Do you ever wonder?
I make calendars of events that are happening in my town.
There are hundreds of things every month.
There are storytimes, and puppet shows, and snow shoe treks in the mountains. There are Junior Ranger programs, and concerts and Frog and Toad bookclubs. Not to mention ice-skating shows, discussions of the Andes, and holiday cookie decorating.
Tons of things.
Mostly I'd rather stay home.
I'd rather decorate cookies at my kitchen table.
I'd rather we did our junior ranger learning on our own, at our own pace, and in our own way. Bothering Daddy with our questions and inquiries.
I'd rather we build a snowman or go sledding in the park than go sit in the cold to passively watch ice skaters.
I think about my own childhood, and what were the magical things for me? I don't really remember too many - I don't mean to sound ungrateful, or that it was wretched - it certainly could be that I just don't remember.
But I remember going to the library was always great. And if we went to an event there - whoof. That was extraordinary.
It isn't always that I just don't wanna go, of course.
I have a reasonable idea of what others would expect of my children (most of the children in my society know particular rules - stand still, raise your hand and wait to be called upon, don't holler and jump while someone is "teaching" you something, etc), and mine just really don't jive with that.
I don't ever require it. Well, hardly ever.
And I'm not saying that we're not fit for society, either.
I'm saying that even if my son read Frog and Toad (which we own, by the way), he'd probably not be all that interested in sitting in a circle and answering questions regarding what he's learned about it.
Puppet shows kind of freak him out - though we haven't been to one in almost a year.
Snow shoe trekking - aaah, that's something that we'd love! But Madd is too young, yet.
I'm really not trying to justify why I don't choose to gallivant around town all the time.
And I do wonder if it's in my children's best interest to Go.
I guess the thing to do is to write down (like so many others do, I'm sure) things that are of particular interest to us, and then the day before decide if we're up for it, or not.
I think too that what it comes down to is- right now our home seems so filled with Things To Do and Things To Learn that I just don't feel the need to explore the world.
If I have the option to Go, then I usually think... "Mmmm, let's Stay."
Monday, December 10, 2007
growing spurt
While I've been discussing these thoughts here, the discussion on my local hs board on the unschooling perspective has continued.
It's really been rather engaging and interesting.
No one's arguing, though things are certainly being dissected and layed out on the table.
I don't usually get involved in discussions there, as it's not worth the aggravation! :)
But this one's been pretty good for me - I've remained cool and observant (on the inside as well as the outside), even regarding topics on which I have definitely strong ideas (such as what unschooling Is and Is Not).
I don't want to bore you, or run this topic to death, I just wanted to say that in the dissection of this topic - labeling, et al, I've somehow managed to grow and stretch a bit, and my embrace of my fellow man and his ideas has been significantly broadened.
Another step toward not judging - a remarkable thing, indeed.
It's really been rather engaging and interesting.
No one's arguing, though things are certainly being dissected and layed out on the table.
I don't usually get involved in discussions there, as it's not worth the aggravation! :)
But this one's been pretty good for me - I've remained cool and observant (on the inside as well as the outside), even regarding topics on which I have definitely strong ideas (such as what unschooling Is and Is Not).
I don't want to bore you, or run this topic to death, I just wanted to say that in the dissection of this topic - labeling, et al, I've somehow managed to grow and stretch a bit, and my embrace of my fellow man and his ideas has been significantly broadened.
Another step toward not judging - a remarkable thing, indeed.
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Discussions
I just wanted to say that I think all of you are awesome.
I'm so thankful to have this avenue for exploring and discovering - and these discussions about rusty cars and broken furnaces :), compartmentalizing or labeling - among so many others that have explored here and on your own blogs are so wonderful for me.
I'm thankful that all of you are in my life, and help me to find greater understanding.
It means so much to me.
xxoo
Steph
I'm so thankful to have this avenue for exploring and discovering - and these discussions about rusty cars and broken furnaces :), compartmentalizing or labeling - among so many others that have explored here and on your own blogs are so wonderful for me.
