I suppose the beauty of celebrating and stretching things out over a few days instead of just one is that you get to add a few more days to The Day, hmmm? And a few more days to get things done.
While yesterday saw much merry-making and Holiday Spirit, it also saw a couple of last-minute trips to the store, and standing in the kitchen over pots with bubbling brews being made.
I'll tell you about that later, after I pass out the gifts to my two Loveys that check in on me here.
I think we have a celebration with friends tonight - so that means I have much to do in preparation for that.
If you have a good recipe for some of that Warping Time Dust stuff that The Chief uses, I could surely use it today.
Leave a note in the comments, and I'll be sure to send you the remainder of what I don't use to you in Thanks.
Blessings!
While yesterday saw much merry-making and Holiday Spirit, it also saw a couple of last-minute trips to the store, and standing in the kitchen over pots with bubbling brews being made.
I'll tell you about that later, after I pass out the gifts to my two Loveys that check in on me here.
I think we have a celebration with friends tonight - so that means I have much to do in preparation for that.
If you have a good recipe for some of that Warping Time Dust stuff that The Chief uses, I could surely use it today.
Leave a note in the comments, and I'll be sure to send you the remainder of what I don't use to you in Thanks.
Blessings!
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