I'm thankful that all of you are in my life, and help me to find greater understanding.
It means so much to me.
xxoo
Steph
Friday, December 07, 2007
compartmentalizing
It seems that all around me people are mentioning they don't want to be labeled.
I'm not really sure why that is.
My best guess is that folks feel if they're put into a category, then others will assume they know all there is to know about them. That if they are This, then they cannot be That.
But maybe it's even more than that.
Maybe it's that there are millions of variances of one idea. And that each person is an individual, and that if you label them, they'll lose their individuality and specialness. Maybe we get just too damned much of homogenization.
I personally don't have a problem with labels.
(shrug)
I'm a girl. I'm an unschooler. I'm someone that tries to be a good mama. I'm part this, part that, and a thousand other things.
Maybe I don't have a problem with being labeled because I fully accept everyone's individuality. It (individuality) has been a big part of my life for a long, long time. I thumbed my nose at conventionalism and conformity at a young age, and got the defiance out of my system. In insisting that I be allowed to go my own way, I automatically assume that everyone else has thousands of small parts too.
How I can relate to the idea of being labeled is being judged. Maybe for some it's the same thing, I'm not sure. Maybe folks feel that others are saying or thinking "you are not as you claim because This, in truth, means this...".
I don't know.
Labels, to me, are just descriptions. It's the short of it. It's a rough representative of thoughts or feelings or day to day processes. Of philosophies.
I don't feel that labels are detrimental to our beings at all. Indeed, I look at them as colors.
There are millions and millions of colors, and millions and millions of shades of those colors.
I find them useful, interesting, and helpful.
Without them, I think we -or at least I, certainly- would be lost in a land of murky gray blandness.
Homogenized, indeed.
I'm not really sure why that is.
My best guess is that folks feel if they're put into a category, then others will assume they know all there is to know about them. That if they are This, then they cannot be That.
But maybe it's even more than that.
Maybe it's that there are millions of variances of one idea. And that each person is an individual, and that if you label them, they'll lose their individuality and specialness. Maybe we get just too damned much of homogenization.
I personally don't have a problem with labels.
(shrug)
I'm a girl. I'm an unschooler. I'm someone that tries to be a good mama. I'm part this, part that, and a thousand other things.
Maybe I don't have a problem with being labeled because I fully accept everyone's individuality. It (individuality) has been a big part of my life for a long, long time. I thumbed my nose at conventionalism and conformity at a young age, and got the defiance out of my system. In insisting that I be allowed to go my own way, I automatically assume that everyone else has thousands of small parts too.
How I can relate to the idea of being labeled is being judged. Maybe for some it's the same thing, I'm not sure. Maybe folks feel that others are saying or thinking "you are not as you claim because This, in truth, means this...".
I don't know.
Labels, to me, are just descriptions. It's the short of it. It's a rough representative of thoughts or feelings or day to day processes. Of philosophies.
I don't feel that labels are detrimental to our beings at all. Indeed, I look at them as colors.
There are millions and millions of colors, and millions and millions of shades of those colors.
I find them useful, interesting, and helpful.
Without them, I think we -or at least I, certainly- would be lost in a land of murky gray blandness.
Homogenized, indeed.
Thursday, December 06, 2007
December 6
Sigh.
Someone posted on my local hs board (the usual one that provides me with such material) a few days ago a statement resembling "I think my teenage son needs more guidance... I like unschooling, but if I let him he'll do nothing but play video games and watch television."
I came in three days later, as I don't visit but every two weeks or so, and no one had yet responded.
So I did.
I had two points that I really wanted to make. One was that we all have fears and worries - be we parents that unschool, homeschool, or have our children in public or private school. It's part of the package. But that with real unschooling you start to pay attention - perhaps in the beginning to see if it's actually working - and pretty soon you start seeing the magic happen.
The other that I really wanted to stress was that one of the greatest things about always unschooling is that we don't have to have a child look at us in confusion and anxiety and beg us to give them some school work to do so that they can have evidence of their intelligence or aptitude. The learning has always been there, and they are perfectly adept and confident that they have the skills and resources to find the knowledge they seek. Though I said it more gently, I think.
Today there was a resulting reply by another that really bothered me (not necessarily addressed to me)- and I'm trying to pinpoint what exactly that is.
I'd respond on the list, but Melissia (damn it) has shut down all dialogue on the subject. :)
One - the person wrote that only honest unschoolers are unschoolers. Implying that we all (homeschoolers) are pretty much the same, in as much that all parents have preferences and initiate learning - thereby all homeschoolers who throw in subjects that are less torturous and actually interesting to the children are unschoolers. Indeed, these are the true unschoolers, and everyone else is a liar. (My words and interpretation.)
The next thing that bothers me is that the person said something like "I've seen unschoolers in action, and when it comes down to it... they parent the same way the rest of us do." She related an example of "hurry up and finish your dinner so that we can get on time to our movie," and that unschoolers are claiming that we put a choice in there that 'we can hurry and eat', 'or we can miss our movie'. (Actually, [grin], most ru.ers would say "are you done? we gotta go... wanna take it in the car, or stuff it in my purse???)
What I wanted to say to her and others - and am saying to you, instead.... :) ... is that some of us do have such things come out of our mouths (I don't think this one in particular makes you a failure at being a radical unschooler) but that One - it's usually not what we want to come out of our mouths, that sometimes we get frustrated and can't think fast enough to stop ourselves and our habits, and Two - we don't do such things because if we don't our children need to be controlled or they will purposely make us late to our movie and therefore our lives hell.
It comes down - yet again - to a different perspective of life. It is her opinion (I'm not trying to flame anyone, her email was just such a great example of how differently people think) that children will just naturally be unruly and rude and inconsiderate unless we make them be nice.
And even that "so called unschoolers" have been heard or seen trying to get their child to be nice to others. And that makes us hypocrites - or at least, kicks us off our high horse and brings us to the same level as everyone else. (Again, my words and interpretation.)
So after reading this, I started thinking about my feelings of ru and parenthood, and my initial post.
Was I being judgmental and arrogant?
Yeah, actually, I was. It is my opinion that if I do the work now - live consensually, raise my children with respect for them, co-sleep if and when they like, let them make the decisions that proclaim best (and loudest, most inconveniently, and most efficiently for them) Who They Are, then I shall have an entirely different relationship with my children than most.
That my family will not be that family on the minivan commercial who makes fun of each other and holds each other in contempt. That it will not take a holiday or special occasion for one to admit begrudgingly that the other is "not so bad".
Do you know what I find so vile? Have you seen that commercial - I haven't seen it in a while, but I don't watch much tv, either (someone else always wants a turn, it seems :) )- where the parent and child scream and yell eachother about the cell phone? The parent says "You'll take this phone, and talk as much as you want!!" and the young teen says "You always listen to me!!!" and they're shouting in a violent way things like "I love you!!!" and "I know you do!!!", etc. It's s'posed to be a parody, I guess, making fun of real family fights and socially accepted differences between children and their parents. I find it disturbing and tragic.
Abysmal, actually.
We all know that living ru is not a free for all.
People are people.
Just now, as I got up, I heard a big "thump!", it was the front door slamming. I am about fifteen steps away from the front door.
"Hey, Bud? Lock that door and stay inside, will ya?"
Evidence, some might say, that I am not a successful radical unschooler. I did, after all, just issue a supposed order.
"Hey, Bud?" I expand... "It's dark outside, and getting cold, and you're in your underwear, and I have a need for knowing that my children are in the house and safe while I'm writing, okay? I'd like to know that you're safe, and warm, and dry."
"Okay, Mom. No problem."
There you have it.
No problem.
An interesting thing that developed for me in working through this is noticing that I am not offended, nor do I feel I have something to prove.
I was bothered, as I said, but I think it was in a more questioning way - Did I come across as a know-it-all, and as a supreme parent?
Could I have appeared as judgmental to the others, and could maybe they have interpreted my ideas or words as "if it is done right, this is how it works...", similar to how friends or relatives might think we are rejecting their chosen way to do things in our decision to homeschool.
It's been an interesting forage.
I can't help but marvel at the gentleness in feeling serene with my own heart and sublime in my intent, finding peace even among this particular adversity.
Someone posted on my local hs board (the usual one that provides me with such material) a few days ago a statement resembling "I think my teenage son needs more guidance... I like unschooling, but if I let him he'll do nothing but play video games and watch television."
I came in three days later, as I don't visit but every two weeks or so, and no one had yet responded.
So I did.
I had two points that I really wanted to make. One was that we all have fears and worries - be we parents that unschool, homeschool, or have our children in public or private school. It's part of the package. But that with real unschooling you start to pay attention - perhaps in the beginning to see if it's actually working - and pretty soon you start seeing the magic happen.
The other that I really wanted to stress was that one of the greatest things about always unschooling is that we don't have to have a child look at us in confusion and anxiety and beg us to give them some school work to do so that they can have evidence of their intelligence or aptitude. The learning has always been there, and they are perfectly adept and confident that they have the skills and resources to find the knowledge they seek. Though I said it more gently, I think.
Today there was a resulting reply by another that really bothered me (not necessarily addressed to me)- and I'm trying to pinpoint what exactly that is.
I'd respond on the list, but Melissia (damn it) has shut down all dialogue on the subject. :)
One - the person wrote that only honest unschoolers are unschoolers. Implying that we all (homeschoolers) are pretty much the same, in as much that all parents have preferences and initiate learning - thereby all homeschoolers who throw in subjects that are less torturous and actually interesting to the children are unschoolers. Indeed, these are the true unschoolers, and everyone else is a liar. (My words and interpretation.)
The next thing that bothers me is that the person said something like "I've seen unschoolers in action, and when it comes down to it... they parent the same way the rest of us do." She related an example of "hurry up and finish your dinner so that we can get on time to our movie," and that unschoolers are claiming that we put a choice in there that 'we can hurry and eat', 'or we can miss our movie'. (Actually, [grin], most ru.ers would say "are you done? we gotta go... wanna take it in the car, or stuff it in my purse???)
What I wanted to say to her and others - and am saying to you, instead.... :) ... is that some of us do have such things come out of our mouths (I don't think this one in particular makes you a failure at being a radical unschooler) but that One - it's usually not what we want to come out of our mouths, that sometimes we get frustrated and can't think fast enough to stop ourselves and our habits, and Two - we don't do such things because if we don't our children need to be controlled or they will purposely make us late to our movie and therefore our lives hell.
It comes down - yet again - to a different perspective of life. It is her opinion (I'm not trying to flame anyone, her email was just such a great example of how differently people think) that children will just naturally be unruly and rude and inconsiderate unless we make them be nice.
And even that "so called unschoolers" have been heard or seen trying to get their child to be nice to others. And that makes us hypocrites - or at least, kicks us off our high horse and brings us to the same level as everyone else. (Again, my words and interpretation.)
So after reading this, I started thinking about my feelings of ru and parenthood, and my initial post.
Was I being judgmental and arrogant?
Yeah, actually, I was. It is my opinion that if I do the work now - live consensually, raise my children with respect for them, co-sleep if and when they like, let them make the decisions that proclaim best (and loudest, most inconveniently, and most efficiently for them) Who They Are, then I shall have an entirely different relationship with my children than most.
That my family will not be that family on the minivan commercial who makes fun of each other and holds each other in contempt. That it will not take a holiday or special occasion for one to admit begrudgingly that the other is "not so bad".
Do you know what I find so vile? Have you seen that commercial - I haven't seen it in a while, but I don't watch much tv, either (someone else always wants a turn, it seems :) )- where the parent and child scream and yell eachother about the cell phone? The parent says "You'll take this phone, and talk as much as you want!!" and the young teen says "You always listen to me!!!" and they're shouting in a violent way things like "I love you!!!" and "I know you do!!!", etc. It's s'posed to be a parody, I guess, making fun of real family fights and socially accepted differences between children and their parents. I find it disturbing and tragic.
Abysmal, actually.
We all know that living ru is not a free for all.
People are people.
Just now, as I got up, I heard a big "thump!", it was the front door slamming. I am about fifteen steps away from the front door.
"Hey, Bud? Lock that door and stay inside, will ya?"
Evidence, some might say, that I am not a successful radical unschooler. I did, after all, just issue a supposed order.
"Hey, Bud?" I expand... "It's dark outside, and getting cold, and you're in your underwear, and I have a need for knowing that my children are in the house and safe while I'm writing, okay? I'd like to know that you're safe, and warm, and dry."
"Okay, Mom. No problem."
There you have it.
No problem.
An interesting thing that developed for me in working through this is noticing that I am not offended, nor do I feel I have something to prove.
I was bothered, as I said, but I think it was in a more questioning way - Did I come across as a know-it-all, and as a supreme parent?
Could I have appeared as judgmental to the others, and could maybe they have interpreted my ideas or words as "if it is done right, this is how it works...", similar to how friends or relatives might think we are rejecting their chosen way to do things in our decision to homeschool.
It's been an interesting forage.
I can't help but marvel at the gentleness in feeling serene with my own heart and sublime in my intent, finding peace even among this particular adversity.
the neighborhood goes green
(this one's mostly for the locals.)
I have cloth bags that I made out of canvas. I use them. I've sewn them back together a few times.
I was inspired to do so when the natural market was selling them a few years ago for like $12 a piece, or something.
I got to my neighborhood grocer today (a locally owned store) and what did they have but these beauties!
Cool! Harmons goes green!
These lovelies were to be had for a a whoppin' 99cents each.
Way to go Harmons!
I have cloth bags that I made out of canvas. I use them. I've sewn them back together a few times.
I was inspired to do so when the natural market was selling them a few years ago for like $12 a piece, or something.
I got to my neighborhood grocer today (a locally owned store) and what did they have but these beauties!
Cool! Harmons goes green!These lovelies were to be had for a a whoppin' 99cents each.
Way to go Harmons!
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
happiness runs
I can't tell you why, because I really don't know.
I've just been so.... joyful, peaceful, and smilingly content the last couple of days!
Like this....
Really rather wonderful...
I've just been so.... joyful, peaceful, and smilingly content the last couple of days!
Like this....
Really rather wonderful...
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Irreverent Child!
As has been my thought process, lately, thinking (though not feeling particularly serious about it, actually), I mentioned something about "God", or maybe Trev did.
"Psh. Everybody knows theres no such thing as God," Trev says.
Can you feel my blood pressure raise just a bit?
"Well, let's talk about this, Son."
note: He was mostly just going off, not really meaning to make a politically/spiritually charged statement.
"I believe God to be..." and on I go, mostly with him tuning me out, and ignoring me. I begin to feel a bit more stressed and possibly disrespected and offended, and go into my "it's like The Force, it penetrates us, surrounds us, it's the energy that binds everything together..." in the words of Obi One. (did I spell his name right?)
"God is everthing," I say. It's this, that, and the other.
"Oh, now I get it," (while he continues to play and I"m not sure if he's even paying attention and listening to me, and I suspect in my "I Know Best" way that he is actually making fun of me, "God is jeans. God is this table. God is that bowl!"
Well, sort of, but why cant he mention things like "God is love, God is beauty, God is being kind to others, God is brotherhood," any of those?
Well, he didn't, so I Did.
Just Because.
I figure God is my department in this house, although such things are always accompanied with our same-old/same-old, which is (altogether, now) 'It's One Of Those Things That Everyone Has To Decide For Himself'.
Fine.
So today (laughs at self) we have this what I can only imagine to be a beautiful ceremony in the park with friends, to welcome the changing season, called (a Waldorf-style) Advent Spiral Festival.
Here is the premise:
How lovely is that?
So this morning I'm thinkin' I'd better prep the babes (read: make certain that they well understand my expectations - rolls eyes at self Yet Again) so they understand what the spiral is about. I read the short story to Trev, and started to tell him the rest - he's not listening, I'm getting a bit cranky, "Hold, on, Mom. Wait, wait, wait. Aren't spirals what you get into your eyes when you're turning into a Zombie?"
Sigh.
read: Check!
Damn! Fine. I'll try.
Really, I will.
I'll really, really, try....
"Psh. Everybody knows theres no such thing as God," Trev says.
Can you feel my blood pressure raise just a bit?
"Well, let's talk about this, Son."
note: He was mostly just going off, not really meaning to make a politically/spiritually charged statement.
"I believe God to be..." and on I go, mostly with him tuning me out, and ignoring me. I begin to feel a bit more stressed and possibly disrespected and offended, and go into my "it's like The Force, it penetrates us, surrounds us, it's the energy that binds everything together..." in the words of Obi One. (did I spell his name right?)
"God is everthing," I say. It's this, that, and the other.
"Oh, now I get it," (while he continues to play and I"m not sure if he's even paying attention and listening to me, and I suspect in my "I Know Best" way that he is actually making fun of me, "God is jeans. God is this table. God is that bowl!"
Well, sort of, but why cant he mention things like "God is love, God is beauty, God is being kind to others, God is brotherhood," any of those?
Well, he didn't, so I Did.
Just Because.
I figure God is my department in this house, although such things are always accompanied with our same-old/same-old, which is (altogether, now) 'It's One Of Those Things That Everyone Has To Decide For Himself'.
Fine.
So today (laughs at self) we have this what I can only imagine to be a beautiful ceremony in the park with friends, to welcome the changing season, called (a Waldorf-style) Advent Spiral Festival.
Here is the premise:
"As winter approaches, there is a sleepiness of the world. Through the stories, poems, songs and nature observation, we can experience a feeling of being blanketed for a winter’s nap. The fallen leaves, the animals in hibernation, the shorter daylight hours which bring us inside much earlier than at other times of the year all contribute to this experience. Advent balances the darkness and sleepiness with expectation and anticipation. It is a time of moving through the darkness toward the yearly rebirth of the light, when the days begin to grow longer. "
We begin by placing greenery in a spiral on the floor. At the center of the spiral is a lit candle. Along the spiral are golden stars. Each child and adult enters the spiral carrying his/her apple candle. They walk to the center, light their candle and place it along the spiral path on a golden star. The festival begins in darkness and ends brightly lit by the many candles. The garden of evergreens is a symbol of life everlasting. Arranged in a spiral, the path represents the path to birth and the process of incarnating. The apple is a picture of the body, the house that we live in. The red symbolizes our blood and our forces of will. The flame of the candle is the flame of our individual human spirit. The Advent Garden is an imaginative experience of our individual spirit light incarnating into life on Earth, and how it is able to dispel the darkness around us. In community, our spirits shining together shed a mighty light. Advent can move us toward a deeper understanding of our place in the universe, of all that supports us and all that we aspire to, as well as all that needs our protection and support.
How lovely is that?
So this morning I'm thinkin' I'd better prep the babes (read: make certain that they well understand my expectations - rolls eyes at self Yet Again) so they understand what the spiral is about. I read the short story to Trev, and started to tell him the rest - he's not listening, I'm getting a bit cranky, "Hold, on, Mom. Wait, wait, wait. Aren't spirals what you get into your eyes when you're turning into a Zombie?"
Sigh.
read: Check!
Damn! Fine. I'll try.
Really, I will.
I'll really, really, try....
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